My dads in hospice care again half of me is like I want us to bond and make things right before he dies and the other half of me is thinking just go ahead and die you selfish drunk bum so we all can get on with our lives cause you always dying. I just want him to give his heart for real to Jesus that is my biggest concern, to be honest.
Sadly, we cannot control his choices. Take care of yourself and do what is best for you. I wish you both peace. xx
Thanks for sharing your poem. I can most definitely relate. I always want to help in any way I can. I can barely help myself but I always do everything I can to help those I love. I tend to expect the same in return but it doesn't work out that way.
I need to stop excepting a return on my investments especially from those not really able or willing to give to me the way I give to them.
The I don't want him to go to Hell is the compassion because I really really don't want him to. I have also gone to see him many times including last year during my vacation time and then he turns around and kicks us all out of his crib, me, my sister, and grandsons. He was kind of nice about it but he still kicks us out and we were like really dude. We took time out of our vacation me and my son's birthday vacation to get disrespected as always. I and my sister were like did we just get kicked out of dad's and it was like yep. I keep trying and he's a **** every time. We even brought him Fathers dad's gifts which he didn't deserve and he didn't even fully accept them. I am good on my dad I just don't want him to go to Hell. We have also tried to drag him off the streets when he was living on them like at least 2-3 times because of his health issues, if that doesn't show at least a little love then I missing something clearly.
You can feel compassion and pray for him from a safe distance. His life choices are his. Do what makes you feel comfortable. You did your best.
I'm so sorry for the difficult situation. I can kind of relate. My mom and I have had a strained relationship since I was in high school. Now she had dementia and I had to put her in a nursing home. The conversations get a little wilder each week with more sporadic topics. We cannot force people to reconcile relationships, only do what's in our control. For years, I only saw my mom at Christmas, now I'm seeing her every week. Partially out of duty as her daughter, but also out of sympathy that she has to be there. It just feels like the right thing to do, so I go. Take care of your part of the relationship and continue praying for your dad. We'll pray with you. Prayers for peace, strength, comfort and for your dad to hear and see your faith and want to find his own as well.
thanks so much yes I will try to safely keep trying to have a relationship with them, however, I think it's time to revamp how I go about it because the ways in which I have been trying to is not working usually everyone involved ends up frustrated and or anger. I would love some useable, compassionate but firm ways to deal with them then I will just have to pray for the strength to stand my ground and use the ideas consistently. Even more so with my mom because I feel like since she stayed and didn't walk away like dad I feel almost like I owe her, however now that I am saying it I just feel that maybe that wrong or dumb.
@ndbassett it’s not wrong or dumb. Hold on to the relationship with her since you don’t have a good one with dad. Do what feels right and protects you. Continued prayers.
You need to be safe and healthy. We cannot help anyone if we are suffering and ill from stress/abuse....you are certainly not dumb and of course you care about your mom. It is ok and healthy to put yourself first so that you can help others when you are able. Sometimes we have to love from a distance in order to protect ourselves.
Thanks so true .
Yeah, I am going to try but the older me and my mom get the harder that seems to be she has become this sickly, depressed older bitter woman and I am trying not to become a middle aged one not yet middle age but I am closer now than I ever been.
@ndbassett as my mom aged she became more delusional and susceptible to negative input from abusive family members and cut off my contact. As a direct result my health failed. I was able to protect her physically thru the court but the emotional damage to our relationship was permanent.