Work is done, I am at home, I never went home after work, it was always gym time, it feels unwelcome and somehow wrong to be here. I am not where I should be, but I will follow the suggestion of my new dietitian. For as long as I can. She might be even more strict that my dietitian at the Hospital. And she was rough....
If we do have anothe chance at life, I would like to be a Dietitian, but not mine. I still have grievances with the exchange structure....
Hello...thank you for sharing. When you say you are not where you should be...do you mean in terms of the eating disorder?
Can you share more about yourself and what you don't agree with in the exchange system type of meal planning?
I also don't see that it works well for people with eating disorders, because you can manipulate it too much with the ED mindset. A strict calorie structure is much more helpful in fighting the fears of eating foods that are truly a challenge. With exchanges, you can choose 'safe' foods forever, but you still won't break through the fears associated with certain foods.
Please continue to share, and take care...Jan ♥
To be quite honest just out of out of the Hospital I have alot of realizations. When I could purge I didn’t have quite as many fear foods, now that I can’t nearly everything seems like a fear food. It is tough… I spent many weeks on blind meals, (where they chose my meals for me)but at home, I am sticking to safe foods for right now. My exchanges before I left were set up for weight gain as I was in a hypermetabolic state, now that I seem to have leveled off, and am continuing to gain weight, they are in need of adjustment, or I will keep gaining weight, which is something I do not want. Currently, I am at what would be considered a healthy weight for a person my height, but not necessarily what I would prefer to weigh, in conjunction with how I would prefer to look.
However, I am keeping up with my meal plan despite my trepidation, although my new Dietitian, has dumbed it down a little.
She did however take the exercise plan that was given to me by the Hospital and tell me to back off for awhile, because before I went to treatment I worked out 6 to 7 days a week for 2 to 3 hours a day. I did abstain from working out for the final month of treatment, but the urges now that I am at home are very strong, and she wants me to wait to help make adjustments to my diet.
This gave me no small measure of anxiety, but I have done well up to now.
Thank you for the reply…
John
hey john,
i think you're doing amazingly well considering that now you are out there by yourself!
it is totally understandable that you need to find a safe zone first until things get a bit easier again. take small steps, one after another, don't over challenge yourself!
so far you've only mentioned a bit what they worked on with you practically. have you been able to work through any emotional issues too? were you given coping strategies for the though times, when ED gets louder?
xxx
maedi
Yes… I was given coping strategies, and they seem to just be working without much real effort, but I must admit that I am still quite isolated. In the terms of I can’t really eat out yet, my meals are very structured, I tried shopping by myself, but don’t think I liked it very much.
I think that I might have been a poor developer of coping skills, but I tried, mine are probably not typical, but they seem to be working. Right now I would say that I keep the situations under control or minimally anxiety provoking as much as possible.
Thanks for asking.
What is the exchange type meal system?
Well…
LIKE for Lunch
I get
2 grains
1 Fruit
1 Protein
3-4 Fats
1 Milk
Optional Vegetable
Based on a caloric intake average on OZs…Pretty much
Theoretically, if I hit these exchanges I should maintain my healthy weight, at an inactive level. However, inactivitivity is not an option as I enjoy working out… Therein lies the real struggle over the next month, as I am going to start working out and my Dietitian is going to bump my meal plan when my weight drops, however my capacity is very low…And I won’t do it…I don’t think I can do it.
Gina,
The 'exchange' system is when your meal plan is composed of a certain number of servings or 'exchanges' from certain food groups for each day/meal.
For people who need to track their food, such as diabetics, it works quite well, but for people in recovery from an eating disorder, I have seen that it can cause unnecessary problems, compared to a calorie system, which is exact.
When someone still struggles with the ED mindset (less is better), they are going to choose the lowest calorie (because we all know about calories) choice out of the 'group' from which to choose. In the end, it maintains the ED mindset, comparing, bargaining, etc., and honestly, a person could manipulate their plan to be up to 1/3 less calories total in a day by using the exchange system.
The calorie system is exact, you can learn to trust your body with true numbers, and after some time, the obsession with calories will decrease and die a 'natural death', so to speak. It works. I see it every day in my work.
I am not saying that someone cannot succeed in recovery by using the exchange system, but I can honestly say, that I see many more people fail by using it, than those who succeed with the calorie system.
Sorry for the long reply...I get going sometimes ♥
Take care...Jan
I see the reasoning behind the calorie system. Much more exact. However, if I know the exact calories of what is going in me, I probably would not put it in. I think that calling it an exchange system could be a diversion to distract people like myself from knowing the exact numbers.
