My boyfriend's mom calls me everyday crying. She is in unimaginable pain. My son needs his father. He is still getting high. He won't stop. I wish that I could catch him at the right time and somehow convince him to get clean. I wish I could make him see. Any ideas.
Unfortunately, this is the huge struggle with loving an addict. There is nothing that you or anyone else can do to make him get clean. He has to want to do it and improve his life on his own. No convincing, begging, pleading, crying, etc. will work because it is ultimately his decision to change his own life. I know how hard that is to deal with because you would do anything in the world to help them, but the cold hard truth is that all you can do is be a positive influence and be there when he decides to get clean. The worst thing to do is enable his behavior and let it impact your life and the life of your son any further. All you can do is let him know that you will always love him and want him to be a part of your life, but only if he decides to get clean and sober. Let him know that you will be there for support any time that he decides to get clean but not until then. Otherwise you and your son will continue in this cycle and be disappointed (or take personally) every time that he continues to use. Also, to offer you some perspective, my father was an alcoholic. I am a severe codependent who enabled him when I got older by giving him money, figuring out his life's problems for him, crying and begging him to stop because of how much I wanted to see him be healthy. Sadly, he decided that he didn't have a problem and didn't need help. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life was telling him that I would no longer help him unless he decided to get clean, but it was the best thing for me. Otherwise, I would still be basically parenting my 47 year old father and not allowing myself to live my own life. The best thing that you can do for your son and yourself is to take the "tough love" route, no longer enable his behavior by providing for him or bailing him out of situations, and be there for him if he ever decides to come clean. Don't feel guilty about whatever decision you decide to make. It is such a tough situation and took me years to break the cycle. Just know that his using is not your fault and "making him better" falls on no one but himself. Hope that helps
@AllieH That helps a lot. Thank you for taking the time to share your personal story. I’m having such a hard time with all of this. But above all, I am truly grateful for your, and everyone elses, support and input. Thank you.
Addiction is a strange disease. With other more typical diseases, most can be treated with medicines, therapy or something. Although there are some drugs to help fight addictions, they really don't fully treat the problem. Addiction is a strange disease in that is wrapped up in choices the addict has made and continues to make. And only with a decision on their part will they get better.
@jbkeys thank you