My ex and I have a 7 year old daughter together and we have

My ex and I have a 7 year old daughter together and we have been separated for over 6 years. He's beyond difficult to deal with, I could go on for days about how horrible it is. But recently he has began telling my daughter not to tell me little things, things that wouldn't even matter if I knew, like falling off her bike, going to the park, eating out, etc. My daughter was having so much anxiety over the simple question "how was your weekend with dad?", so I've quit asking because she's told me that she doesn't want to lie to me but doesn't want to make her dad mad. I confronted him about this in counseling and he flat out denied it. He accused me of interrogating our daughter when she returns. I don't know how to protect her from this...am I supposed to just ignore it?

He has also began making her feel bad that she is with me slightly more than him, he tells her that he's poor but I'm not, he tells her that she's nothing like me. I'm afraid he's teaching her to be like him...and that scares me so much. I feel like I have to protect her from this...if she ends up like him, I will have completely failed her. I guessI'm kind of just venting, but would love advice. But counseling is out of the question...last time I wanted to do it, he accused me of attempting to brainwash her, told me that counseling will screw her up and he'll take me to court over since he doesn't agree to it.

1 Heart

Welcome to the group! Sounds like he is just making idle threats (like narcs like to do) about counselling for her. You can take her and let the doctor make the decision. They can also help you in court with custody. You need to do what is best for her. She needs someone to talk to. Have you researched gray rock? It is a technique for those that can't go no contact because of co-parenting

I don't know what advice to give sorry, I never had kids, but I worry the site could be quiet and I don't want you feeling ignored.
I should be up for a hole if you need anything.

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Thanks Minizooboy, I appreciate that.

Yellowrose10, Thank you! I have tried the gray rock thing. It is really, really hard for me to do. He pushes buttons and I feel that I have to defend myself against all his crazy accusations. I've tried to gray rock and seems to make him worse. It's eventually supposed to work, right? I guess I haven't been strong enough to follow through. It's so draining. I guess I could just go ahead and put her in counseling... just dealing with him on it would be horrible. Unfortunately I know he wouldn't care if the doctor tells me to do it, he hates doctors and thinks they are all out to kill us or give us diseases and cancer for their own profit....he really is crazy I think!

@nicolea408 I take it there’s no way to force your ex into g toting their own mental health support?
Mind you I’m presuming they’d have the docs bent around their pinky in no time?

Actually, him and I just went to a counselor because of a court order to do co-parenting counseling. We've only had one session so far, and I actually think the dr sees right though him (which is amazing because I've heard horror stories!). I did pick one who specializes in mental health though (he doesn't know that!). She did suggest that we bring our daughter in, and without skipping a beat he immediately refused and told her he doesn't consent to that because it's "unnecessary" and would be "traumatizing" for her, he literally talked for almost 20 minutes about how counseling screwed him up as a kid.

After the session, I got an insanely long email and a text telling me that our daughter doesn't need counseling and went about threatening court and going for full custody. I don't know if the counselor would see our daughter if she knows that he doesn't consent. I could ask, but I fear that she will mention it in a session and then I'll have to deal with that. I know, he's controlling me with fear.... I just try to get through all of this with as little conflict as possible.

I will join that group, thank you for letting me know about it!!

Hi Hun my ex did this to my kids and in the end I sent him warning letters from my solicitor as I asked a few experts and they advised it is deemed emotional abuse to the children to treat them like that and is not ok. I also got advice about how to counteract it without joining in the parent bashing (so hard when you hate them i know) but I was told to say things like 'daddy loves you but mummy and daddy can't be together anymore because they don't get on. Sometimes daddy gets angry about this and like mummy has told you if someone bullies you or is mean to you then you walk away and ignore them and that is what mummy is doing to daddy' I also told my kids that they weren't to have any secrets other than nice ones like presents. I had to listen to some of the small things without reacting so that they didn't worry about me or worry that I would tell
Him and get in trouble. My daughter also confides in my mum a lot and we were advised that my mum shouldn't tell me unless it was something serious and then they'd tell me together. That really helped as my daughter trusts my mum now and sometimes she doesn't say things to me, I think not to hurt my feelings. Hope this helps. You can send warnings as it is out of order. Get some legal advice xx