My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He just opened his own busine

My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He just opened his own business and is really successful so far but no body knows the problem he has behind closed doors. He drinks at least 8 beers a night after work and more often lately he's been buying bottles of liquor to "celebrate" his success. He buys a bottle EVERY weekend..friday and Saturday (1 a day + beer) from 8am (sometimes earlier- alllll day). He won't drink in the morning on week days, he waits until after work..but his drinking is starting to escalate again where he's now had liquor every day since last Friday. Usually he won't buy it during the week, he'll just stick with beer but now that his business is getting better, him and his partner celebrate after work and then his buddy drives him home. It makes me very anxious when he tells me this. He knows how it makes me feel but he just brushes it off and says "its my life and I'm not going to change for anybody". We've been getting into fights and always picking on each other because this is not the life style that I signed up for. He called me over an hour ago (he was already finished work hours ago but I knew he was with his friend having a beer). He told me he would be home in 15 minutes... It's now almost 2 hours later and I haven't heard anything from him. He disrespects my opinion when I ask him to at least let me know if he knows he's going to be longer, but he still doesn't. He believes its "non of my business" if he buys a bottle during the week or not. The last few weeks, he's been telling me that he's going to avoid liquor for a while because he can feel in his stomach and parts of his body that doesn't feel good, but before you know it, not even one weekend will go buy, and he'll have another bottle. He buys a 24 on a Friday and usually has to buy more drinks by Saturday evening or sunday morning because as mentioned he drinks very early on the weekends. And don't get me wrong, I've been there...I've had my weekends where I don't have anything planned so I can start drinking earlier if I wanted...but not every weekend...and not if I know I have things to do. We bought a window air conditioner about 2 months ago and we put towels in the spaces and a temporary fix until he was going to install the proper piece to close the window's been sitting in the same spot since the day we bought it because he's too focused on drinking every weekend that nothing gets done. I will spend my days cleaning the floors, putting his clothes away, just for him to come home, keep his dirty work boots on and walk through the house, and then finally change and leave his work clothes just sprawled anywhere on the floor. I get it, he's a guy...but come on...have some respect. He says that its "my job" to keep the place clean because I'm not working right now so I should be the one to clean after him. And God forbid the one day I take a break and skip the dishes or something, he will let me know how "lazy" I am and how he has to "do everything". It's very frustrating and I really don't know how much more I can take..part of me wants to get my things and move out but 1, I can't afford it and 2, I love this man. He's got some amazing qualities about him. I don't wanted to be one of those people that give up on him like the rest of them he had in his life. I understand addiction is a disease and it's not his fault but to a certain point, he knows how much he hurts me when he gets into those moods and he's not even willing to try and make a change. not only for me but most importantly for himself. I just don't know what to do. I'm sure not everyone stayed to the end to read my rant, but for those of you that did, thank you. <3

I can really appreciate your frustration. Having your feelings dismissed on a regular basis doesn't feel good. I also understand wanting to stay in a relationship because you love someone. The one thing that I would suggest is just make sure the things that you love about that person overwhelm the bad choices that that person makes. It's not going to be a great situation if the negative qualities outweigh the good. Someone also told me once that really resonated with me when I was not sure about leaving someone is that, once you know you're ready to leave then you'll know. It's a simple saying, but it really is the truth. From what you said , he said he wasn't going to change for anyone. So the question is do you want to put up with that the rest of your life? No judgment, just an honest question. It sounds like you don't. It sounds like you're trying to do everything you can to make a relationship work. I hope you find someone whether it's him or not that's going to do as much work for you as you put in to that person. I wish you all the best!

@Emani_Moon thank you for responding. Your comment really helped me in knowing that someone understands me and what I’m going through. It’s not going to be easy and I definitely don’t want to live with it like this forever. I’m going back to school in September and as bad as it may sound, I’m waiting until then to decide what my next move will be because I’m getting money from school that I can use to get my own place if it comes down to it. I’m not working right now and have no where else to go really, so I’m trying to make it work until I have some back up money. Again, thank you so much for commenting. It really means a lot what you said, and for knowing that I’m not alone.

Hi BlueEyedGirl, I completely understand everything you have said. Loving someone who has a substance abuse problem that they are fine with, is a no win situation. Sometimes it helps to educate yourself so that you are truly aware of what they are dealing with, what you are dealing with and how it affects both of you. This resource was recommended to me as a good place to start so I wanted to pass it along to you: Hope it helps!

@kvolm2016 This definitely helps, thank you so much. I was raised by an alcoholic mother and I went to college for Child and Youth work, so I have some background education. I just never thought that I would be put in a situation like this. I knew he drank a lot when I first met him, but I figured it was the summer time and we were just having fun…it wasn’t until I fell in love with him and things got more serious between us, before I realized that he has a problem. He’s told me so many times that everyone in his past has given up on him once he shows them his true colours…I stayed around this long because I wanted to show him I wasn’t going to give up on him…He’s really not a bad guy. But I’ve noticed lately that his attitude towards everyone is “IDGAF”; they can come or go and I won’t care". I don’t want to be around that type of attitude. It’s a non win situation as you said. I really want to stay and support him and show him I’m not giving up, but at the same time, its taking a big toll on my mental health and I know it’s not good. Anyways, I appreciate you commenting and I will take a look at the link you included. Thanks again.

I am so sorry that you are going through this and feeling this way. Unfortunately, it does not sound like he is even willing to be healthy and respect how you feel about it. I have been where you are and it is so difficult to choose, but he is making you choose, in a way. Anyone that cares for someone would fight the feelings you are. You love him and want to love him through it - i admire that about you. If he sees no issue then THAT in itself will create an even bigger issue for yourself. As a student myself I can respect your thoughts of preparing for your busier schedule in September. No matter what you choose this month, you will be facing some heartache when your classes begin, but I would think about which choice is best for you and your future. Its hard, but you have to work so hard in school as it is that additional stress is the last thing you need. Focus on you and what is best for your future and aspirations. Someone should support you with as much compassion and selflessness as you do for him. Again, I am so sorry that you are facing this.

I am sorry for what you are going through, but I can relate. Been in a relationship for 14 years with a high functioning alcoholic and yours sounds very similar. I can tell you from experience, it will never get better unless he wants to stop. No amount of arguing, reasoning or rational conversation will help. Alcoholics do not think rationally. You must remember this, the alcohol is talking! Which is why he won't take responsibility at home, or help around the house, or slow down despite knowing what it is doing to him and the relationship. It will always be mistress over you. You have some options. If you can't leave right away, educate yourself as much as possible on alcoholism and co-dependency. Also, look into counseling and see if it is something that you/him/both are willing to do. If not, start putting together an exist strategy and move on. You cannot control the alcoholic, but you can takes the reins back on your own life. I pray this finds you well.

@Coping123 *exit strategy. Also, don’t take what he says to you (when he is drunk) personally. He is projecting onto you to feel better about himself.