I lost the love of my life about a month ago and its getting harder everyday to wake up and go on. I know he wouldnt want me to be sad and crying, but how can I go on when I feel that I died when he died? He was in a motorcycle accident a week after our two year anniversary and he was going home to me when the accident happened. I dont understand why this happened to us?!?!? I miss him so much and I am so mad at him for not fighting harder to stay with me and Im so mad at God for doing this to us!!! How can I forgive them both and wake up every morning ok? I miss him so much....
Hi mvelas, Welcome to SupportGroups.com . I am very sorry about your loss. It is natural to have the feelings that you are having. Is there anyone you can talk to face to face? Have you thought about joining a face to face grief support group? With time, you will get better. I know it is not easy. Maybe also seeking counseling would be of help to you. Keep coming and letting us know how you are doing. We are here for you. I will say a prayer for you. ((((hugs))))
Mvelas,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Its the hardest thing to go through in life, too lose a loved one. My daughter passed away 2 months ago. I can relate to you on some of the feelings you have having. I'm still dealing with much pain and sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed. I started a journal after my daughter passed away. I write down how my day was and all my feeling at that time. It has helped a little. The only thing we can do is take one day at a time and take as much time as you need to grieve about his loss. Know that you are not alone. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sending hugs your way!!!
bluidkiti: thank you for welcoming me to the website...
Brinleigh111010: I know what you mean..its hard to get up every morning and continue to live life with out them...I also started to write a journal once he passed away and it helps me as well. Eveyone tells me to keep busy and to go back to work and school but Im finding out its hits me harder and I start to cry. I know he wouldnt want me to be like this but its so hard!!!
Mvelas,
I know exactly what you’re going through. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I too, lost the greatest love of my life, my soulmate, in a motorcycle accident on December 21, 2010. Just 3 days before his 38th birthday and 4 days before Christmas. I am having SUCH a hard time everyday. Waking up is SO hard to do without him next to me. We were high school sweethearts, married when I graduated and we have 2 girls, 15 and 12. Our 15 year old is special needs so not only did I lose the greatest love of my life, I lost my ROCK. He was ALWAYS there for me, he was the BEST daddy in the world and the most awesome husband any woman could ever want. He truly was one in a million. I don’t know how to deal with all these new feelings and emotions. I find it hard every single day to do anything. I feel like I just don’t want to go on. I’m completely terrified of being alone the rest of my life, but then I think to myself, I don’t even know if I ever want to love again, how can i love again when my husband was the only one for me.
These and other things are what go through my mind. I just can’t bring myself to picture my life without him.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss and please know that we are all here for one thing, to help each other get through this trying time.
mvelas
hon everything is hard when u are emotionally drained, dont let anyone rush u although they are right keeping busy does help u to function but only when u are ready,
of course he wouldnt want u to be like this and if it was him nor would u want him to be like u are right now but as u are experiencing emotions dont do what u want them to do and it has only been a short time
do one little thing daily and journaling is a great idea and see if u can build on that sucess,
be kind to you during this time
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
domestic: thanks for your words today I was ok. Somehow he gave me strength to finish the day
Mvelas,
I was also told that if i stay busy by going to work it would help get my mind off things. However, it doesn't seem to take my mind off of it. I think of her every day and night. I try to think of how she made me so happy for the short time she was here. I can be in the store and ill just start to cry. You can't help how you feel. The only thing you can do is take one day at a time. Please keep me posted on how your doing.
Brinleigh: yea the whole work thing works for me at times like yesterday i had two anxiety attacks so i left home early but today I am ok. What we are going through is something that will make us stronger somehow…and like you said we need to take it one day at a time
I hope you are ok
Mvelas,
I am so sorry about your loss. My husband and I lost a very good friend of eighteen years in a car accident a little over a year ago. He was engaged to be married, had just started a sucessful business and it was two days before his 38th birthday. His fiance was in the car with him but survived the accident. The drunk driver who hit them is in jail for only several years. We have been through every emotion that you are describing. I have never heard someone cry like I heard his fiance after his death, true pain. She screamed and cried night after night and all I could do was just hold her and tell her it was going to be ok. She yelled at God and even told him she hated him for doing this to her. All of this is normal. She didn't want to go on and wished herself dead to be with him. She started seeing a grief counselor and it has helped tremendously, not with the pain, but the ability to cope with the pain. I can't imagine how you are really feeling because I have not lost my husband, but a good friend- there is a difference I know, but I've been a very big support for a friend who has. Please feel free to write back if you need a shoulder. You will smile again. It will happen.
