My heart pounds with anger

i have very little control over it anymore, my heart is getting out of control I am just so angry, I don't want to be like this, I feel like crying kicking screaming...I feel like part of my soul is dying.

I hurt so much. I was wandering through one my friends facebook pages and it was obvious he had left a comment regarding our situation, as it was commented on by another person...a person he likes...and i hate...so not a mutual friend...something about "unless you're talking about damaging each other". That was a comment I made to him saying the damage was already done.

I just hate him so much, I feel that anger all over myself, i hate hate hate him. He's a scummy worthless, piece of trash scumbag snake...and i regret ever dropping eyes on him.

I don't know if this made any sense to anybody, cos it's so full of he's in it...I just want the anger out and gone.

Love ye, hate him
Moongal x

Hey MG, I'm sorry you're hurting so much..I'm not sure of your situation but I assume its about a break up? Why not defriend him on fb? I know it seems hard but your leavig that door open to get hurt by staying friends..

Hey sweetie,
Ya I already defriended and blocked him. But I could see the other comment his friend had made on my friends page to him and it was easy to put 2+2 together.

He is the most awful, evil person anyone will ever encounter. He cares for no one but himself, he is scum of the earth.

I hate him, really really absolutely and truly hate him, the idea that I was ever with him makes my skin crawl.

I'm sorry Lilac, this is not exactly waking you up on a bright note.

Love to you
Moongal x

I agree with G, you gotta defriend his ***. Looking at him and being able to see action between him and other people is only going to get under your skin. I for one know that I need to step away from facebook or at least a particular someone's facebook when I am no longer as close as I was with them. It's not good to still involve yourself in what they are doing and saying. It's only going to upset you more. Don't torture yourself. Just breathe and know that whoever "he" is ... clearly "he" isn't worth your time. You're much better than that. Now all you have to do is believe it.

love&light
Dani

Hey Dani,
Oh I kicked him off ages ago and blocked him. But it was just a comment his friend made, quoting words I had said to him, and I knew it had to come from him.

I shouldn't be angry, I should just be glad I've moved on and the fact that I rejected him (after a long period of suffering), he couldn't handle it so he just had to ***** ***** ***** til the cows came home.

I'm just so angry that I picked such a weasel, and believe me that's what he is.

Love to you
Moongal x

We've all been there believe me. There's times when I reflect and I'm like, "What the hell was going through my mind?" Somehow we get blinded and choose not to see the things that suck. I look back now and realize so many things that I would never stand for today.

I'm glad you got rid of him though and as far as his friend goes, it's pretty pathetic that he still finds the need to quote you. It's pathetic that they are still hanging on it and find a need to bring up past issues.

You're strong,
Dani

Thanks Dani,
Ya I was pretty enraged when I read it, but after thinking about it for a while, i just thought i came clean with him, in exactly how much he hurt me, and that's how he treats it, he makes fun of it, with his sad little friend...I'd like to think that somewhere inside he knows that's wrong, but what I am realising now is that I never knew him at all.

And he can stick that cheap sense of humour up his arse, cos I am the winner in this one.

Love you hun
Moongal x

You go girl! That's the spirit. He's obviously hurting if he still feels the need to joke about it. I'm sure he knows what's wrong, it's his sense of humor that he's using to soothe his conscience.

Love ya!
Dani

Hey Dani,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I used to be optimistic and think oh I must have made some impact...however it has come to a point where I can't allow myself to even question that anymore...it just got too hard.

Hope you are having a good day. I'm completely snowed in here:(

Love to you
Moongal x

SNOWED IN!? It's been a gloomy, rainy day over here.

Dani

Ya, I'm from Ireland and it's snowing everywhere...so although for some it's great mainly kids who could do with a few days off.

We can't go anywhere cos the roads are too bad:(

Moongal:

Moongal, I'm so sorry you are hurting:( The best thing that you did which I agree with Everyone -is to de-friend him. Anyone who takes your words and twists it , or shares your personal feelings with others when its only to be between you and that person is wrong.I don't know the whole situation but from what I see it was very unkind of him and total betrayal of trust! I was wondering, have you hid the other people's comments? I think if you click on the comment , it will give you that option. Take care and I hope things get better for you, you are in my thoughts!

