Hi. I just joined this group per a suggestion of a sweet lady in another group. I am 33 years old and going thru severe surgical menopause. It's changing my whole ME in every way imagineable. It is causing me to pull away from my husband and he and I both are having a very difficult time understanding how I have been feeling lately. I take hormones and anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds which I am slowly weening myself from. My husband have been married going on 13 years and we have 2 boys ages 7 and 10. We have always been happily married never fighting or going out without each other........always so much in love with each other. My feelings have recently changed though. I still love him more than ever before but the kissy kissy lovey dovey part of me is gone. I have strong desire to just walk away from him very often. I feel a rebelious side of me coming out and I dont know why but I cant stop it. I wanna go out and do my own thing now. I dont wanna be...........uh I wanna be ME again and I feel I can't do this being married anymore. my husband knows I'm struggling and it's breaking his heart because he is cared to death. it breaks mine because I cant make all of these crazy feelings go away. Is there anybody who has ever felt this? Could menopause be ending my marriage? Thanks for any comments in advance. I need all the feedback I can get at this point.
It sounds like you are struggling greatly with the changes in your life. I would never welcome walking away. Maybe your new normal isn't kissy kissy but a more independant gal. A broken marriage with children involved can be a nasty thing to deal with. I made the mistake of walking away 6 years ago. My children suffer greatly from the control their dad (step-mom) tries to have in their lives. We all change with time. Embrace who you are with a new found way to love your family.
Thank you so much for that. I am truly trying to "get along" with the new me. It is very difficult because I'm not too happy with the me that I am now. I never dreamed that menopause could change a person sooooo much. This is my 2nd marriage......the first one being an abusive one, so my husband knows what I've been thru in the past and he knows I don't like to talk about some things. He is being extremely supportive of me, but, bless his soul, he is smothering me lol. Thanks again for the advice. I really appreciate it a lot!!!!
I just want everynone to know that no matter how done or down you're feeling, I knowwwwwwwwwwww everyone says it's going to get better, and it really is true. I hit rock bottom. I wanted to commit suicide, but I held off. I was talking to a friend of mine who told me that sometimes people really just need to hit rock bottom before you can start going up, and once you get to the point of suicide you've generally hit rock bottom. And the only way you can go from there is up. That's the only option. And that is the way I've gone. I was still struggling today but you know, I decided it was time to be happy again. And I decided to be happy. And instantaneously when I made that decision, I felt sooo incredibly much better. And I'm not faking it! Normally I fake my happiness, but I truly am happy! I was happy for 2 months with my boyfriend for the first time in YEARS and then he hurt me and I was back to being soo sad. Now I'm feeling like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and my chest. It's incredible! I went out with my family to eat dinner feeling that happiness and for the first time I was actually noticed.. My waiter noticed me and was clearly interested in me. It was as if he could feel the happiness coming off of me. And he made an obvious attempt to get me to come work at the restraunt when we asked if they were hiring. We were leaving and he had the directions to apply online in his hand and was heading my way to hand it to me. Now the purpose of this is to let you know, no matter how down you are, no matter how worthless you are feeling, it REALLY WILL get better. I PROMISE YOU THAT. Don't give up. Don't do it. It's not worth it. I haven't felt this great in years. And I want you to feel the same. This is going out to everyone. I'm going to post it everywhere. It will get better. Please Do Not Give Up.
It sounds like you have been on the rollercoaster from hell. So sorry to hear this, I don't know what your going through but I'll step out on a limb and make a few suggestions.
1. Sounds like maybe you need some time to yourself (hobbies that you enjoy)
2. Anti-depressants (atleast the people I know that have been on them) are like poison please shut that down, no bueno.
3. Let your husband know how you FEEL, that is important don't shutdown from him. Men are keen on wanting to help fix things, he loves you a lot.
4. You are crazy but that's not really you. The hormones are making you that way, not your fault your body is doing this. Take a deep breath your going to be ok.
5. Marriage counseling, don't be afraid to go, they can help.
Now with that being said you don't need to get divorced. Hormones will make any woman psychotic. I hate to say it but that part is normal, just do your best to keep your husband in the loop of what is going on with you. Right now it sounds like your freaking out about everything because this is a hard adjustment to make. Don't be afraid of this, like I keep saying keep hubby in the loop. He is going to be your rock for you, you don't want to lose him. Please do not make choices or decesions while your having a freak out moment. I don't know everything but I do know that this will pass your not going to be this way forever. "For better or for worse" BIG HUG
-Aquamarine
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation I know exactly how you feel as far as your relationship. I was in a LTR, that sadly ended, in large part because my hormones are so off. First off, let me tell you that you are not alone, many, many women are going through the same issues, but the way the medical community reacts we're not supposed to talk about it. Heck, the way most OBGYNs react, all of the "symptoms" of menopause we have are figments of our imagination! Not only that, you have drug companies offering men treatments which allow them to have their second childhoods. It just doesn't seem fair.
Secondly, Let me reassure you that what's happening to your body is not your fault nor are you crazy, although the average doctor will try to convince you you are. Mine did, and I refused to listen to her.
Right now I'm not even trying to find somebody else because I figure that until my situation improves hormonally there's no way to have a sex free relationship, I mean let's be real ladies. Why on earth would a man want to be in a relationship with me where they're only going to get nonsexual intimacy when they can find plenty of willing and sexually vibrant girls half my age??? Of course I know women my age that date younger men, but that really doesn't work as an alternative in my case because no matter what the age, they all expect the same thing: SEX!!!!
True, I miss the intimacy and of course I still feel sad that I don't have someone to be close to, but I've slowly come to the realization, that if sex is the primary reason men want to be with me, or think they want to be with me, or more to the point my situation makes them reject me when I have other, positive things to offer, then it's their loss. I keep hearing that things will get better once my periods stop completely and my adrenal glands take over, and if this is true, it gives me hope. I mean true, things won't be the same as they were before, but I'll at least have something to work with, and who knows, perhaps by then someone truly deserving will be waiting to sweep me off my feet.