AKM: thanks for your words… I am so sorry about your friend. I can imagine the pain his fiance went through and maybe still is…the day after he passed away I cried and I yelled cux I wanted him to come back and he wasnt but I know he is with me. I know my best friend helps me out just being there and not saying anything at times. So thank you for being there for her
to all
those we love never really leave us althought we can no longer touch or speak to them physically they ride with us in memory and thought,
sometimes its easy to enshrine them without meaning too, i was reminded just yesterday about how impatient my sisterin law would have been with the delay, and they were true i was thinking of how pleased she would be when it was done but truthfully she would have been playing hell to get it finished it made the day so much more real to hear her just inside my ear yelling give them hell
it put a smile on my face and brought yet another facet of her to the fore
it does get easier as time meanders past but this is a journey of reflection and loss and never should be rushed
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Domestic: I got a smile when you said that “they RIDE with us in memory and thought” cuz all of his friends started to say " Ride it Peace" instead of Rest in Peace…He had a passion for bikes. I also think about things that he would say and do in certain situations and I just laugh and say “ay babe”…
Thanks for you words
Mighty's Girl: Thanks for your kind words. I think I will start writing a journal to my husband, also. I am also reading a book on grief called: Getting to the other side of grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse. I hope it helps, it seems to comfort me just alittle while I am reading it so maybe it will help some. My mother has been staying with me every night since this happened, mainly because my oldest daugther has been so sick and I don't like being alone when she's this sick. I know that coming in a couple of days I will have to go this alone but for the time being I'm enjoying my mom being here with me. No it's definately not the same as my husband but it's some sort of comfort. I can still see him walking around our house, or playing his PS3 or on his computer, I cry everytime I envision these things. Is that normal? I thought you were supposed to be happy when you thought of things like this. Instead, it does the opposite to me because I know he will never physically be with me again.
I wake up everyday feeling sooooo empty, like there is really nothing inside of me anymore. My heart was taken with him when he passed, I don't see how I will ever overcome that. Maybe talking to a grief counselor will help me some, I don't know. I just want all this horrific pain to go away. I never in my life imagined anyone could endure this kind of pain, I never knew it existed until I lost the greatest love of my life. I'm a stay at home mom too, so that doesn't help either. I did read where in that sort of situation it does take longer and it is a little harder to get through grief because you're constantly stuck in all the memories around you. It is very hard for me to go anywhere because of my oldest daugther. My husband would always stay with her when I needed to run errands, he was the only one I felt completely comfortable with with her, now I have no one so I'm basically stuck in my house 24/7 since this happened and all I do is sit and think and wonder why in the world God did this to our family, I will never ever understand that. Why didn't He help my husband in some way try to avoid the truck that pulled out in front of him, or why didn't He make my husband hit the truck a little softer so he wouldn't have died from so many internal injuries? Yes, these are things I will never understand, knowing my husband was so young and had a young family, knowing we NEED him.
I just hope that one day, I will see my husband again walking around the house or come to me in my dreams and tell me that he is ok and he is watching over me and our girls, that he is with me ALWAYS.
Chad’s wife: I know you are going through so many emotions and you ask your self why you are crying when you are remembering the good times? But that is normal I do the same thing.There are days when I start to remember all the good times and I cry because I miss him and because I know those moments we will never be able to relive them. I aslo wake up everymorning feeling empty like if something is missing and I know its him. I do feel that I died when he died and honestly there are days that I sleep all day and not get up for anything.
I know what you mean when you say that you want to wake up from this nightmare and so do I but we both have to realize that its no nightmare. Its ok to feel what you feel cuz I feel the same way everyday.
I do question God and ask why he did this to us? And I also ask that same question you do about the driver…I also question the driver (eventhough idk who he is nor he is infront of me) how in the hell couldnt you see his lights and what the hell was so important to get to that you couldnt wait to turn? Unfortunately those type of questions we will never get the answers to.
My babe also died of internal injuries and at the day of the rosary I told him that I was mad at him cuz he didnt fight hard enough to stay with me when I knew he was always a fighter but little by little I started to forgive him. The only thing I can tell you is that its okay if you are mad at him and at God. The way that I stopped being mad at him was on tuesday i went to his crash site and in my head i was yelling at him and cursing at him and after wards i told him that i loved him. i went to our apt and i yelled at him some more and i demanded him that he walked through that door and say “hi babe” but it didnt happened. i kept telling him that i love him and i cried and ended falling asleep on our couch and i felt warm when the rest of the apt was cold(the heater was off) and i woke up calm. I am no longer mad at him and I went to his crash site today again ( he passed away on a thursday) and i light up some candles and i told him outloud “you know i will always love you no matter what you did and what happened”.
our families and friends encourage me to go out with them and get out of the house just to get some air but the days that i dont want to go out i let them know and they respect that. I know in your situation its hard for you to get out of your house but you can at least go out to the back yard and get some air and have some alone time. I strongly suggest that you get alone time and go talk to him at the cemetery or visit his crash site and let everything out.
