My Family is INSANE

Today was rough, but not due to me! I was doing ok and then I talk to my mom and dad. The conversation led to excessive exercising and me finally getting on this site to vent (in hope that this prevents any more ED behavior).(My parents as you know are unaware of my ED. Which seriously, how can you live in the same house from age 16(when the ED started)-23 and no one knew.) So anyway, on the phone they discussed a buffet that they went too for dinner and how they ate sooooo many calories and consumed soooo much fat. Ugh, so my mom was exercising as we were on the phone and complaining about her belly being full! Ok seriously, they wonder why I do not want them around my children for long stays. That is all they talk about is weight, food, etc....ahhh and I wonder why I am the way I am!

In the past I have asked my parents to eat with my kids when they are visiting, to not talk about: food, weight, dieting, and not to skip meals in front of them...their response was they were offended. They said that my kids are not around them enough to understand! Seriously, it took everything in me not to snap and tell them the whole truth, but it would not have mattered and they would have turned it around to they failed me as parents!

This weekend my husband and I are going to a wedding out of town. For the first time we are leaving the kids with my parents overnight. I am mortified about this and I am unsure what I will come home to. My son picks up on everything and repeats everything (he is almost 4). Luckily my daughter is too young to understand.

I just don't want to hear the food and body issues anymore from them, I have my own issues to deal with. I am not strong enough yet to tell them the truth. I am just so frustrated!!!

My husband is furious about discussions when we visit. He said to me one day driving home that he thinks weight and food is the only thing that my family has in common and that is why the only thing is discussed. He is at his wits end too, because he doesn't want our kids doing what I've done.

How do I handle this?

I think it's fair to let your family know that your children will not be spending time alone with them unless you know they will respect your wishes. If they are not able or willing to do that, then I suggest that you find another source of child care for long periods of time. When you visit and are with your children, you can be a buffer, but when you are not there, who knows what they are being exposed to. YOU get to choose about this. Your children DO pick up on things much more than you realize.
You are completely correct in choosing to protect them. Take care...Jan ♥

I agree with Jan 100%. You're not being unreasonable at all.

I think that you and your husband need to have a sit down talk with your parents... as hard as that is :/ It was hard telling my family, but at the end I was glad I did.

i agree. in the end hiding the fact you have an ED will only make it worse. but i do understand how your parents may try to switch it to themselves. when i told my mom she said to me, where did i go wrong as a mom? i could have said you went wrong here, here, there, over there, on that point, etc...a mile long. but i didn't i asked her if we could keep the focus on what was going on with me. she got mad and we stopped talking. after years of trying to work things out with my family i realized one thing...they were not going to change for me so i needed to stop hurting myself by talking to them.
this may not be what you need to do, but if they are unwilling to change for you. it is up to you to decide whether it is important enough to make changes to leave them out of your life or keep them in it, however uncomfortable they may be when the changes are done.
they may not understand why talking about those things is so toxic to you and why you don't want your child to hear it. understand that when you tell them your issue it is possible they may try to pin blame on you if the kids start doing things they are doing or picked up from them. just be careful with that situation. think things through and then act.


I agree with Jan in her discussion above! You need to protect your children.

I once left my daughter with a friend's family. When I returned from the FIRST ever time awy from my kids (she was in 9th grade) she had decided to be just like the girl's Mom...who was not eating anything but fruits for 3 weeks...I ended up taking her to a doctor, because she was so messed up.

My husband is having some of the same issues as your parents are exhibiting. I feel for you, girl! Take it from me: sometimes people will NEVER change. I'm coming to that conclusion slowly, yet surely!

I don't think you have nearly the problems that you think you do! I'm banking on my intuition that your folks are OCD, and probably have the same thing I think my husband has: Orthoexia...obsession over eating healthy!