My husband is a drug addict and right now he in recovery he has been gone for 15 months with no contact with me at all and doing very good he has a job and he has got his GED but I don't have no one to talk to about him, he come in April and I feel like I am in the same place I am angry and disappointed in him and when he comes home I don't want to be like when he left to fix himself up and here at home I can't tell no one how I feel because they don't want to hear it and I understand that he has messed up his relationship with everyone in his family and right now I am the only one that has faith that he will do better when he gets home and I need to talk to someone and get positive options and positive solution.
ineedhelp
oh hon what a burden u must be carrying, its hard to be tolerant when u have no where to let of steam and its tireing having to defend him when others are also mad and cant be bothered to listen to the change but dont forget they might have been here before and emotionally cant gear up for false promises.
why are u angry and dissapointed in him? what would u say if u could have five minutes to get it all off your chest? why not tell us hear then we can help u in a positive way
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
I am so mad and disappointed in him because he is a good man and he has a good head on his shoulder that he uses it all fort the wrong things. when I met him he was 17 and I feel so in love with him the first day I saw him and I didn’t know what he did I never saw it we were friend before anything else but when got together and his mom asked can you change my son? I looked at her and ask why would I want to change him I thought he was perfect the way he was so I never asked him what she meant by that. But when we did get together it was perfect for three months then he started to disappear sometimes all night and I thought O god he is messing around and his mother would always tell me no he is not doing that he is doing something else but she still would not tell me nothing.
If I had 5 minute but I know I would need more I would tell him how hurt I am of the things he had done to me and lies he had told me I want to know why would he do something like that, I know drug addicts lie and do things to hurt people but he has never done anything like this to me until after 10 year that we were together why now???
I am so mad at him because I got Bel palsy I didn’t know what that was until I looked it up on the internet and you get when you are stressed out I woke up one morning with my left side dead I could not move it and he knows nothing about what happen to my face I lost the women that I could talk to and that was his mother she passed away in 2006 so I keep in everything I cry in the shower I put on a fake smile.
Am glad your here talking it through w/us & yes people will dissapoint at one time or another in our lives. Would be wise to focus on what he is trying to accomplish & staying clean for the good of all surrounding the situation & yes your feelings are warrantied compiled w/the loss of your loving/devoted mother, my heart goes out to you.
Its a difficult process all the emotions it stirs up so please try & take care of you & not focus on the WHAT IFS & keep talking w/us here & trying to find some reasoning & much needed relief, it will come eventually. Are you seeing anyone for Bel palsy (I'd never heard of that til now)?
Take care of you.
April
well that is why I am here, I think of the what if’s when someone tells me he is just going to do it again he is not going to change or you will never leave him and he knows it that is what makes me think I love this man otherwise I would have never married him. This is so hard because I just want to sit here a cry so if I stop writing it is because of that I got Bell’s Palsy 2 month after he left maybe because everything caught up with me I don’t know. I have only been with 3 men in my tire life and they all disappointed me maybe I am mad in how my life turned out and I know i did that because of the wrong choses I have made I don’t want people to feel sorry for me I just need someone to talk to figure out what to do or to get to a place where I am at peace that is why I am here since I don’t have no one here to talk to.
Bell’s palsy or idiopathic facial paralysisis a dysfunction of cranial nerve VII (the facial nerve) that results in inability to control facial muscles Bell's palsy - Wikipedia this web site will explain what it is.
People have to want to change themselves from within, none of us can change others to our way of thinking, alot of us wouldnt be here if that was the case. It takes a long time to walk through the wreckage of the past (and there ARE REASONS WHY) to be capable to learn from it so as not to continue to repeat it in the future. One surrounds themselves w/certain types of people usually due to the way one is raised, genetic links if applicable, traumatic experiences, again its a long emotional process to figure through.
Thanks for the link will take a look as there are so many things coming out that has a new name I've never heard of.
Keep sharing/venting when you feel like it.
All my strengths.
April
At first I thought I can change him but I found out along the way I can not change him and I use to feel sorry for him and now I don’t, there are two sides of him that I saw and I think that is the reason why I can walk away because I know he could do good he is a hard worker and he is very smart person and I have told him this but he grew up around drugs all his life his dad was a Heroin addict he has passed away too his step dad sold drugs out of the house his whole family sells or does drugs but I know he could do a lot better if he just keeps his self away from the people. like I said there are two sides, 1 side is the ugly side where he don’t care about nothing or anyone, he is mean and ugly he will say thing to hurt you and won’t care if he did. The second side if a very loving man I love he say thing nobody has ever said to me he brought up my self steam it was very low before I mean him, he even taught I could do anything I wanted to do If I wanted it. He has no one but me but then someone will say that’s his fault, yes it is his fault he ruined every relationship he had with his family that is why they want nothing to do with him, I don’t blame them I am staying with him because I think I can change him because I know I can’t I stay with him because I love him and I know how really can be but then maybe I am staying because I want to see that change I want to see the man he can become because I know in my heart he is in there.
ineedhelp
i hope u feel a bit better now that u are gettin feed back to your problems,
like April i dont know about bels so will need to look it up, and she has some sound advice for u.
