My anxiety is so world warping and complex

Mental Health Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Hi guys. This is my first post here, my therapist at a hospital program recommended this place.

I’m experiencing so many different things because of my anxiety and panic… I feel like a broken person.

It’s causing me memory loss, somatic symptoms like being afraid to move certain body parts sometimes because it feels “weird.” I can’t think of the right word for it. And I feel like all the time that I don’t have a soul anymore and my specific life is gone, now I’m just a thing walking through a world of things that have no intrinsic value. I try and act as best I can like that isn’t the case but the insanity is seeping through the cracks and people notice it.

Does anyone else feel this way? I’m being taught so many ways to manage my anxiety and I’m on so many meds… but it feels like none of these things can be useful while I’m this absent from my sense of self. I’m so
Scared I can’t even express it and I can’t exaggerate enough the fact that I never experience happiness. It’s all too confusing and any opportunity at happiness is drowned out with fear and memory problems. It’s all constantly pulling me into the pit even as I pull as hard as I can to get out of it.

Do any of you experience this? How do you cope? What should I do? Just wait?… I’ve been waiting for a long time.

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so, do you perhaps suffer from Bipolar?

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I don’t really know. My team of doctors seem very hesitant to give me any new diagnosis. They just keep telling me it’s anxiety, it’s anxiety, it’s anxiety.

But anxiety meds aren’t helping. I’ve explored so many sides of this and I think part of my reason why my brain is constantly trying to shut down is because my subconscious has learned helplessness, and it knows we aren’t going to find an answer and there’s a solid 90% chance things will never feel normal again. Not even a new normal.

Did something I said indicate that bipolar might be my issue?