so weirdest thing i woke up this morning craving bread a butter two things i would never eat but then i got to think it one piece of bread half a tsp of fat free margarine you can do it even just half so i called my best friend and asked if she could pick me up some bread she sounded elated i go right now she said it would only take her 10 min max so i sat and waited the anxiety of consuming the bread and butter was growing and the craving passing when my friend got here i decided to still try so put one slice of wieghtwatchers bread in the toaster measured out half a tsp of margarine when the toast was done i added the butter i swear it was like everything was in slow motion then i sat at my kitchen that's was about 1 hr ago so far i have taking 2 really small bite i want to eat at less half but its so hard who would have thought i would be mad at a piece of toast that it would be this hard to eat one dam piece of bread its really not that many calorie i no that i ate more then the equivalent of calorie yesterday i think i have a really hard time because in the past the only time i would eat bread is if i was binging and i no i cant purge last time i did the stupid heart monitor went off for like 30 min so here i m staring down a piece of toast wondering who will win this on going battle in my head me or ed my goals is to eat at lest half i will let you all no how it goes i no im ridiculous but i m trying to get better. lots of love leah
Leah,
I understand that certain foods can feel really scary, particularly if they've been binge items for you in the past. The fear of losing control can be paralyzing. It WILL get better. In time. :) Be patient with yourself. It took me a few years, but I now actually can eat ice cream! LOL!! That took a LONG time. :) It used to be a major binge item for me, and I simply didn't trust myself around it. But it DOES get better. Keep working your recovery. Keep doing everything your treatment team suggests. You'll get there. Bit by bit. ♥
Love,
Jen
This made me smile because I dealt with the same battle this morning no lie! I was craving toast with butter, can't remember the last time I had it and when I finally brought myself to make it [ only after getting on this site :P ] it tasted sooo amazing! I've been praying you recieve the support from your family ever since I read one of your posts, you deserve it! And the WHOLE piece of yummy toast!! Love and good wishes to you leah!
so i did not eat the whole piece of toast but i ate more the half i was able to eat it after i dabbed some of the margarine off i still felt good about eating it. but i felt even better out allowing my body to actually get nuterence from it yay i dis not purge in any way shape or form. i have not weigh my self in 4 days i got close today but fought the erg I no i have gained some but i think knowing the number would set me up for failure so i think over all today was pretty successful hope i have more good days to come thanks everyone for your support with lots of love Leah
What has helped you to prevent weighing yourself I am struggling with that so bad right now... I do it all the time...it's embarrassing but probably upwards of 10 times a day. I know it's hindering my recovery :(
it sound extreme but i put little note in my bathroom in like 5 places they all say thing like your gonna die if you keep this up and on the scale i taped a note over the number part it says what more important your life or a number it seem to help though i have noticed my mirror checking has differently increased since i have stopped weighing myself it baby step i no i m not gonna never weigh myself again but i take it minute by minute hopefully pretty soon i will by able to go hour by hours then day by day best of luck i know it really hard but keep trying this is not an easy battle but it necessary
Wow that is such a good idea thank you so much!!!!
leah...I wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you. I know you are going through a very hard time. I hope you can see what a positive step you took by calling your friend, and allowing her to help you.
I am wondering how it went when you were in the hospital? Were you able to eat then? If so, why was it easier? What do you think might make it easier for you to get on track?
Take care, and know you are cared about....HUGS..Jan ♥
i did not really eat much i ate some but i hid food i know it was bad but they wanted me to eat so much i would eat jello and soup broth i ate half and apple. i had a nurse sit with me while i was eating but i have been hiding food for so long that it was not to hard to hide some I think the reason i got out was the tpn and the fact that i agreed to continue receiving it even after i was released. i actually feel like i m doing better now that im not in the hospital i feel like i m trying harder i not 3 quarters of a peace of toast does not sound like much but i also ate lettuce and salsa and half a cup fat free jello oh i almost forgot i ate a whole orange too so very all im eating more then prier to the hospital and i still getting tpn. different fell more energetic so i take that as a good sign thank you jan your so supportive it mean so much to know that some one cares eds are so isolated lots of love leah