i am 24 a guywhen i was a kid i was obsessed with washing my hands for a long time but some how got over it i dont know why or how, ive liked women my whole life always been attracted to them ive never been attracted to men what so ever. I met a girl and fell in love with her she had been through an abusive relationship and bad memories haunted her so she became distant she avoided me and for a month i fell into deep depression drinking a lot and crying. Then my brother set me up with a girl and she was nice easy to get along with nice enough body but i wasnt really attracted to her which in thought was weird. I came home was watching tv and heard the word gay and a thought came in my head that maybe i was gay and thats why i wasnt attracted to her it became obsessive thought unwanted and it the only way to get rid of them is drink or sleep i'm still depressed it gets worse throughout the day then managable again sometimes ill see a guy and it'll spike ill think hes attractive and something tells me i want to be with him its frustrating and disgusting it depresses me gives me thoughts of suicide just to stop it but i cant do it because of my family i dont know what to do ive always liked women untill this **** happened a month ago ive had trouble with women they seem to ignore me and not care about me and had bad experiences they cheat on me and you always hear horror stories about having kids getting married and the women cheats or treats the guy like **** men seem so miserable when theyre married so something tells me guys treat you well so be with them its ridiculous i cant be around too many guys or i get anxiety over it i just want to drink and sleep ive always and still feel im meant to be with women but my mind tells me otherwise and it brings back anxiety, the girl im seeing gives me an erection when she teases me oh by the way im still a virgin and that stresses me out too im scared if we do it she'll leave me because i suck at it she thinks ive been with a lot of girls and i worry if i dont like it or something it'll trigger gay thoughts. i cant function i go to work get worked up when i get these thoughts then it exhausts me and i sleep or drink the rest of the day, when im with this girl i dont get theses thoughts but do when shes not around sometimes i do something feminine and it triggers it no matter what i do i cant avoid it and when i convince myself of a symptom of ocd my brain switches and like adapts and changes i said to myself im definately attracted to women then it says no your not you get along with men better and thats who your attracted to. with this depression to i have no sex drive so its another trigger when i see a attractive girl and i dont want to have sex with her unwanted thoughts come into my head help please!!!!! sorry this is so random the only time its stopped completely is a week ago i had a health scare and i didnt think about it at all i obssesed over my health which actually feels better id rather have health problems to focus on which is sad
last night this girl ive been seeing didnt answer my text messages and i freaked out i thought she was leaving me and its all i thought about then something in my head said if i keep worrying im going to go crazy then i actually freaked out and thought i was going insane the only thing thats helping is drinking and sleep i sleep all day or drink im dying inside im trapped in my mind, depressed this is crippling why wont this **** stop
Welcome to my world. : )
Mental99, I used to consider myself one of the single most heterolsexual males walking around this world....that was until i got the HOCD. Everything you expressed in your post I experienced myself. I'm happy to report that after 5 years of serious attempts at recovery, things are coming along much better. 80% recovered which is hell of a lot better of where I use to be.
I got spycho therapy. I more i talked about it the better it got. I had to come clean with everything with my psychologist, intruding thougths, visuals, physical effects and all. The more open and honest I was, the more bang for my dollar I got.....good luck.
iobsess over so many things.. i get stuff stuck in m head and it wont go away... it sucks... it deals ith my family.. it gets so bad i have to take nxiety medication.. some days it goes away even months at a time then bam it hits me again.. i think stress triggers it.. the more stress ur under the more ur head gets stuck on one thing.. i am so sorry ur going through thsi.. best wishes!!!
Hey the obsession my brain had,and i have to say had so i dont think negatively.Its real similar only dif subject.I had watched a documentary that was based on this chick who was crazy sick and did something very bad to someone.It actually freaked me out bad like i was just horrified with such a monster she was.Then i went to sleep had a dream but the role was flipped and it was me who was the bad person like the chick from the documentary .And when i awoke i fell a burst of panic and anxiety rush threw me .Every thought my mind had began to change i would say something;like no thats not me then the next thought would say yes it is you.I say i dont want to hurt anyone then the next thought would say you do want to hurt someone Then i would panic and my thoughts would be racing.I felt like i was trapped in a nightmare and like my mind didnt care.I couldnt feel i was like numb.And that scared me even worse .The feelings were so fake but trying to pass themselves off like they were real .At least thats how i viewed it.it was driving me insane making me have a disconnect with reality.Its like you feel like your own worst enemy.Even my compulsions changed and the other things ive done in the past to deal have gotten worse.This all begun just like a little over a month ago to.I feel terrible that its doing this to you.You are very strong i believe in you and fully understand what you are telling me because its happened to me more than once,like i said though in dif ways.And instead of alcohol i choose cigs which i had stopped.The anxiety and severe depression it causes me makes me smoke as a compulsion.To help deal i do alot of thought blocking or i stop thinking .And just when i think its safe to think it rears its ugly head and a few thoughts slip.Another thing i do is after the thought comes up in my mind i fallow up with what i really feel about it.Like for example if a thought says see you like feeling this way .I SAY NO I DONT and try to focus on something that makes me happy .Keeping busy helps to .As well as feeling my mind with all the positive things i can think of .For me i have to really focus on telling myself that wasnt you a month ago so why would it be you now.And focusing on your future helps me i hope it helps you .Pray and know that god didnt send you here to be something your not!God bless you and those close to you.If you ever need to talk im here.your supporter Ms.Tina d.