My hocds been so bad, I haven't ate for the last 4 days, my

My hocds been so bad, I haven't ate for the last 4 days, my head is all over the place, I can't deal with this anymore:,(. I have been trying to accept that I might be bi, but I just can't I really can't it makes me so sad. I feel like I'm repressing everything. I feel like I'm not straight anymore, even though I have never in my life been attracted to the same sex. I'm so sad I can't deal with hocd anymore. Only if I knew 100% that what I'm dealing with is hocd, I'd be fine id get help. But not knowing if I'm actually suffering with hocd, makes me not wanna seek help. I really don't wanna find out I'm bi later on, if I wasn't bi, I wouldn't be obsessing about it so much would I ? What freak me out is that some bi people are only attracted to the same sex sexually, I fear that the most because most of my intrusive thought are sexual never emotional. That much mean I'm sexually attracted. Why don't I feel straight deep down? Why don't I get around my fiancé anymore the thought of having sex in general makes me feel anxious. I have no motivation to continue living, if I'm not straight what is the point ?? I. Would absolutely hate being attracted to females in anyway, the very thought of it makes me depressed and gives me so much pain, sometimes I can't even breath. I can't remember why I loved men in the first place, I used to be the straightest person ever, then I became addicted to porn because of my previous obsessions, and started watching disgusting things, i feel so much guilt so much pain. I can't enjoy life anymore I want to love men, I always look into my past and remember when I was only attracted to men and how beautiful my life was, and just cry. Please can someone help me I'm in so much pain, I don't wanna seek help from a professional because I don't want to find out I might be bi after all

2 Hearts

Ok first don't give up you can get through this you need to try to do something to keep your mind busy with something else other than the hocd thoughts. We are all here for you honey. How are you doing today???

@Jennipain thank you so much !! That’ means a lot bless u, I tried keeping my mind off it but it’s so hard the thoughts are always at the back of my head, but I’m doing kind of okay today, thank you so much for asking

I'm going through a rough time too. My thoughts hit me hardest at work (I'm a doorman and have too much time on my hands) and I've started to avoid a lot recently. I'm gonna call a therapist tomorrow because I gotta try something. My attraction to the ladies is so low. You're not alone. We're all going through this hell....

1 Heart

@jbm421 I’m glad to know that I am not alone in this, if you ever want to talk pm me