Hey bluerose,
Yes, I have blocked him, and also have had to hide many of our mutual friends from my newsfeed in case he would pop up in conversation with them and I barely call our mutual friends in case his name pops up I just don't want to know one single thing about him.

Sometimes I just feel so angry, I feel like he's taken my right to privacy away...I could easily easily do that to him. He even shared personal things about to our mutual friends, I was so mortified when i found out. On top of that when I refused to see him when he returned he put a pic of him in bed with someone else in bed on facebook...it made me sick to my stomach. But I have to move on from that, if he thinks that's how a man acts then he is a boy lost in a man's world.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement
Love to you
Moongal x

Oh my , Yes sweety , if he did that then he isn't worth the time. That is sooo wrong of him! Love to you also

MOONGAL--GIRL I KNOW THE FEELING! MY DAUGHTERS DAD LEFT ME RITE AFTER WE HAD OUR DAUGHTER..I HAD A FEELIN THAT HES BEEN SEEIN SOMEONE FOR SOME TIME NOW! I ENDED UP FINDING OUT IT WAS AN EX OF HIS THAT HE DATED FOR 10 YEARS! HE ALWAYZ SAID HE DIDNT LOVE HER NO MORE AND THAT HE MOVED ON AND WANTED TO BE WITH ME SO I TRUSTED HIM AND LETTED IT AFTER THAT...DEEP DOWN I KNEW HE STILL LOVED HER..MAMA DIDNT RAISE NO FOOL! LOVE DOESNT JUST GO AWAY LIKE THAT! IT TAKES TIME! TIME TO HEAL FROM THE HURT! I WAS SO ANGRY WHEN HE LEFT ME! HE POSTED UP PICS OF HIS GIRL AND HIM PLUS THEY ADDED A PIC WITH MY DAUGHTER AS WELL! BOY WAS I EVER FURIOUS! THAT REALLY DID IT! I WAS CURSIN THAT MAN TO HELL! IF I KNEW VODOOO I PROLLY WOULD HAVE DONE IT ON HIS ***! I GAVE MY LOVE TO HIM! MY HEART! EVERYTHIG I HAD AND FOR HIM TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT! HELL NO! HE COULD HAVE BEEN HONEST WITH ME..THATS ALL I ASK IN A RELATIONSHIP! BE 100% ABOUT EVERYTHING! I WONT GET MAD! I RATHER HEAR THE TRUTH THEN HAVE YOU HIDE IT! WHAT REALLY MADE ME MAD IS HE WENT AND TOOK ME TO COURT FOR FULL CUSTODY OF MY DAUGHTER! HIM AND HIS WIFE! SHE HAS NO KIDS OF HER OWN SO I THINK THEY THOUGHT THERE WHERE GONA HAVE THERE PERFECT LIL FAMILY IF THEY GOT MY DAUGHTER! I WAS EVEN MORE ANGRY! I DIDNT WANNA HEAR HIS NAME OR KNOW A DAM THING ABOUT HIM! HE WAS TRULY MY WORSE NITEMARE! TRYING TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER FROM ME WAS THE WORSE THING HE COULD DO TO ME! I CAN SEE IF I WAS A BAD MOTHER BUT I WASNT! I WAS GREAT TO MY KIDS! I DONT EVEN LOOK AT THERE MYSPACE OR FACEBOOK PAGES...CAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT WOULD DO TO ME! I CAN ONLY EMAGINE ALL THE **** THEY WRITE ABOUT ME AND THE PICS THEY HAVE UP WITH MY DAUGHTER! I WOULD PROLLY WANNA DO SOMETHING HORRIABLE IF I SEEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT! ITS BEEN AWHILE NOW THO AND I HAVE MOVED ON..ITS SAD THOUGH WHEN TWO PARENTS CANT GET ALONG FOR THERE CHILDS SAKE! WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE TO DELIEVER EACHOTHERS MESSAGES! THATS SAD! IT SHOULDNT B LIKE THAT BUT I JUST HAVE SO MUCH HATE TOWARDS HIM! YOU KNOW WHAT THOUGH..SERIOUSLY HES NOT EVEN WORTH IT! THAT ONLY SHOWS HOW MUCH RESPECT HE HAS FOR YOU! AND NOT ONLY THAT HES STILL THINKIN OF YOU! AND HE STILL CARES! THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT..CAUSE IF WOULD B PUTIN ANOTHER MANS PIC UP FOR MY EX TO SEE THEN THATS CAUSE I CARE ABOUT HIM STILL! I WANT HIM TO GET JEALOUS AND COME RUNNING BACK TO ME BUT UNFORTUNATELY THAT DIDNT WORK FOR ME LOL.... BESIDES I WOULDNT WANT HIM ANYWAYZ..CAUSE HE WOULD JUST END UP DOING IT ALL OVER AGAIN TO ME! STAY STRONG! AINT NO MAN WORTH IT! YOUR BETTER THEN THAT AND YOU KNOW IT! LOVE DOES TAKE TIME TO HEAL! BUT AS THE DAYS GO BY IT ONLY GETS BETTER AND YOU BECOME MORE STRONGER! WHAT DOESNT KILL YOU ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER! SO KEEP YA HEAD UP & STAY STRONG! IT WILL GET BETTER! THAT I PROMISE! P.S DONT SHOW THAT YOU CARE ABOUT HIM..ACT LIKE NOTHING...DONT EVER LET A EX KNOW THAT YOUR SO STUCK ON THEM! NOPE NOPE! WRONG THING TO DO! JUST ACT LIKE U DONT CARE.. HE MITE JUST COME AROUND TO HIS SENSE! IF ITS MEANT TO BE IT WILL HAPPEN! GOOD LUCK!

