Hi,
It sounds like that you went through a type of stalking from this man?
When I was young and had rented my first apartment, something similar happened to me. The apartment that I was renting was in a 4-plex, so there were only 4 units in the building. Next door was a parking lot that went to a restaurant. In the evenings, I would park my convertible Volkswagon in a far corner of their parking lot.
Having lived in the apartment building for over a year, I got to know all of my neighbors fairly well and they were made up of an older married couple, a younger couple with a baby and a senior citizen, a sweet little old man.
Out of the blue one day, I go out to get into my car to go to work and there was a long stemmed red rose lying on the ground by my driverside door. There was no note, no nothing. I didn't know who would have left it for me. I wasn't dating anyone or had a boyfriend.
Then it went from one rose to like six or seven roses. Still I had no idea of who would be leaving them. At first, I said to myself, this is kind of cool, that I have a secret admirer.
Then one day I went out to get in my car to go to work and there was two large trays of womens jewelry neatly placed under the side of my car. I pulled them out and there was all kinds of expensive and in-expensive womens jewelry in the trays. There were a few rings and some 14k gold items.
It was obvious, that the person who had been leaving the roses had burglarized someone elses' home and had stolen the two trays of jewelry. I didn't know what to do. If I called the police to turn in the jewelry, I was afraid of what this person might do to me. Would he try to hurt me or vandalize my car for calling the police and for rejecting his gifts? He also knew what apartment I lived in. I thought of moving but at the time, I didn't have the money to move to another apartment.
So, I know somewhat of what you're feeling. You feel scared all of the time, because you don't really know what you did to trigger this persons behavior. You probably didn't do anything to cause it, because it's their fantasy, it's their perceptions and how they see you. They develop ideas about the kind of person you are, which would be their fantasy woman, and then they convince themselves that you feel the same as they do.
Later I began receiving phone calls in the middle of the night like once a month. Never on the same day of the month. It was a male voice and it sounded demonic. I would just hang up. After about the 5th time it happened, I got my phone number changed and the calls stopped.
I went through so much fear and anxiety. I didn't want anything to do with this person, whomever he was. I didn't even know what he looked like!
It got to the point to where I was literaly running to my car in the morning and at night to get in it and drive away as quickly as possible. I constantly watched my review mirror to see if anyone was following me. I was always looking around to see if some weird looking guy was staring at me wherever I went, thinking 'is that him!!'?
It was all very un-nerving to feel like I was constantly being watched wherever I went.
I developed severe anxiety and constantly checked to see if all of my windows and doors were locked when I was at home. It's a horrible feeling to feel that your every move is being watched, as if you're a specimen in a zoo.
I also knew that this guy had already burglarized one home (because he had stolen the two trays of women's jewelry) and that he could just as easily break into my apartment to see how I live. Or had he already?
Well, I ended up moving out of that apartment soon after. It was just as well, because I was too scared to live there anymore. What this person did over a period of about a year caused me to feel unsafe even to this day.
That person took away my sense of security. He caused me to feel as though he could get at me at any time he wanted and do whatever he felt like doing, maybe rape and kill me?
I didn't want his affections! I didn't know how he came to attach himself to me? I thought that what he was doing was terrible. And I didn't want any of the stolen jewelry that he had left tucked under my car. I sat it away from my car in the parking lot and just drove away. When I came home that evening, the two trays were gone. I don't know if he had came back and took them or if someone walking by took them?
I didn't care! I just wanted this person to leave me alone!
Because of what he did, I felt that I had no control over what could happen to me. It was very scary! I felt very scared all of the time.
So eventually I moved.
I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. It is just so horrible to have to be in that kind of a situation.
Best regards,
S.O.C.