i dont think what others are saying has any relevance at this time in your life because u have other prioritys namely u and sorting yourself out and gettin yourself on an even keel, not sure if u do treatment/exercise for the bels so will return to that one when i have educated me on it
till your next post
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
I have held in so much for 2 years and I am happy I have found this site April is helping or anyone that want to give me advice it is nice to hear positive instead of negative and as for the Bells Palsy no I am not getting treatment can not afford it but I bought a massager and I do that on my face couple times a day.
ineedhelp
the massager sounds like a good idea its sort of like physio i should think and yes its all about positive here.
changes have been know to happen hon but just now u need to sort yourself out and do good for u, keeping an open mind is positive and natural but when u feel good about u then others wont have a reason to offer their ideas or feeling in any way but a positive one
keep chattin hon
loving thoughts and posiitve vibes
D :)
I remember we use to laugh and I have never laughed so much in my life and I didn't ever want to stop but it did and I never laughed like that again. He has a daughter she is a good person and mother and I think she just stopped caring what he said or promised her she is so much like him in so many way but she don't do drugs which is good anyways she didn't like me in the beginning she hated me and I don't know why but I think because she knew her dad had this problem and didn't pay attention to her and he would get girl friends and pay more attention to the girlfriend than her it is sad because he was never there when she was little and now he wants to be there now and she don't care if he is or now, she has a little boy whom I love very much and he calls me grandma but what is sad he don't know his grandpa but I do show him a picture all the time so he know what he looks like it is sad and I have told my husband do what he didn't do with his daughter do with his grandson but I guess he didn't get it.
He has always asked me for help but I don't know how to help him I could be there for him I have never done drugs in my life, I remember he told me one day "you are in my way.' so I got out of his way I left for 3 years and I missed his so much I came to see how he was and I found out he was in prison he had been in there for 2 1/2 years already and getting out in 6 months and his mom told I went to visit him he started to write me and that is how we got back together and when he came home I was waiting for him and I thought okay he probably changed because going to prison I thought changes you but no prison dose not change you for the good it got worst it was perfect up till his mom passed away that is when it all came tumbling down.
ineedhelp
hon it could be that he needs to get help and that can only happen when he is ready to seek it for himself, we can want things for people but we cant make them do it unlesss they want to help themselves, at least u have a bond with the daughter and grandson so mayb u should work on that,
NOTHING can change a person unless they want to change, prison isnt a deterent to behave differently for some people its just an extention of hiding their problems elsewhere for a while.
but i hope u are feeling better and working on taking care of u
as always
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
He is getting help as of right now he is in Delancey Street in San Francisco he has been there for 15 months now I have not seen or talk to him. I told him this is your last chance to do something to fix his self up or I leave and he went to this place it is a 2 year stay he can not come home if he wants to or he will go straight to jail now since he has been there he has got his GED and has a job and fixing himself up, what I am saying is that when he gets home I am going to be in the same place and I am scared because I can not have any contact with him at all but I do call and ask how he is doing and they tell me he has changed a lot from when he got there 15 months ago which I am very proud of him, when I say I am scared is because I am going to sit there and wonder why he took so long at the store or if he goes out side I am going to be scared that he will leave and not come back for 3 days and I have to get to know him all over again. Me I am like the way I was when he left I am mad at him and disappointed in him for doing the things he did to me and I am always going to wonder why and I already know what he is going to say is it was the drugs see I don’t want to hear that I want to hear something else like I am not going to that any more or leave you anymore or he wants to do something better in his life and he will stay away from the negative people and keep them in the past.
What D is talking you through is very correct in that you have just begun to start processing all the ramifications of the situation & started to reach out & talk it through while you continue to learn for yourself what decisions you will make in time to come, please go easy on yourself as you wade through your VERY justified emotions for your future. You may at a point in time figure out that you need some PEACE in your life & not all question marks along the way that you've described. In regards to him, I'd advize to keep venting things out here otherwise he may not be capable of withstanding all the above mentioned emotions let alone know what to do to fix everything that has come out of this unfortunate chain of events.
Take care of you.
April
ineedhelp
i understand that u are waitin in limbo almost but this is the time for u to forge friendships and posiitive actions that will help u adjust to this man when he returns, u need to be happy in yourself so that if he has changed then thats good but if he goes back to his old ways u are strong enough to get on with your life.
keep posting hon April has some great words to help out
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
I guess I hold on to him hoping that he will do what is right and don’t go back to what he was doing when he comes home. I think when I felt at peace is when I was a little girl I had no worries, I didn’t feel no hurt or sadness and I want to feel like that again I want to grow up with this man I remember when I was with him in the beginning I saw us old. My mom told me when you fall in love you will no it and when I met this man I knew it but I guess some people fall in love with the wrong guys but I don’t see my life with out this guy but if it has to be it will have to be but I don’t think I could do this again with anyone else I mean get to know another man what he likes or how he is or getting use to him I don’t want to do that again maybe that is why I try to make it work because this is the man I am suppose to grow old with.
hon
i can relate to that the hassel of dating again and doing the rest of it
but
u might not have a choice so keep all options open and build strong relationships, hobbies so that if he goes awol u can still function and have a great life, if hes fine then all u have done but gettin other interests is enrich your lives with new fun things to do
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Yes just take it day by day when he comes home & sees how much he missed while he was away & the two of you can lean on eachother & see this relationship grow further. Is wise to talk your feelings out here so as not to overwhelm the two of you so both can heal.
Take care of you.
April