I.E. That is why I cannot eat at Panera Bread currently…Or anywhere that the calorie counts are posted…I would not choose to eat anything except the lowest purposefully. If I ever choose to eat out again
john, it is great and inspiring to read your story and your current battle for recovery. it shows that yes it is hard but if you keep going and if you have the right support system you can do it.
other than your dietician do you still see a counselor?
do you have any family or friends that you trust and who could accompany you during shopping, maybe sometimes even prepare and at meals wih you?
xxx
I do respect that different approaches work for different people. And the 'approach' is only helpful is a person is willing to challenge the opposition that the eating disorder will continue to throw in the mix.
If one isn't able or willing to keep moving against the ED thinking, nothing will work, and they will likely not move beyond the obsessions with food, i.e. calories, exhanges, good/bad foods, etc.
Wishing you all well...Jan ♥
I wish I had the answers…One thing that I learned in treatment, was how distinctly different, and similar all of our disorders were. It was interesting to watch mine morph as I tried to attack it from different angles…I will give some examples.
When I first got my meal plan.
I could not look at more than one food item on my plate at a time. So I would have to get one thing, eat it, throw it away, get another plate, get the next thing, and so on, until I could get through a meal. Eventually, as I could get a reasonably sized meal onto my plate I couldn’t stand looking at it very long, so my meal took about 2 minutes, and then I was done and very bored. As these strange things kept cropping up, the hospital had things to help me deal with them, some of them were equally wierd, some were embarassing, some had only been done very few times. Let me say that I could not sit down through a meal, so I had to have assistance to help put me at ease.
It was a long struggle… As I witness these changes coming about, and found myself unable to control them, I would go to my dietitian, tell her, here is what I am doing, it is really wierd, and I don’t want to do that and she would have the plan to help break me of whatever deviltry my eating disorder could cook up. Most worked, some didn’t, but I wanted to leave as many odd behaviors there as possible. So I went after them that way…
I still, have not been to a restaurant here, or anything like that, but I would like to…do that some day…God Willin…
I really like your input…You are wicked cool…
John
you are so right, ED really does adapt so **** well during recovery. it always finds back doors and holes to sneak back in.
i think it's admirable that you have taken so many small steps in order to counteract all these ED activities and that you are still doing so. i mean, even recognizing them right there and then is so difficult to begin with, and then to talk about them and attack them right away? wow, john!
i am absolutely sure you will manage the restaurant and many more things. you have come so far already, you can do the rest too!
xxx
John,
I'm late to this thread, but I wanted to welcome you to Support Groups! :) Yes, Jan is "wicked cool"! :D With her help, I followed the calorie counting method myself, and she's absolutely right; it worked for me! :)
Yes, we're all different. Yes, we all have a lot in common. It's great that you're working with a professional support team; I feel that's an absolutely essential part of recovery. Yes, we ALL can have a second chance at life!!! :D I would not have believed it myself, but here I am... Recovered. ♥
Panera... (smile) I'm sitting in a Panera right now! LOL! I always feel very safe eating here because the calories are listed... And thanks to the calorie counting method, I don't even choose the lowest cal options. I know how many calories I need in my meal, and I can form my meal as I choose. How's that for turning Ed on his head, huh?? :) I'm not counting much anymore, but it's still a comforting help when I need it. :)
Anyway, welcome! Please continue sharing. :)
Jen
Hey Jen…Thanks for your support. Sometimes I feel strong, but most of the time I feel like I am just trying to keep my head above water. I am keeping it simple currently, just doing my meal plan and being safe. In treatment, one of our outings was to Panera.
You should have seen us three Anorexic guys staring at the Calorie counts when we walked in the restaurant. The line of people slowly building behind us…It was rough…
Our dietitian was with us and man was she evil. She could have warned us…
I think I was the only one who ate something, and I just walked up and pointed to something. Didn’t care what it was called and didn’t look at the calories…
Tough day…One of the guys I was with had an anxiety attack inside the bathroom…
He is still there…He has been on the tube 24/7 for almost two months…God Bless Him…
Oh please...maybe cool, and maybe wicked sometimes, but wicked cool??? haha
Thanks for your input Jen..you are one great success story, and it just keeps getting better...love you!! ♥
Thanks, Jan! ♥ MUCHO!! :)
John,
Have you considered looking at the menu on-line? I have taken menus to my nutritionist before... It always helps to have a battle plan. :) Making the decision in advance reduces a LOT of pressure. Panera is easy for me today because I go there so often... It's one of my "safest" restaurants. I know the menu, I know what I like and feel comfortable with, and I can order without too much deliberation. New restaurants are always a challenge... But it does get easier. ♥
Lots of love,
Jen