I have had dreams about my babe but I am not able to see his face, I can hear his voice, see his hands,see him from far away but I cant see his face clearly and idk why. Some of our family members and friends have had dreams about him and they see his face. One of my highschool friends had a dream about us that she was trying to comfort me and i was in bed laying down crying and she saw him at the corner of the room and he told her to tell me that he loved me. once she told me that i knew it was him trying to let me know that he loves me. ask him to give you little signs that he is with you everyday. you may not be able to dream about him right now because you are full of emotions but if you ask him for signs he will send them to you even if they are little…
I hope this is helping you the way is helping me
My name is Sonny350 and I am now 40 years of age. I met my common - law wife at McGill University in the fall of 1999. We started dating a few months after. We became close. May 29th 2000, I asked her to move in with me and she agreed as things were getting tough for her at home. Our life together started. During the 9 years and 8 months, we had so much fun. Did a lot of activities, dinners out and all was amazing. In 1999 before we met, she was diagnosed with a progressive muscle disease called, Myotonic Dystrophy. It is part of the Muscular Dystrophy Family. I stepped up and became primary care giver and would not back down from that position. I was there for her every step of the way and most important, gave 150 percent of myself in anything that she needed. In 2010 on February 6th she asked me to take her to the hospital. Again, I was there for her and off we went. In the hospital, she went into Cardiac arrest/Respiratory distress (Code Blue) She was rushed into the emergency ICU then to a cat scan then to the ICU on the second floor. Each and every day from 930am to 5pm or so I was there by her side. The 22nd of February 2010 @ 610am she passed away. She was 36 years of age. I am now seeing a psycologist to help me deal with the pain but during the week in between each meeting, I find it very difficult. I have accepted my death if I go and I am not doing well. Eating and sleeping are two different stories and none are good.
jonathan
welcome hon and please let me offer my sincere regrets on a life cut short
grief is such a roller coaster ride that sometimes its hard to know what way is up it affects our thoughts and sleep pattern just as much as eating
why not take the time to discuss how u feel here and we will help u share your burden untill u can continue on alone or just listen to those fears and woes that make the day go better
be kind to yourself hon
love D:)
Thank you for your kind reply. Day by day, it is hard to continue but as the saying goes, “One must.” I see a psycologist as I said in my first post. I am a driver for seniors and I am focused on that task but once home, I do not feel right or full for that matter. I can’t grasp reality but I have accepted my death if I do pass. Many people are scared and so was my wife but I feel that if I die then I die. It is like an, “I don’t care attitude.” I am sorry for this but my world and heart are crushed forever. It has been over a year now and in all honesty, I feel that I am ready to meet someone for a long term relationship. It is not to fill the void but I am a huge Teddy bear that loves to give other than recieve and I would do anything to give as much happiness to any special girl out there. UGH!! Enough about that area. I must focus on getting myself better.
jonathan
u are feeling something quite natural hon first we rant and rave at the loss then we slowly pick ourselves up off the floor knowing that death is just a passing thru another door and then we need to find someone to share life with
i think u have all the components in place but its the void of nothing that is still crushing u when u are alone is there a group u could go to in the evenings to break up the lonely times the times u sit and stare at the wall in reflection or do u have a hobby that u could resume doing and please feel free to discuss the mushy stuff as well as the hurt and anger after all i took up yoga to fill two evenings a week when my sis inlaw died i found a gym that offered them to me on the nights we use to do things to numb the pain now i go cos i actually like it
love D :)
This is a new experience for me. Understanding it all is huge. What blocks me is that I have a learning disability. The why is huge with me. Why did this happen? Why this and why that? ya know. I focus on each day as it comes and do the things necessary to continue. If someone was to tell be to move on with my life, I cringe. It comforts me to hear the words, “move forward.” I am a cartoonist. Not a strong one but I do draw. I am just so not motivated to doing anything except daily routines like laundry, dishes, cleaning. I am moving out of the seniors residence because I am not qualified to live here. May 1st is the day I move and I am not comfortable with it but when something is law, I follow it no matter what. I have been with a support group and was the youngest and only male there. All others were seniors that lost their spouse. I saw a berevement councellor for a few times. Anyways, life will move forward for me, I hope.