After more than 10 years of being my Fathers sole caregiver,he has passed.There are many good sweet memories and the knowledge I have that I extended and improved the quality of his Life.There are also many hard memories of struggling to cope without and sleep,without any answers as to just what the Dementia was doing to him.I have also the memory of a long phone call from our favorite Doctor,taking the time to tell me how obvious it was to any other Doctor or Nurse who encountered my Father throughout his various multiple hospital stays,that someone was taking loving care of this man.The Doctor told me repeatedly that no one could believe my Father was 98 years old and he expressed how wonderful it was for anyone to have such care,at the end of their Life knowing only Love and the familiar sounds and sights of home.It has been 6 months and I cannot recover,I feel so broken by how difficult the Dementia made Life for the last 2 years.I did not know I could physically do all of the things that were required of me to keep my Father at home and healthy and clean,I learned and tried harder and harder to keep up,losing myself in the process.Friends tell me it will take time for me to switch over to taking care of myself,they say I can adjust and learn how to have my own Life again.But they are not here,in this silence,unable to touch his toothbrush or his clothes,unable to sit where he sat or cook our favorite foods.To have things change so completely was strange enough,but to be alone through the Holidays,struggling financially and emotionally,was too much.I explored many options available to me but I have come to understand that the invisibility that covered my Father and I as his illness worsened,has not left me.Now it is the loneliness and the isolation that compounds the grief,if it were not for my 2 cats really who knows?My
Fathers cat mourned heavily,for the first month he wandered through the house wailing,not wanting to eat never settling in to sleep for long.I would have to go and find him and hold him and sing to him,trying to bribe him with treats to just stop wailing and eventually he did.Now it seems a quiet type of resignation has settled over this house,
I cook I clean I do some creative sewing I read but I don’t go out,I cant my car has died,so I am home just ordering groceries and wondering if its really true that it’s better to be on your own and learn to really Love yourself and keep yourself good company than to accept someone into your life just to not be alone?I am still hit with huge waves of grief everyday and I feel myself shutting down,how do I regain my enjoyment of anything at all?
Thank you so much for your post. Im am going through thoughts feelings of my father who is slowing going he wants to stay home. No more appointments. That is what he wishes. My moods are all over the place but i am caring for him everyday helping him on what he needs. He is in his mid 80’s says he has lived his life. Im trying to care for him for what he needs and im doing a great job. Your post has helped me so much. Im sorry for your loss. Thank you for caring for your father im proud of you and caring for his cats. Hugs to you each day. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words,Im glad I cared for my Father and I know in my heart I’ve done a very good thing.Im sending you positive energy and encouragement as you help your Father during the end of his Life journey.My Father grew weary of the appointments too,so many of them that towards the end I cancelled them all and insisted on home visits.It became to exhausting for us both to simply get there.You are an amazing human being to be doing what you are for your Father and please feel proud of yourself and try your best to also care for your own needs,(though that might be hard at times.)All the best to you and your Father.
Thank you so much. Yes i am currently canceling his appointments in progress. Yes i have taken care of him well. Yes the exhaustion is real. Im trying to take care of myself but when your spread thin it can be hard. Thank you again. You made me heal a bit once i read your story. I didn’t feel alone and felt much better getting it out. Hugs to you today and forever grateful.
Im sorry for your loss. My grandma is 92 and just developed more dementia and its tough. All my good wishes to you and your family
Thank you so much for your good wishes.Dementia is so heartbreaking and then your heart breaks again when your loved one passes.I live in hope that time will ease the pain a bit.
I didnt see you asked a question at the end, mourning, in my opinion, is the hardest part of being a living thing. What you did to the cats is great, keep talking to them, gove treats, put them to sleep with you. You will enjoy things again and life will be normal, it will take time, i know everything seems dark now but keep doing the things you usually do, idk where you live but if you can take a walk, it helps a lot. Thats what i did, i did the same things as always and i also took time to just cry, just be with your emotions, write about it, you need to feel it, there’s no easy way out.
Good ideas thanks for the information. Im sure when my parent goes ill need some skills to cope. Hugs to you all.