My good friend is addicted to fentanyl. He snorts it. I know

My good friend is addicted to fentanyl. He snorts it. I know the crack addict he buys from. It's been causing daily massive fights between us. He and I used to date. I've been dealing with his addiction, watching him high, and putting up with his cruelty. When he's called out on anything, he blows up. We live 5 doors apart, and I'm trying to find somewhere to move. This is one of his reasons for using. I'm at the point where I want to cut off all ties with him. I'm tired of his lying, selfishness, and broken promises. I'm becoming hopeless where he is concerned.

1 Heart

Hi! I am certainly no expert in dealing with addicts. I do know one thing and it is that you are right in cutting all ties with toxic people in general. You can offer support to someone that wants to improve, change and be better, but you cannot make someone want to improve.

So it is their job to be better. I wish you the best getting away from toxic people. You have a lot to live for and do and it makes me happy to see people wanting to turn their life around!

3 Hearts

@JayCoast Thank you for your kind words. You’re absolutely correct, and I know that I can’t change anyone but myself.

I’ve been doing hard work to get mentally healthier. I’m used to having to rely on myself, so posting can be very difficult.

I believe we are not equipped to support the addict without medical intervention. Anything less May enable the addict further.. However, when the enabling ceases the addict may eventually enter rehab, the only choice for success. Narc anon groups understand enabling and codependency. Friends and family need experienced guidance to support recovery. If you disengage, be prepared for his toxic behavior to escalate.

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As the former supporter of an addict who was the love of my life, I understand how difficult this is for those who are part of an addict's life. I also had an alcoholic fiancé who turned out to be an abuser who nearly killed me. It's very hard to know what to do. In the first case, I loved the person & had known him before I knew of his addiction; we'd been friends for years. HIs death destroyed me. He had been sober for about 8 months, & he relapsed the day he left to go home after visiting me (so of course, I also blamed myself). With the other person, he portrayed himself as a completely different person until I had moved in with him (leaving my home state), & then he gradually let me see what he was like. It started with him drinking the "occasional" beer every night or so, then it was a 6 pack, then 12 beers, etc. The very last time, I begged him not to get in his car to go by more beer. I was standing in front of the door crying, just begging him not to go because he'd consumed about 12 beers in a short period. That was when he nearly killed me.

Addiction is an illness, but different people handle it differently. My loved one tried his hardest to fight it, went to AA meetings twice a day, filled his days with activities to keep himself accountable, etc. His situation was a lapse, & because he wasn't used to it anymore, it was a fatal overdose. But the other one--the abuser--he abused me physically & emotionally, trying to get me to enable him---asking me to drink all the time with him, acting like I deserved to be harmed because I'm "crazy." That was actually going to be his lawyer's defense!

At any rate, @Andine is right---we can't do it alone. The person with the illness has to commit to it, & they have to get treatment. Just like with my PTSD, no one else can fix it, & I can't heal without a true commitment to treatment. So yes, it's an illness, but at some point, people choose to address it & get help or not. Please take care.

1 Heart

I’ve been on both sides of the fence with this and for me any-anon anonymous can help you not the significant other. I know what works for me. Just a suggestion

@Tgipper1961 He won’t go to rehab. He won’t go to NA meetings. As usual, he thinks that he can stop on his own. I realize that I’m helpless. I realize that this has to be his choice. It’s agonizing to watch, and I’m beyond frustrated. It frustrates me even more that he doesn’t seem to understand why I’m frustrated.

Sadly, the drug is in charge of his brain and he will only drag you down with him. So very sorry for your suffering. He might only seek help once all the enablers are gone and that can take a while if ever.

I understand why you want to move. You do not have to live with him to request no trespass or no contact if you need him to leave you alone.

@andine Unfortunately, I’ve had to get a PFA (Protection From Abuse) before. It’s not a fun process. I’m sticking to my boundaries which can be difficult, but necessary, which is helpful.

I hope things have gotten better for you and that you were able to safely move away.

@tevagregory. I apologize. I only JUST got the notification of a response.

Unfortunately, I am still living in the same neighborhood. I’m still working on myself though.