My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years now. We also have a 18 month old son. We live with his parents and 3 brothers. We fight all the time. He works from 9am to 9pm most days. Usually that late by his choice. And he doesn't get paid extra. He gets paid a set day rate. He hardly ever gets to see our son. Then on Sundays, usually his only off day, he spends it cleaning his truck or doing yard work. He never wants to really do anything with our son. Won't even goto the park with us for an hour. Vince the main reason we fight a lot. also cause he thinks it all has to be his way or no way. We can't save money to get our own place because he works a dead end job and he spends it all on marijuna. He can't get a better cause he can't pass a drug test. He Says he hurts too much not to smoke it. I say thats just his clutching keep smoking it. I hurt everyday but I don't take, smoke, or drink anything to help the pain. Hwe also argue cause he watches porn and masturbates all the time. Sometimes 4 times a night. And about 8 times (sometimes more) on his off days. I've told his several times that that bothers me. It makes me feel like he don't like it from me anymore. He also has a harder time getting off with me now. I've thought about leaving several times, but I have no where else to go really. My best friend lives 5 hours away and I don't want to take my son that far from my family. On top of all that, the guy who became my stepmother when we were teenagers, about 10 years ago. Who is also not close with his dad who is married to my mother, says he likes me and wants us to try things out with each other. He confessed to me that he has always liked me and he's tried to tell me on several occasions. A we of which I know of for sure. Am I wrong for wanting to leave my boyfriend? Or should I keep trying to fix things when I'm the only on trying? If I did leave him, Would it be wrong of me to talk to my stepmother and see where things go? I'm so confused with everything.
y advice is simple...it is not worth your energy. He is clearly not ready to be the man you need him to be. You are a mother now...you need to do what is best for your son. You can only do that if you are happy. Your depression, frustration, and sadness can be felt by your son. I commend you for wanting to keep your family together, but you must see it was never that from the beggining. You both engaged in intimate actions that resulted in a child. That doesn't make a family. A family is built on respect, love, understanding, and loyalty. Even if you can hold on for now, do you want to look back 10 years from now and wonder how you even got where you are? By then your son would be around a man who isn't even a good example for what a real man should be. Guys mature slower than girls. What you are going through is proof enough. Your focusing on family and he is focusing on external desires. Take it from a girl raised in a single-family home....you can be parent enough for him. My mom has never had a man in our lives. She has protected me, cared, loved, and saved me from my own faults. She has a son with mental retardation, a daughter becoming a PhD student and then another daughter, me, with a generalized anxiety disorder that is trying to make a life for herself. She is the most amazing women ever. I have zero memories of feeling a hole of where my dad is. I could have a relationship with him, but i dont need to be around that. Now not every child is the same, but i can guarantee if you are there for your son 24/7 than he will feel your love. By the time he is older his father may still be trying to grow up. He can grow best from you not him. Maybe just cut the relationship stay where you are, but keep the door open for him to be there for your son. He is yours always and forever.We can talk if you have anything else you need support with.
I couldn't stay here if we aren't together. We live with his family. And we all (him, me, and our son) share a room. That would be too difficult to even try. My parents divorced when I was 5. So I know how the broken family feels. I never wanted my kids to know that feeling. But it's not good to be living a lie either And my son see that and think it's ok. Every time I even at anything about even going somewhere for just a day or two for us both to think.about things, he starts saying I'm not taking his son with me and that he'll call lawyer the next day. I've told him I would never keep his son from him nor hold him over his head Like that. I'm so afraid that if I did leave, he would call a lawyer and they would take my son away from me. I don't currently have a a job. Been looking for a few months now. And with my living situation being where it is, I think.they would.
As for things with my "stepbrother", we've just started talking again. Haven't spoken in about a year now. H tried to tell me how he felt about me right before me and the current boyfriend got together. And he says he really wants us to try things. He hasn't even dated anyone else in almost 3 years now. Would it be weird if we did talk for a while an then started dating later on? I mean we're not blood and we didn't grow up together. Never lived in the same house or anything.