Hey Ladies and Gents,
Am having a week of anger again and I thought to hand myself a giggle or two, I might poke fun at people who say the darnest things when they discuss cancer or chemo.
Hope you don't mind. (I acknowledge that these people are invalubale to us during this time, but it never hurts to remind us of the emotions that lie beneath some of the awkward phrases they use)
Just wanted to know if anyone else has any responses (I have called these replies BaaZinga's (yes I watch far too much Big Bang Theory) that are ... interesting??
Situation: On telling my best girlfriend over the phone of my diagnosis.
BaaZinga- "Oh Annie I'm so sorry, well you were a good friend to me."
Situation: Numerous occasions, numerous people in the attempt to make me feel a little less panicked about the direction of my life
BaaZinga- "Hodgkin's? That's a good cancer though. Not like a bad one"
Situation: Applying for temporary sickness benefits at the local welfare office because of sudden income stop. (Note: one week after inital diagnosis)
BaaZinga: "Is your cancer terminal? That is to say, will you be likely to die from it? Because you can only recieve payments for an extended amount of time without constant medical evaluations, if you, as the patient, are not expected to exist longer than a two year period?"
Sitaution: When someone saw my PICC line on the inside of my upper arm
BaaZinga: "Ha. You should get like a tattoo or something, to cover it while its there." (Don't worry, I am not friends with this person)
Feel free to add any, or alternatively berate me for being too harsh on a handful of people who are more shocked than I was and perhaps petrified and therefore rendered temporarily obtuse.
Thanks Annie. XXX
Boy did I need that this morning Annie, Thanks for the laughs. I can really relate with the "Hodgkin's is good cancer" one. It seems like everyone I tell hits me back with a variant of that one.
Wow I thought I was the only one with ppl saying these things to me. But I keep hearing this when I'm on the phone with someone : But you sound ok or you sound strong. I'm like what the hell am I suppose to sound like because I have cancer.Or now that the steroids from the chemo has blown me up to 200lbs I hear well it's all over now right? I needed to hear this today thanks for the laugh.
Love it guys!
So pleased you don't consider me a heartless b***h because I feel better exposing other people's stupidity in this case.
Love "look on the bright side"- of what!? The toliet bowl, cause that's where I've spent the last three days camping??
And "you seem really healthy, you look really good." - bald head, sallow sunken skin, faded eye colour, peeling lips, discoloured skin, flabby white body, loose teeth and broken fingernails. Gee, thanks alot!!
At the end of the day, this discussion thread will render me riddled with guilt because these people are struck with the sudden news the same as we are. Realistically, I should cut them a break because they don't know what to say. BUT THIS IS TOOOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!
My absolute favorite: you are making a choice by doing chemo. There are alternatives. There is this place in mexico..... My response: nothing. I can't even humor such an ignorant and even stupid thing to say. (only one does comes to mind please note sarcasm--well yea, I was feeling suicidal. I'm buying a ticket to Mexico!)
Annie I couldn't agree more. This has brought much laughter to me today and I'm not even the one that has the cancer! My son's irritater is when they no how sick he's been for 9 months and they always ask the same question, "So how do you like school?" Well duh - do you know any school that will let you attend once a month? So my question is exactly what do you say? As you state we ARE clueless! Thanks again for the laughs!
A Ha!!
I have an pending experiment. We're sick right... not just sick but REALLY sick. Doesn't that mean we should have license to say whatever we feel like, whenever we feel like it??
If its not greeted with a light chuckle we can always quickly back-pedal and throw in something like-
"sorry I'm being a bit short, I've just gone all day without a nap"
or
"chemo brain, they never tell you it causes temporary, selective Torretts" he he he.
I'm not bald anymore so I don't like my chances of getting away with it but maybe someone else could try?? RyanM???
P.S. I've had a ton of people discreetly handing me business cards of this little retreat up in the rainforest where they just "centre your thoughts" (with lisp) or a health food shop that sells miraculous bark of the Gungi tree from the Congo. It's said to be unbelievable, but you'll just have to sign over your house to them for payment.
I know, I know - heart's are in the right place.
Oh man I am so up for giving it a try. The day I was diagnosed my wife and I went to the store. As usual, one of the employees asked how we were doing. We responded with the customary "fine, how are you" but I told my wife later that I would have loved to have said "I just found out I have cancer, how are you today?" just to see the reaction. I know its would have been totally spiteful to have said that, but to be honest I was not feeling very considerate of others that day.
EDIT: My wife also wanted me to mention my response to the kids when they complain about silly kid stuff. I always say "Well I have cancer and you want me to feel bad for you." My 14 year old hates it because she says its an instant "I win" button for those discussions.
When people ask that, I say, the truth or the easy answer. If they ask for the truth, I tell them and it is always fulfilling in some way to talk about what this experience is like and to get that support. But I also see most of the clerks on a daily basis so they always seem interested in what's new and how I'm holding up. Most of the time, talking about it with decent people is totally worth it.
Ryan I did answer the how r u doing question with just found out I have cancer several times just to get a reaction most times I got a what kind question or I hope you get better but once I got the funniest reaction from a friends wife that use to hug me everytime she saw me until that day she asked how r u and I said just found out I have cancer and she hasn't hugged me since then I just laugh I guess she thinks I'm contagious.
Wow...I would have expected more hugs, not less. Maybe she is worried that you are frail or something. I seem to get a lot of that from people as well and I'm a big guy. Hard to imagine me being all that frail at this point.
Okay so here's one for you.... My husband is in remission so we had a little party for him last weekend... just to kind of give him a boost to get through his last couple of treatments...
Well, our pastor's wife is talking to us, and she says, "Wow! You've had quite the turn out! I guess there's a lot of people that are glad you didn't die!"
Swear. I was standing right there and had to pick my jaw up off of the floor.
Wow....just wow. Talk about killing the festive mood. How did your husband take it. I could see some of my close friends saying **** like that because we joke around a bit with it, but I would not know how to respond if somebody else said something like that to me.
People are idiots sometimes... It is interesting how saying nothing could be taken badly but then when someone opens their mouth... Would have just been better to have kept it shut. Forgive them for apparently they know not what they say! ;)
We just laughed it off for the most part. My husband said something like, "Yeah, I guess I'm a likeable guy!" And we moved on from there. Because there were so many people there, we didn't have time to talk about it until after we got home later that night. All we could do was laugh really...