Im freaking. I really need support right now. I just got weighed and I gained some weight. It wasnt a lot but, it was enough for me to start panicking and crying. It seems that everytime I get weighed, Im only bigger. I lose some weight, I get happy but then, I eat again and gain it all back. When I was in residential, I got emaciated after my friend died and I got really sick. But, I felt happy that I was small once again. Then, I was on Zyprexa and I gained back all the weight I worked for over 3 years to lose. My mom says I look "plump". My aunt says I look fine and my boyfriend says Im beautiful. Who should I listen to? MY ED says Im ugly, fat, huge, and so many other nasty things. Every morning when I wake up, I tell myself that "today I wont eat as much" but then I eat more than I do the day before. I wont say much more but, Im really mad that Im bigger than I was yesterday. Im really mad that Im gaining weight, that I cant stop eating and that people think Im plump. I just want to never eat again and die a slow painful death. I want to be a much smaller size and I want to be happy. I will never be happy until Im small again.
Sasha....I realize that the ED tells you different things than the reality, but it truly comes down to the fact that YOU are not what you weigh or what your body looks like. I wonder if you can begin to do some interpersonal work on who you are outside of the ED. Sometimes it's easiest to start off by lising simple facts about yourself, and then build on them. You are Sasha....you like...???......you enjoy doing ???......you have brothers or sisters????....you live in ???......etc. We don't have to see these things, but I think it might be helpful for you to begin to think outside the box a bit about your true identity. It's not your weight, shape or size.
Take care...Jan ♥
Thanks Jan. Thats a good idea. I will write these lists in my journal.
I have a migraine now. I hit my head in the shower a couple of days ago and my heads been killing me ever since. I talk to my psych doc on the phone today.
Take care,
Sasha
Hi! As you probably know, focusing on the negative can only result in bad things. Try to brush off negative comments and accept only positive input. I like the previous note as she gives you a proactive approach for attacking your challenges. That's the type of input you can embrace as it offers some wisdom on dealing with your ED. So choose to pay attention to comments by your aunt, your boy friend and good supporting friends like Jan. Make it a great day. Charlie
Thanks. I am 32 weeks pregnant now and so Ive gained 30 pounds. Its been hard but I keep reminding myself that weight gain right now in my life is a good thing for my daughter. Cuz when I eat she eats. Shes 5 pounds already the doctor determined. Shes wiggly, moves alot and is coming in 2 months or so. Ive had depression more which has made it hard for me to want to eat but for my daughter I will. Im worried I wont lose the weight when shes born but I know I will because my friends have had kids and they have. I have to keep thinking positive and for baby.