My friend's husband exhibits all the characteristics of BPD

My friend's husband exhibits all the characteristics of BPD. When she tells me about issues she is having with him I hear myself in them. In one way it is helpful to know how BPD looks from the other side but it extremely difficult to hear what we put others through. So I was fine this morning but after spending half the day trying to help her and explain what her husband might be thinking, I am now depressed and lonely. I want to help others understand but it can bring out a lot of hurts.

2 Hearts

You are right, helping can bring up the negative emotions but for me I tried to replace each negative with a positive. I am in no place to be advising someone but in reality I am also an expert! So I challenge my negativity and focus on the positivity. Easy to say, I know

1 Heart

Yes, I'd love some examples too! So eager to learn how to deal with this.

Haha I will try but nott good at putting things into words... My therapist asked me to keep a thought journal and for every negative thought I wrote down, force myself to write down 3 positive thoughts. It was hard at first but became easier.

My first night on here somebody posted saying they were suicidal... Nobody had replied yet and I thought seeing as though I have had many suicidal thoughts lately that maybe I could help. Then I thought I am a new member I should not get involved yet. Then remembered how in dealing with my addiction issue I placed more value on a dentist that resorted to armed robberies than the words of any addiction therapist. So maybe I could help... So I kinda bring up my emotions in posting a reply. I do find it easier to be logical when trying to advise a friend as opposed to solving my own problems. Anyway after I posted the guy never replied. Im thinking for all I know he carried through... Then started to get down myself... Thought about it for a while and decided that letting the negative thoughts always be the go to thought what if I believed maybe it did help him and now he is dealing with his problems... Or maybe it helped someone who hasnt even bothered to post. I am very quick with negatives and really have to force the positives but it is worth it!

Now that Ive confused you haha its just thought challenging. If you have neg thought try a positive explanation. Or two.

2 Hearts

@Alllitup It makes sense to me and thank you for explaining your process. " I do find it easier to be logical when trying to advise a friend as opposed to solving my own problems." is a really great observation and I often feel the same way. Hugs!