My husband is addicted to a chat room

I am currently in a detention center and I will be going home in a few weeks. I have been married for 21 years...but in the last few months...I have found that my husband is chatting in a chat room with a girl half way around the world...and he tells me that it's only a friend. But I have read an email that says otherwise and when I asked him, he told me that it's not what I think. That this is only a "release/fantasy" for him right now...but I am worried. I know that this girl has feelings for him. We have talked about when I return home that it will be a new start for us. But I just don't know if I will ever be able to trust that he is not doing this anymore.
It has gotten to the point that he has taken it outside of the chat room, doing the email thing and even talking on the phone. But he tells me he will stop before I come home...I want him to stop now...but have no control in making him.
He says that we have both changed and that we love each other but we are not in love with each other. We have a chance to reconnect and fall back in love again. We have made plans to do this. But I would like to know if anyone has gone thru this before. Need any advice.

Follow your gut instincts & let him be responsible for HIS actions/behavior, think it through.

Take care of you.


I am trying to follow my gut instincts..but I am struggling...and I am trying to believe that we CAN work this out...because we have been together for so long..but the being away from him and my kids and not really knowing exactly how much he is doing this has really been taking a toll on me. I am trying to let it go...and just move on when I get home and see how things go. But it's so hard. I do love him and I really don't want to not have him in my life...that's crazy right. Will I ever be able to forget this and move on??

Yes to your question & you have already answered yourself, for what we fear, we create. Focus on yourself & your kids & think it through to your next move for the sake of yourself & family.... now I have to ask a question.....Is this really the type of person you want in your life & around your kids??????

Choose wisely my friend, it will last a life time for all around you & the situation. Talk when you feel like it.


I have asked myself if I want him around…because of what he has done. But this is not the man that I knew before I came to the dc. But I know that he has been lonely…and I know that this is wrong that he turned to this kind of stuff. But I really want to believe that we can be a family again…that we can be husband and wife again. We have a chance in a few weeks to reconnect and have a chance at falling in love again. Am I just crazy for thinking like this? I am so confused…and so ready to just see if we can work it out.

Addicted to chat rooms and cheating on your spouse are two different things.
I have been alone and talking to many people but never intimate things such as sharing where exactly I live and phone numbers etc. I think chat rooms are great for therapy. Better than calling a suicide hotline b/c you are in a "bar" without all the alcohol, the possibility of rape or theft etc. You get to talk to a lot of people and receive different advice. (Even if it isn't helpful advice.)

Emailing and sharing phone numbers are serious red flags though. I would consider this cheating.