My 11 year old is a kleptomaniac. He steals every day. Money from my purse, my debit card, money from neighbors, pocket knives, whatever he sees its seems goes into his pocket. We can catch him with the money and he will say "It wasn't me!" He never admits to the theft and therefore has absolutely no remorse for anything that he does. We can't trust him so we don't go out as a family. This has escalated to the point where I am ready to turn over custody to his father, and let him deal with him, but I know that if I do that, he will never get the help he needs. Does anyone else have issues with children with kleptomania???
Parenting is such a challenging job, especially when only one of you is involved.
I think of a phrase that a wise teacher gave to me years ago:
" Children are most in need of loving attention when they seems least deserving of it." In other words, whatever is going on, your son is screaming out for attention for some pain he is feeling, and even though it is stressful and frustrating he really needs your love and understanding right now.
This site might be a good place for you to get emotional support, but quite honestly, sounds like a situation that needs professional attention for your son.
i think therapy would be a good start. probably would talk to him and ask him why he is doing this and tell him the consequences from his actions. i hope that you will be able to find an answer to your question. therapy again would probably be a good start.
He's been in therapy for 6 years. Different meds, even hospitalizations. We have talked to him, explained the consequences and punished him. He just stands by his belief that it wasn't him. It's like watching your child drive into a brick wall and not being able to do anything about it. I fear he will be in jail before he's 14.
.I have a 20 year old grandson who started stealing at age 18. We are at our ropes end. He doesn't want professional help. He has times of high anxiety, has removed himself from both sides of his family and is living with different friends who still live at home. What type therapy does he need? A Psychiatrist? a Psychologist? Christian counseling?
@cupcake' I hear the frustration and despair you are feeling, and your deep concern for your child. Logic and punishment are not working to change the situation and so far the doctors haven't helped either. Please keep the faith the the solution can be found, and continue to reach out for support for yourself.
@carol - It sounds like in your grandson's case that drug use might be considered as a possible cause. If this is what is going on, professional help won't do much good until he is ready for help. Do not try to protect him from the consequences of his behavior. Reality checks are the only thing that might help him decide to get help. Join the co-dependency group to get support for yourself.
UPdate: Dillon went to stay with his Dad for a few weeks. It's amazing how calm and serene our house is without him here, although, he is my baby and I miss him terribly. He will be back for visit this friday thru sunday and we will see how that goes. I feel guilty not having him here, and guilty because I am enjoying the calmness of my home for a change.
Thanks for the update. I am glad that you have been able to experience some calm. Perhaps the break will do both of you some good. Having his father share some of the parenting responsibility seems fair and positive for all. Hoping that your family finds the balance that works for all.
Hi
Im sorry your son has some problems.i was like him. I would keep finding him a therapist or someone who can set him straight. There is that special person out there. U will see the change in him. Right away. If not som{one else. He needs help badly. He is angry and powerful. So someone with a sense of humour who can restrain him when necessary. At first he wil tell them off, but after he will warm up to their approach. No hospital necessary. He is a champ. He will be a star IF he is acknowledged for his talents. He is not appreciated. And his parents are driving him crazy-he is young and has no tolerance for dysfunction. He would be hapy with everybody changing and family therapy. EVERYONE.hope i was ok and didnt say something foolish.
I thnk unconditional love/support and continuing to seek treatment will help. Life is so difficult these days for youngsters, so many more temptations/stresses/hurt/confusion in the world than when we were young. Just knowing that you love him and are trying to help should eventually get thru to him. will be prayiing and sending positive thoughts your way. will be here if you need to talk. When we do these things, we must face the consequences and hit his bottom. I hope your professional counsellor can reach him somehow before he ruins his record and life. My heart and prayers go out to you. love-julz
Your son says he didn't do it. Is he lying or could he possibly have a disorder where he doesn't remember doing it? There are a couple of disorders that I can think of where he might not know of where he might not remember doing it. He might be dissociating when he's doing it and that might be the reason he doesn't remember. I've gone places and not known how I've gotten there or where I've been or what I've done. I'm not trying to make excuses for him but give it some thought. You also might ask his therapist what he/she thinks about this line of thinking. Just a thought.
Cupcake,
I'm curious about his stealing...at his age he is old enough to know right from wrong. Does he deny the stealing? Once his is caught are there natural consequences...paying someone back if money is stolen (i.e. doing chores). He lack the appropriate impulse control he needs to stop himself. Are there other behaviors in the home, like, is he defiant, does he talk back or have tantrums... with kids his age it's important to consider that there may be some underlying feelings or issues that have not been addressed....see if you can recall when the stealing first started, this may give you some clues. Overall, its importnat that you and him be seen in family therapy to talk about this issue in particular, it may lead to unexpressed thoughts and feelings that are important for him to express in a healthy way (by talking about them, not stealing).
Here is quote from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry:
"If stealing is persistent or accompanied by other problem behaviors or symptoms, the stealing may be a sign of more serious problems in the child's emotional development or problems in the family. Children who repeatedly steal may also have difficulty trusting others and forming close relationships. Rather than feeling guilty, they may blame the behavior on others, arguing that, "Since they refuse to give me what I need, I will take it." These children would benefit from an evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist."
Dont let this quote scare you, I apologize if it did...but its important to note that chronic stealing needs to be addresesd in therapy. I would make this a priority.
Best,
Kellie Montgomery, LMFT