Mom has T cell Lymphoma doesnt know if shell take treatment

My mom recently told me she has T cell Lymphoma. She has been hiding it from us kids for 2 months now. She going through tests right now to see if she can do the chemo in pill form or if she is going to have to go through the IV form of chemo...She has not made the decision if she is going to undergo ANY treatment what so ever because she says there is no point. My grandpa, grandma, and step father have been taken from cancer. So she has never seen any positive outcomes. She says if god wants her cured then she will be. Also my stepdad passed a year and a half ago and i do not believe her mindset is as good as it could be. She has admited that she wishes she was dead so she can be with her husband, but why cant she want to stay alive and beat this cancer so she can be apart of many blessings with her children? I am geting married to my partner this next summer and she says thats the only thing she wants to survive for. Not for her 2 exsisting grandchildren or her future grandchildren, I have tried talking to her many times about how much pain it would put us kids and her grandchildren through. I also have told her about my partners parents who have beaten cancer and she still doesnt believe anything good can come out of treatment. what do i do??

dandy123, if the card to be played to encourage treatment is your impending nuptials, then play it. I don't know when you lost your other family members but the advances in treatment options continue, as does the research.

I know you are in a difficult situation but it may help to get your Mom to a counselor whom she trusts, whether minister, doctor or simply a family friend whom she respects.

One thing is certain - if she doesn't do anything the cancer will take her. So play all the cards in your deck, guilt her out, push for her grandchildren to have the opportunity to know her. She can beat this or at least push it back into remission so that she has some quality years to enjoy her family. Doing nothing is giving up and that means the cancer wins while everyone who loves her loses. Play hard, the stakes demand it.

Good health,


You are in a tough spot, Dandy 213. It sounds to me like you are dealing with two main issues here. The first is your mother's lymphoma. Looming high in second place is your mother's depression, and this is something you did not address. A big part of fighting cancer is a positive attitude. It's easy to sit back, wring your hands, and say nothing can be done.
It is far more difficult to get into the right mode for battle. I don't believe you are going to get anywhere in your arguments to start cancer treatments until you can solve the depression issues. I hope you are working through a cancer center which has professionals to help you through the dual issues of cancer and depression. You do need both. And you really do need an oncology staff of extremely upbeat individuals. I have been most fortunate that I have had terrific morale boosters on my team in family, friends, and medical staff columns. I would not have made it this far without them, and I am still facing an uphill battle.
I might suggest you push your wedding plans to the background in dealing with the cancer issue. While your wedding is important to you, it is merely a diversion and probably not as big an issue to your mother as is her health, so try to separate the two.I don't know your exact circumstances, but I do hope you are working through a designated cancer center.
Good luck and keep plugging!

I'm sorry to read about your mom. IF you can determine what he precise diagnosis is, we might be able to tell you what her general prognosis will be if she chooses not to undergo treatment.

Good luck

The tough part is my mom is extremely stubbourn. Since we lost my step father a year and a half ago and she has not healed from that yet, it just makes it worse. He was taken from large B cell lymphoma which is a fast spreading cancer and it took his life within 5months. When the doctors told us he had 2 weeks left it turned out he passed 2 days later. My mom still has so much anger and depression from this. I understand it hasnt been long but at what point will she turn around and realize she has so much to live for? When I ask her about treatment all she says is "what do I have to live for"? and I give her plenty of reasons. I always tell her I love her and also show her by buying her flowers randomly,giving her cards that let her know how much shes appreciated and so on. But im afraid she has too much anger and hurt and all these bad feelings in her and I dont know how to break her out of it. Not much has been going good in her life at the moment except for the fact that I am her baby and im getting married. Thats the only thing she says she will hang on for. But theres so much more for her. Its so hard, and I want her to seek therapy but she lies and says she has, when i know this to be a lie. Im starting to feel there is no hope to making her happy again since her husband passed, and its breaking my heart more and more everyday knowing my mom could be ill and she wont give me any information because she feels i dont need to know =( thank you all for your help, i love getting these responses and suggestions