I thought I was in a good place mentally and emotionally. For me October and November are not good months, October is my birthday month but he took my birthdays away when he raped me a week prior to my 25th, it’s also my parents birthday month and their anniversary and November is the month my Mom passed away 11/9/20. I’m still not over either of these. My therapist tells me there is no timeline for healing, but of course I keep telling myself that I should be over everything by now. I’m sorry for rambling, I’m exhausted mentally and emotionally. The past couple weeks have been hard on me at work, but I was alright over the weekend, I even managed to go visit with one of my Aunt’s for several hours. Yesterday afternoon though I had the mood shift and now I can’t get out of this funk.
hi i have also had a mood shift recently, where i feel alot of unexplained sadness. wow, your story is quite hectic, alot of things to be sad about. im glad your in therapy as this can be so lovely. please visit your aunt or other family members as much as psossible in your time off of work, as this can make the time much happier
Thank you. I usually don’t get to this point unless I’ve been dwelling on everything that’s happened and going on. I was going to tell my family I need some time alone but I’m going to try to take your advice, thank you again! I hope your mood shifts from sadness.
Hey there, sorry all of this happened to you, its awful when we have months that we just cant stand, may i ask your age? And your therapist is right, there is no timeline for healing, i actually think the more we think that we should be over the longer it takes for us to move on. About your mom, do something for her, light a candle, write a letter, visit the place she is buried if there’s one. I cant imagine what is like to go what you went through, my wish is to always just poison the people who did those things but sadly i would be the one going to jail, i know what i feels like to hate your birthday, do you have any friends you can hang out with?
i think you will find you can cherish the new memories you make with your family as family is so important hey. i am going camping in november with some aunties and i am looking forward to it. initially i was thinking about not going but i know i will love it and cherish the memories. will just take breaks to be by myself when i need it
Thank you, I’m 37. It feels good to have somewhere I can say my truth and be understood, not judged for it. I have family around and they check on me, and usually give me no choice but to see them at least once a month. But no friends that I can be my true self with so I find it exhausting to be around them.
I tend to feel guilty for making new memories with my family. I’m working through this in therapy. It’s hard and exhausting when we have to keep our happy masks, especially around family. I feel like my family watches me to see if and when I’m going to have a breakdown. The camping trip sounds fun.
at least they are watching you closely because they care. im sure you can let your guard down a little, just tell them that you are ok just a little sad (or something). they do care though, hey? or do you find they have bad motives? yes the camping trip will be really good
I agree with your therapist, there is no timeline for healing.
And really, for most intelligent people, “healing” doesn’t mean forgetting. You will never forget any major trauma that takes place, you just learn to move on with life and accept that it happened. At some level we have to remember things to learn and move forward. Once you are closer to acceptance it’s easier, but (hopefully) none of us will ever forget the loss of any loved one. We just focus on the fact that we cared about them enough to remember them and thinking about them can become pleasant rather than upsetting.
Years ago I was in a group and a couple of us did what is known as an "empty chair exercise:. In a nutshell, we sat in a chair and said out loud the things we wish we had said to lost loved ones before they were gone. It was very emotional but also helpful. It makes you realize that you CAN say out loud how you feel, and that being truthful with yourself as well as others can be healing.
Everyone deals with any trauma their own way, but for many of us it’s a matter of changing perspective. I have no doubt that sexual trauma is very hard for most to cope with, but hopefully at some point you can find a new perspective that helps you deal with it in a more healing light.
And though I KNOW how hard it can be, being able to speak your truth out loud to people is powerful. Even if you can’t always do it face to face, places like this let you vent with less concern over being judged, stereotyped, etc.
The friends part sucks, would you spend your birthday with family? I would suggest to be yourself around those you call friends, if they dont like it they can go and it will help you find people who will actually care, it worked for me
They care but it’s hard to let my guard down around them because they remember me prior to my rape. Back when I didn’t cry so much and when I could laugh/smile and mean it. I want them to remember me before I became a shell of myself. My emotions and needing to keep a happy mask on has only got worse since my Mom passed.
Yes it does, but I’ve been betrayed in the past by so called friends and then after my rape trust and friendship are hard for me. My therapist has said the same thing, I need to be myself and either people will like it or won’t. We’re working on my self esteem and self worth right now since both are sorely lacking. Thank you!
I like the empty chair exercise, that sounds cathartic. I went through a time span after my rape where I spoke my truth, but was judged rather harshly by those that claimed they had my back, so I went back into my shell where it’s safe. It’s hard to trust again, not just others but yourself. Because I know I have a bad habit of oversharing if I know someone and am comfortable with them. I try to be open that I was raped and that I’m still grieving the loss of my Mom. But it’s on the internet because like you said at the end, this is easier for me to be open. I don’t know the people who are not only reading my posts but I don’t care if they judge me because they aren’t my family.
Thank you, you have given me a lot to think about!
Yikes let my guard down sounds a little hard right now. I mean I know I need to, I keep hearing this, especially from my therapist so I know I need to. I guess it comes down to will they look at me and see someone who is broken and weak or will they see me as someone that is trying their best to overcome their past mistakes and past?! I guess the other part that makes it difficult to be my authentic self in front of my friends is that they’re also my co-workers, but these ladies and I have already been through so much together that we are friends.
im glad you have co-workers that u consider friends. the thing with your family, i would maybe write them a heartfelt letter/e-mail telling them exactly how you feel…because the thing is, if you bottle it up it could very well cause a breakdown that you are so avoiding. so tell them. they might understand. and be supportive xxx
I love when i say the same thing as a psychologist! It must be really hard now and im here for you, trully, message me whenever you want and lets just spill horseshit and talk about nonsense
This will sound weird maybe, but you can just pretend you let your guard down when talking to people, i feel like i overshare as well, but do we do it? Or other people just dont talk enough? I honestly dont know what it means to let the guard down but fake it until you make it, start being yourself little by little and when you meet someone new, show them the you from now, the one that had many things going on and its trying to get better and get over it, we are all trying to get over things but most choose to hide it