I used to believe in fairy tales. My life has turned into a nightmare. I am 33years old and have been with my husband for 12 years, we have three beautiful kids together. I have been wanting more, I miscarried triplets in 2008. I gave my husband everything he ever wanted and needed, I took very good care of him. I wanted us to grow old together. Monday was my birthday, one that I will never forget. (he has no clue that I know anything just yet) I found out that for the past 5 or so years he has been having an affair and that woman is pregnant with his third baby. I am so hurt, sad, numb, and betrayed. I have no clue what to do, where to go. I know that I have to get away. I am not going to have my kids around this and thinking it is ok that Daddy cheated on mommy when they are older. How could he do this to me? How can he act like nothing is wrong? Now things are starting to make sence, all those times he disapeared and was late. The other woman, how could she do this? She knew he is married with kids. I am lost.
Darling, what a horrible thing to have to discover, on your birthday of all days!! I'm so very sorry you this is happening to you. I'm also very sorry about your miscarriage.
My father cheated on my mother (multiple times) before my mother did anything about it. I don't know how she could stand it, or him. They separated 8 years ago and divorced about 3 or 4 years ago. I don't know if the wound ever heals after something of this sort.
You deserve soo much better. You deserve to be treated with respect, love and compassion!
I wish I could fix this for you. And although it sounds like a dumb thing for me to say right now, you need to keep your chin up and take care of yourself and your children. They will not grow up to believe that what their father did was right. No child ever does in a case like this.
I hope things get easier for you soon...
Thank you for your advice and compassion. I am trying hard to find my way...one day at a time.
Take care.
Carrie
I cannot imagine learning what you learned ever, but especially on your birthday. He does not deserve you. He has to make a choice. You have to decide if he choses you, do you want to chose him? KrisNic is right, you also have to decide if this is the example you want your children to see? How in the world did he successfully hide this for so long?
You are so strong...seek extra strength from us...
You do deserve better! Shame on him for betraying you and the kids. You are a strong women and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Keep your chin up and do what is right for you and your children.
Thank you all. All though I just really found out. Deep in my heart I knew that something wasn't right. He would get upset over the little things and he would just go out and not come home some times until the next day. He would have an excuse and get mad at me if I didn't believe him. I am not sure if I was ready to know the truth then. Now, I am trying to make a plan. I know that the kids and I have to leave. I look at him with disgust now, how could he do that to me...the woman that he vowed himself to under God, and then the three kids that God gave us? My dilema is finding a lawyer that I can afford and finding a place for my kids and I. I also work overnight at the hospital so I will need to find someone to watch my kids. My head just hurts thinking about everything that I have to do.
Carrie
I am so sorry to hear what pain you must be enduring right now. No one person in this world should ever have to find something like that out. You must feel like you are in shock and that makes it very hard to even think at all. You sound like you are a very strong woman. You say that your husband doesn’t even know you know yet. What strength that takes to keep it inside you. If it were me I would not be able to control myself and things would get very ugly. I hope you can take comfort in knowing how brave and strong you are and that you will be able to get through this. You had said in your other post that you were not happy before you found all this out. It may be a blessing in disguise. Just know I am here for you anytime you need someone to talk to. I am going through a really bad time as well. Married almost 25yrs and now not knowing if we are going to make it. A sick feeling inside. To live with someone for so long and not even really know them just simply sucks. I can feel your pain and am here for you if you want.
Take care of you I will be praying for you and hope to hear back from you.
Hugs,
Lily
Lily,
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I don't feel very strong right now, I feel more like a coward. I just don't want to comfront him until I have a plan and have the kids in a safe place and have a place for us to go to. When I look at my husband I want to cry. I can't believe that he could do this to me and the kids. He must have no soul. I am numb to the world right now. I am sorry for what you are going through also I will be praying for you.
Hugs back,
Carrie
Carrie - you are thinking about this wrong - you and the children do not have to go anywhere. He is the one who has done wrong. You need to hire a locksmith and have all the locks changed, put internal safety locks on the windows and throw all his belongings out on the front porch for him to find when he comes home. Let him have the same gut wrenching feeling you have had to live with knowing. Hopefully you will be able to fall back on a family member to help you with the kids while you are working at the hospital.
Hugs,
T
lol, that is so true.
thanks
I'm so sorry.... things are so unfair; it doesn't make sense why bad things happen to good people, and how some people can be so selfish. i am going through something similar and I will be praying for you.
Thank you. I need all the prayers I can get. I have talked to a friend and my kids and I are going to move in with her. She just went through a divorce so we are going to help eachother.
Growing up Catholic I was taught that divorce is not allowed. I can't believe that God would want me to stay with this man who has betrayed me and his kids. This has been going through my mind alot.
Oh Carrie I am so sorry for what this must be doing to you. I know it is hard but you must stay strong for your kids. If they are anything like my kids they will be hurt because you are hurt. And all they will want it to make you better. I am going through a bit of a rough patch myself and am not sure if I will get through it or not! But I do however agree with Allluvnoh8, I would do exactly what she said! But we are not in the situation and as much as I hate to say it and as much as you probably hate to hear it you are going to have to figure out what to do and with the help from God you will overcome this horrible betrayal. I am so sorry girl! Please just give it to God and let him take care of it for you. When something like this happens and it is to much for you to do alone you just have to give it to God and know that he is in control and he brought you to it and he will bring you through it. Hold strong, be brave and if you need anything you got it.
I will pray for you and hope that what ever the out come is you and the children are ok. I feel for you and have gone through it myself. You have to be strong for the children. We are here if you need us
Thank you for your support. I am being strong infront of the kids but as soon as I am by myself the tears start to flow. I have kept this in for so long. My blood pressure is now being affected. I just had a doctors appointment and it was so high that they would not let me leave. I broke down and told my doctor, I thought that he was going to cry for me too. The kids and I are going to move in with my twin sister after the holidays if everything goes as planned. They love her and her kids. It will be a positive environment for them. I pray all the time for Gods help, he is the reason I found out about everything. I had doubts and I prayed and the next day I found out the truth.
God is always listening. He will close one door only to open another one. I am sorry that during this time of year you have to displace yourself because of the actions of others. I know how children are everything to a mother. I wish you never had to go through this. People feel as if they can do as they like and the hurt they bring will not last or even be felt. I will hold you and those kids in my heart and pray that God helps to give you a place of comfort. I am here when you need.
Thank you so much. It is official now, he is gone. My heart hurts but I know that this is what needed to happen. Thank you for your prayers. My kids are confused but happy also. They told me not to cry because daddy can't hurt you anymore. They are my angels. I am upset that I wasted 12 years of my life with him, but I do not regret it because I got my kids out of it. I just can't believe that he could do this to me and his kids, he has no soul. And the other woman she knew the whole time that he was married with kids. I know that God put this obsticle in my life for a reason.
Carrie,
Keep staying strong. I know it is anything but easy. You sound like such an amazing, smart, woman. Yes, God has put this obsticle in your life for a reason. A reason that is unclear right now. HE knows what an awesome person you are and HE would not let HIS child be hurt anymore. HE has great things to come for you. Just have faith and believe that you will be so much better for this.
I am here for you if you need someone to talk to.
Take care of you and those beautiful children of yours. They are true gifts from God and are lucky to have a mother like you.
Hugs,
Lily
Stay strong for the children and believe in yourself no matter what. You will come out of this ok. We are here when you need.
Carrie - I am proud you made that step. You and the children do not need someone like that in your lives. Stay strong. Your life will turn around. Try to let the new year be a new beginning for you, a fresh start! Hugs!!