Mourning, yet not missing it

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
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Hey everyone. Sorry I have been absent for so long. I have been busy being home from university and working; its all been quite hectic, but in a great way.

I don't feel a lot has changed with me since I have talked to you all last, yet it has in many ways. Well, as I have said, I am home, almost on my third week. Home used to be a big trigger for me. Since I have been open and taking part in recovery head on, home has been great. I am sad to leave to go back to university to be quite honest.

Since I figured out that I have a wheat/gluten issue, and cut it out of my daily meals, I have looked at food a whole new way. I have not even had ED thoughts for weeks. After being so sick, and figuring out what it is that makes me that way, all I want is to be healthy. And I have been!

I have been trying extremely hard to not blame myself for everything. I have been happier lately. Though when I am sad, I allow myself to feel that emotion. My boyfriend has been fantastic and completely supportive which is also amazing.

Yes, I am doing so well, but you know there is still that feeling inside when thinking about my ED. A mourning in a way. I am letting it go. But now, I can at least say I am not missing it anymore. But I am mourning it.

I hope everyone else is doing alright! Sorry I have been gone so long. I have missed you all greatly!

allee

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aww allee

im so happy to hear from you. we all have been worried about you.

im so happy to hear that u have been doing soo well.

glad school went well and being home is not much of a trigger anymore.

so happy and proud of you

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Amazing Allee, simply amazing!

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OMG i was worried about you ( yet felt you were busy with school but am so glad you are back on!

love
maureen

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whoop whoop!! im so glad you're back allee :-)

and even better to hear that you had such a great time and that ED is turning into a distant thing in the past, a bad memory that you learnt from!!
keep us posted though :-)

lots of hugs
maedi

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Thanks guys! How is everyone else doing! I have missed you all so much. Sorry, I didn't mean to make anyone worry.

I am just so surprised how I have turned this all around! You CAN do it. I mean, yes I have a while to go. I am finally treading in the water and not drowning. I have been here before in recovery. Now my goal is to get out of the water all together. To never relapse again. I know I can be there. It just takes time :)

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just remember honey, that a slip up is not a relapse!! just in case :-)

love ya
maedi