My ex narcissist called me a month ago after no contact... And it's pathetic but I miss him.
3 Hearts
PS: I ignored him.
1 Heart
@Firefly1111 it’s ok to miss him . Just stay focused on healing you!!! I Know I miss what i thought and believed was real .
But with all I know now , I’m
Kind of numb to it , at least for now . Hang in there !
Be strong I miss mine too... It's hard to stay away but no one deserves to feel like they don't matter.
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What do you mean by trained?
@Firefly1111 they get you used to the emotional dependency to need them they give you paid and then make you feel better over and over like brainwash
@tabbylady wonderful description and reminder!
He didn't ever belittle me, but he would come and go and just when I was about to get over him he would call me or email me. Is that a part of it too?
Last summer he said he was going to think about us... He came back from another country [ which was why he left me. AKA he wanted free range to have sex with other people ] and I didn't hear from him... Then I did. He was dating someone else and said it was convenient because there were no feelings AKA what he calls " responsibility" ... I was so mad. This after finding German sexual protection. I wonder how he can be so cold to me without realizing it.
He supposedly was breaking it off with her. And seeing how cold he can be in regards to another person who he was sleeping with sucks too.
And tabbylady, I can once again thank you for my own coming to understand this as well.
I believe my narc was a sex addict, but she denied it. Still, by her own admission she went through batteries at an abnormal rate, to fuel the usage of her vibrator/dildo ("rabbit") toy, which she kept within arm's reach at all times when in bed. That supplemented her sex life, when she was alone, but was always used regardless, in-between and during normal sex, with me, at least. Who knows about the others?....
I didn't mind that, but eventually I came to understand that just like the rabbit had it's place in a nightstand drawer,, she would have also liked to have been able to store me conveniently in a bedroom closet, to be called into action and turned on at her whim, but then expected to shut up and go inactive at all other times, so as not to annoy her with anything she didn't want to hear.
I felt degraded, ashamed, humiliated, and worthless once I realized that this was really all I meant to her. I stood up for her bad behavior so often, excusing it and overlooking it, but always thinking she was basically a sweet but misunderstood woman (nobody "gets" me...")
Now I've moved beyond the sympathy and caring, and those thoughts have turned to anger and hatred.
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I can relate- it's easy to hate that.. Are you a HSP?
Hi, firefly. I had to look up HSP, as I have not previously been familiar with that term for "Highly Sensitive Person". No, I am not an HSP, my sensory experiences are well within what would be considered the norm, I'm sure.
@tabbylady - thanks for the comment about Firefly’s question. I do have a higher level of empathy than normal but couldn’t relate to the hyper-empathy that is characteristic of the HSP description. But I can imagine how that just sets you up for even more misery.
And thanks for your concurrence on the sex addiction point. It was right there staring me in the face all the time but I accepted her denial when I asked her one day about the possibility of sex addiction. She said she was uninhibited and like to explore new things in the bedroom and didn’t feel that was a fault. But it was also true that I came to feel like little more than a backup, or second-string option to her vibrator. She was really the best “in tune”, literally, with the vibrations of her rabbit. It was often used before, during, and after our own sex. It was a joke to her, because she could have multiple orgasms and didn’t like to miss out on “one more” as long as she still had any energy left. She really was a chronic masturbator, as strange as that seems, and for a woman, especially. But she loves herself so much that having frequent solo sex is probably her favorite sexual activity. The only reason for having sex with live males is for narcissistic supply - to hear their praise about how hot she is in bed. That’s the only thing the rabbit can’t do for her.
You're not pathetic, my friend. That's what people like that do, make us feel and do things against our better judgement. That's what makes it so hard to get away from them.
My ex narc told me one time " if you had a binge on food because you were upset is no different than if I had sex with someone else because you didn't take care of me"..... I had no words . Just utter shock and hurt .
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bcpgrad - No, there are no words that are adequate for such an outrageous attempt to justify that behavior. Utter shock, hurt, just two more of the emotions we victims of narcs become so accustomed to living with on a daily basis. And their response: "I don't know what to say. It's just the way I am. I can't change."
They are aliens and shouldn't be walking free among us.
@KurtMichaels and that’s EXACTLY what he said about himself !
It is very fascinating !!