Most of the times, I am so happy with my boyfriend. We are b

Most of the times, I am so happy with my boyfriend. We are both 31 and have been dating a year now. Things are great. We communicate well, enjoy each other's company, have wonderful sex. We don't like all the same things but we're great about compromising and sharing. We both have active lives ourselves and a great relationship together. Most of the time I am wondering when the heck we are going to talk about marriage already. Oftentimes I'll just look at him and think "I'm ready to be your wife."

But sometimes... sometimes I'm really, really scared. The life I see us having together was never the life I envisioned for myself. He prefers the suburbs and has a dog, a great group of friends, and prefers to stay near home. I have a hippie edge and imagined being in the inner cities, traveling the world, and growing old in NYC and being a crazy liberal devoted to social issues and staying involved in the community.

For the record... it's not like these things were such passions of mine that I was on that trajectory and he slowed it down... that's just what I always thought it would be and what I wanted, and the life we would share is a huge departure from that. He prefers suburbs, as I've said, likes (big) dogs and wants a yard (no lofts in the city) and isn't a very political person.

The thing is, I tried to make that life happen for myself for so long. I moved around, I lived in NYC for years, and tried all of this stuff. I was miserably lonely, never met anyone, had a huge crisis breakdown and had to move home, when I met him. So sometimes I am unsure if these fantasies are realistic, or what I really want, vs. what i am convincing myself that I want??

Either way, it is just so scary to think about the future. Sometimes it feels like if I were alone, I have every opportunity available and my life has dozens of trajectories... but if you get married, you've ruled them out and you just have one trajectory. I don't know but it's terrifying. I get the feeling that no matter what kind of person I was becoming serious with, I would be terrified of these other lost opportunities by getting into a relationship. I just don't know but it's scary!

1 Heart

Hey - I know it can be hard. Sometimes we just have to remind ourselves to live in the present. I've been married a long time - it doesn't necessarily mean you have to rule things out. *hugs*

i also moved into the city (not new york city, but the city that i am from) and expected to meet people and make new friends. i also ended up lonely and moved away. i live in the suburbs now in a different city nearby the one i grew up in. honestly i am more comfortable where i am but i understand the fantasy. i have fantasies of moving away and trying new places but i also don't know if it is realistic. i think it is realistic when u make it happen. i don't know much about relationships. i used to think things would be more limited if i moved into a house. that my apartment, moving around, free life would be gone but i have lived in a house for three years and i like it. there is a yard and it seems more stable to me. i kind of wonder about marriage some too. like is it just going to ruin my dreams and bore me. but other times it sounds kind of nice. that's all i have to offer.

1 Heart