Missing you all

hey friends
gahh i miss writing/hearing from you all

it was a crazy week- but ive been doing what i need to do.

i havent felt well- very very down, ive been in such a negative mindset- but i think that just comes with not engaging in ED behaviors (which often mask depression for me).

ed thoughts are loud, lots of urges, but im not engaging in any behaviors.

i cant stand how i feel in my own skin.... i know most of it is mental, but does anyone have tips on how to ACCEPT and get comfortable getting to a healthy weight.

its like all i can think of is finishing here and going back to ed...

but anyway its friday, pretty mellow afternoon here.

sending you all hugs


Vanessa..Yes, it is horrible to have to let go of what has been your only means to 'cope' (however futile it was). Good for you for doing what you need to do. The thoughts will truly be chased away, the more you DON'T engage in the ED.
I know for myself, I couldn't accept getting to my healthy weight until I got there. It's kind of like trying to wait until you aren't afraid to do something you are terrified of. The only way you can accept the weight gain is to do it..and then to learn how to evaluate yourself in other ways besides your weight or size. As you learn WHO you are internally, your weight, shape and size will define you less and less.
Hoping you can begin to focus more on THIS moment...take care...Jan ♥

thank you jan. i will write down what u said and hold onto it!!


HUGS to you Vanessa!! ♥

Thank you for inspiriing me with this post. I am going to try and not engage in my ED behaviour, it is going to be rough and will probably bring out the depression in me...hopefully I can find some strength to do it.

Warmest Regards


I found that to be true for me, too... Once I let go of my ED behaviors, my depression got much worse. I was aware of how my ED masked my feelings/emotions, but I was surprised by just how BAD my depression was...

Hang in there, friend! Keep fighting! I believe you will push through this. ♥

Miss you!