My daughter is anorexic any help here?

Hi my daughter is anorexic, I'm seperated and because I am trying to help her she has now decided that she doesn't want help and so won't see meor respond to my calls or texts anyone got any advice?

A bit more details might help, like how old is your daughter? Does she live with her father? Did she confide in you of her anorexia or has it been a long struggle?

She has just turned 18 and has been suffering with this for over 3 years and whileit has always been a problem it got alot worse over the last year.
I approached her about it sayig that she had got really thin and she burst out crying and asked me to help her.
She was about to start attending a support group but then kept making excuses not to go and when I confronted her about it she lost the plot and hasn't talked to me since.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated as I just don't know what to do now. Her mother is in denial about this so my daughter has moved in with her fulltime where she used to live with me half of the week. This has made it impossible for me to try an sort things out

hi and welcome!

i copied a link to a similar discussion from only a few weeks back. maybe there will be some helpful info.

http://eating-disorder.supportgroups.com/sgj/eating-disorder/scared-angry-resentful

otherwise, another question: what did she say exactly when she asked for help? and how did you confront her the second time? such situations are so sensitive and difficult to handle. there is no right or wrong, you can only try. but it really is vital to get as much info as possible before taking action.
so well done for reaching out on here!!

xxx
maedi

Thanks for the link but I'm afraid that it did not work.There was no real confrontation she just gave a couple of excuses why she couldn't go to the support group, I found solutions so she could go and then she just said she didn't want to go. All this was done by text . I then told her to let me know when she wanted to go. She then replied that she was more than just an eating disorder and why didn't I talk to her about anything else. I haven't heard from her since although I have texted her a few times about various things she just ignores me

sorry bout that. search for ‘sandylyn’. there is only one post whch is the one i mean.

it seems as if your daughter is in that precarious state of confusion herself. a time where she kind of knows, something is wrong, yet the positive feelings she gets from the ED are still so strong that anything you mights say about it will be interpreted wrong and in favor of ED.

it is an extremely tough situation and i can’t imagine being a parent i this case. but try to show her that no matter what you are there for her. that you are interestes in other thing than her ED too. you’ve tried already but keep going. unfortunately whe will need her own time, and i don’t know how long that may be which is probably the scariest bit.

did she ever say why she did not want to go to the group?

keto,

have you tried speaking to her mother. i understand that you and her are separated, but trying to explain to her why her daughter decided to move full time with her might be wise.

her mom might be in denial, but it can't hurt to try to explain the situation to her for your daughter's sake. make that the focus of it, to make sure your daughter is healthy.

it has to be does carefully as mentioned above, if your daughter is approached the wrong way with it, it may trigger her further into ED than before.

Scarlette

Hi Scarlette

Thanks for replying to me. This is my real problem as her mother is very bitter and if I try to discuss anything with her mother she will run back and tell my daughter anything I confide in her. It’s a crazy situation as our day in court comes soon so she is trying to keep my daughter living with her for financial gain. It’s extra messy. My other daughters are only 8 and 9 so too young to become involved in this.I have considered talking to my X’s mother and father or her sisters, who I get on very well with but I think it is too risky as if my daughter heard I had beeb talking about her to everybody it might really freak her out.
Keto

Keith

think about which person is closest to her, and talk to one person. explain that it is a delicate situation and you don't want to alienate her you just want her to be okay. explain that you are worried and your ex is in denial of it. yes if your daughter knows she will get upset. but then you are just trying to look out for her so be discreet with it. she does want help, from the sound of it, just scared or maybe not totally ready.

Scarlette

Thanks Scarlette

The problem is that no one is really that close to her,I was probably the closest to her and I've no idea if she would talk about this with any of her friends. God the more I talk about this the more scared I get! Where do I go from here all doors seem to be closing.
Keto

keto, have you been in touch with her recently? how is she at the moment? did she mention anything about her anorexia? if not, do you think you could raise the topic again? or maybe ask her how she is generally doing/feeling? i know she may well completely reject any further approach but i think it's worth another try, especially if you were the closest.

Keto,

I have struggled with anorixia for 16 years and I just read a book that might be helpful to you. It might answer some of your questions and explain the place that your daughter is in and how to respond and talk to your daughter.

The Secret Language of Eating Disorders
By: Peggy Claude-Pierre