***May cause trigger***
Hi guys, I'm new to this so please bare with me. I'm 16 years old. At the end of last year, my best friend which was like a little sister to me committed suicide. She cut, overdosed and hanged herself. She didn't leave a note. It's been a year and it still deeply affects me and I'm not quite sure why. Shouldn't I be over it by now? I knew she was depressed and I really tried so hard to help her. But I clearly wasn't enough, I didn't do a good enough job. I always promised to take care of her and I failed her. I failed her. And now I have to live with the fact that she's dead.
I often feel as though I have nothing left to live for and have attempted suicide multiple times. I've written many different suicide notes this year with all the times that I have considered or attempted suicide. Today was one of those bad days for me and I considered ending my life. But luckily (maybe) I didn't. I decided to find and join this support group instead. Hopefully it helps somehow. xx
Grief doesn't have an end date, you need to know that grief is with you forever, but it doesn't have to drown out the good that is going on, it can take a place on a shelf. Have you ever had therapy to deal with this horrific event? Hugs!
@CKBlossom Thanks so much! I’ll try and remember that, it’s just difficult sometimes. I went for a little to the school counselors but they didn’t help much. Hugs xx
i dont think you should blame yourself she chose to do this and i went through a simuar thing and i have tried to do that many times but i couldnt because someone else was there but i was still in there. it is good that you didnt kill yourself please talk to people i can talk to you and i would say that you may need closure and you didnt get it becuase their was no note is that close?
@Rebeccatoo I know, I try and remember that, but things can influence your choices so I just keep wondering what more I could have done to help, you know? Thank you, I’ll try and talk to people. Yeah, I think that because there was no note, it had a big affect on me since I feel like I don’t have any explanation as to why she did it. I knew she was depressed but I never ever knew it would come to that, and I just wish I know what sent her over the edge, what she was thinking and how she was feeling when she left. xx
I can share that after my ex- Bf died by suicide ( almost a month ago) I am consumed by what he would have been going through. By therapy and sharing - I see I can never quite know. I can hear , see and feel through others- how he might have wanted peace by that suicide - but I believe if he had waited a day or more or had a ´sign' he never would have done it. This group has helped me - and I know I want this help- and I want to help others. If you see yourself in anyone here you know you are not as alone. And pure hope is a beautiful , powerful thing with no due date or expectation.
@orchidbloom This honestly inspired me so much. Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m here if you ever need to talk. xx
I understand why you feel like your friend's death was your fault, but I'm fairly certain that you are not a trained counselor. You did everything you could have done for your friend and she wouldn't blame you for her suicide.
@HeatherSchwartz I know. I tend to forget that often so thank you for reminding me that I tried my best and she doesn’t blame me. xx
Hey, i've been through almost the exact same thing, my best buddy who i lived with hung himself, no note, or anything. He was one of the happiest kids around, that was 5 years ago and I'm still struggling with it. There's another thread on here that I gave some coping tips of you'd like to read it