so my friend saw my today it been about 2 week the first thing she said was you look better in my head aka your getting fat.then she made it worse by adding your getting some meat on your bone you don't look like a bone rack anymore keep it up im proud of u. ugh the whole 3 hour we spent together was a form of torture she kept making comment on my appearance the worst of them for me being your tummy starting to look like a tummy again its so cute and tiny. felt like dying right then and there i know she meant well but its not helping my . since she left i have been doing countless sit ups and jumpingjax and i went for a 45 min run. thank god i m going to treatment in as week left to my own defenses i would undo all the hard work i have done and probably do even more damage. i have this. i hate my life i so tired of this **** i just want to be normal why am i so fucked up.
Hey jwb,
Ya people can be very insensitive to how serious an eating disorder is. Is this a close friend? Maybe you should call her on it and explain that talking about weight in ANYWAY is a no no. Because someone says "healthy" we hear "fat", even though from their hearts and souls they never meant that at all.
Please please don't give into the ED. You can and are doing so well. You aren't fucked up, you are just going through a truly stressful time at present.
If you don't feel like calling your friend up on it, make a mental note the next time to just say to your friend oh can we not talk about weight and if she says I meant it as a compliment, then just kindly explain you understand but it's just such a tough topic for you, so just to keep the conversation away from it.
I have told my mother if I lose weight (I suffer from BED) I don't want her patting me on the back for it, because I don't want any affirmations for losing weight. I want to be recognised for other things, like getting passed this.
So keep going girlie, you are doing so fantastic. Keep your focus on therapy next week. And keep coming here for support, we are all behind you.
Love to you
Moongal x
Ah, Moongal, you've got the right idea! ♥ Comments about our appearance, in any way, only work to reinforce the fear that other people are watching and judging. And the ED mind still hears what it fears... Weight gain = FAT. Which, of course is NOT what your friend meant, Leah... Still... I understand how that must have felt to you... ♥ I agree that you should just tell her how those comments, although said with good intentions, have made you feel. It sounds like this friend really cares about you, and she would likely be surprised to hear how her comments made you feel. I'm sure she'd adjust her comments in the future. ♥
Much love,
Jen
just...your friend likely was trying to help, but just doesn't realize what her words sound like in YOUR head..as we all understand. I agree that you should consider explaining to her how those comments are not helpful to you. Please don't harm yourself any more. I will be so relieved when you get into treatment! Take care...Jan ♥
When it comes to eating disorder recovery, comments on the physical body are really hard to hear. For me, comments on my body are still difficult because I am at a place where I want my personality to be appreciated, not just this body I occupy. I want people to come up and say to me, "Wow, Heather, you are an awesome person" not "Hey Heather, you look so great today." Like moongal said, I want to be recognized for other things. Can you relate to this?
The only way I got the comments to stop was to tell the people in my life who were making those comments, "I get super uncomfortable when people comment on my appearance or comment on my weight. If you want to show your support for my recovery, here's something you can say..." And then I'd tell them something. Most people, I have found, were super thankful to be given some lines to say that were helpful. Nobody wants to contribute to your pain or discomfort!
thanks guys i tried telling her but it did not go as well as i thought it would she got all defensive and was like your not fat i did not mean it like that ur twisting my words then i attempted to ex plane that it was not her that was wrong it my thought proses all she said was fine i will never compliment you again i said ok if thats how you feel thats fine then she changed the subject i guess it hard for her to understand it she think i just looking at thing negatively and that im just too sensitive. at lest u guys understand me thanks again im gonna miss you guy when im in treatment