Hey hun,
My God i am so sorry about your story, that must have been heart wrenching for you. But there is one bright and beautiful flame that came from it and that is your child. And just remember that you love that child so much.

Sweetie you've been through so much, are you going to therapy for help? I would recommend you talk to someone, it seems like you have a lot of unresolved emotional business with this guy, who did a completely unfair thing to you, and I think talking to someone could really help you and take a lot of that away. It seems like you are in a lot of pain...and it would be hard enough to have that happen but now having to see him and be ammicable for the sake of the child...must be difficult, so I think therapy could really help.

I am in therapy for my depression, and he added an awful lot to it, i have to admit...but it is really really helping so so much.

I can't imagine what being to court over your kids must have felt like. You just be strong hun...and be kind and gentle to yourself, you never deserved this.

Love to you hun...keep talking
Moongal x

HEY HUN, THANKS ALOT FOR YOUR KIND WORDS..IM DEFFINITELY GONA HANG IN THERE..YOU DO THE SAME..MUCH LOVE :)

I think you are so mad because you do love him. I think what ever he did hurt you so bad that you feel that it is easier to say you hate him. feelings cloud our judgement to the fact that if we talk things out and tell how we feel; there is no reason to hate any more. I wish everyone could see that if we work on our feelings first; we can knock the socks off of the ones who hurt us. Just with forgiving and kindness. You are worth too much to let anger control you that way. It will consume you if you let it. You can get more satisfaction by making them feel guilty for what they have done, but do it with love. Funny huh??

Hey Heavenbound,
Thanks for your response. I realise I wrote the post quite a while ago, and yes I if you do break it down it down what I felt was hurt, humiliated and betrayed cos basically I loved him and he took that love and threw it back at me. Now I only think of him when I'm feeling really down, so there must be some kind of vulnerability thing going on there I think but I know not to do anything stupid it would be an exercise in futility anyway. And I'm happily dating again, and have let go of any idea that maybe we'll meet up and some how he'll say the "right thing"...although i think it would take a lot for me to treat him with any sort of kindness, but i don't really need to cos we're far away from each other anyway.

I think I'm making a good job of figuring out my feelings and how I'm feeling, it's just coping with some of them I don't do a good job of...anyway hopefully soon I'm going to see a therapist again, I've let go of much of him, but I've quite a few other issues to sort out, I'm very susceptible to bouts of depression and also suffer from BED.

I hope you are doing well.
Moongal x