I have been struggling since the 4th of November. My 3rd anniversary was on November the 3rd. On the 4th, my husband decided to declare his decision for a divorce. Granted our marriage has been struggling off and on, but it wasn't terrible. He is a wonderful man. I have no real marital complaints. There are always things that could be better but there was nothing so earth shattering for me to think that he would tell me he was done with me and wants a divorce. That is his basic response, "I'm done." For me, I'm not done. I still love my husband and I am not looking forward to a divorce. We have been trying to talk, but I do a lot of the talking. I am afraid that I am way more vested at this point. I took my vows to heart, good bad or otherwise. I have faith we can work on things if he decides to work on them, its just a struggle getting there. I am afraid at this point that if he rejects me, I won't be able to come back from it. I am really saddened and angered that he didn't come and talk to me about what was going on so we could address it. How do people actually know when it is over? Everyone tells me that I need to decide for me and I don't know.
Welcome to the group and I sorry to hear about what you are going through. It sucks that it takes two people to start a relationship but only on to end it. My ex of 12 years just up and told me to make arrangements to move out. There were no problems in our relationship and we had just had a nice night in the day before with "I love yous" and dinner together.No talk about what was wrong or a warning that something needed to change,nothing! He just decided that maybe the grass was greener on the other side. It has been rough and I have not only joined this group but I go to one on one counseling, and take anti depressants. But, I have come to realize that if he loved me, truly, he would never have hurt me so bad.The way he approached you about wanting out of the marriage was wrong. You need to love yourself and that means take care of you. Stay with the group. It really helps.
All my strength and best wishes,
Annie
Dear friend, this situation is very difficult and painful.Everyone has a right to a decision, positive or negative, but what upsets me that nowadays people are so selfish that they do not want to reflect on the consequences. We all have feelings, therefore we should be respected. Real person, man or a woman, should be honest and open about his or hers decision. Only a coward can answer "I'm done". Ask God for guidance and He will help you through this journey. If you can, say a prayer everyday and you will know what to do and when to make a certain decision. Things happen with special destination in mind. I will have you in my prayers and when you have time, please listen to Joel Osteen. God bless you always.
Marcie,
You are so right - people are selfish and they don't think about the consequences - only themselves. We give so much to a relationship only to have our heart's crushed carelessly. As for the wrongdoer - they go on filling their own needs oblivious or even callous to the pain they have caused.
Blackestdark
Do pray - I haven't been very christianlike these past years - I thought I had everything I needed - when I lost the love of my life - the pain was so intense I thought I was going to die. I tried drinking it away, but realized the temporary fix was too devastating. I'm still using anti-depressants but what really helps is prayer. God brought this man into my life for a reason and now he is out of my life - for a reason. I have to believe God knows what's best for me. We had our time in the sun - now for whatever reason it's time to go our own ways. Pray that god heals your heart and leads you to your new path. It may be to heal your relationship or to move forward but give it to God. Also, keep posting the people on this site our loving and insightful and it really hopes right now to know that people understand and care. Hugs:)
Thank you phoenixrising. It is new and scary and I know it will take one day at a time, but it is so hard. He moved out yesterday and moved in with the woman he was sleeping with. I feel for her because she has no idea what she is getting into. She is married to someone else as well and has kids. I feel for her kids. I hope my selfish husband doesn't wreck havoc on their lives as well. The cheating is devastating, but the blatant disregard to my feelings and out right lies are just salt in a open wound. I am starting to hope that he really never did love me, because if this is what he thinks love is he is very lost and that is a sad way to live. I just need the panic attacks to stop so I can start moving forward with my life. I think I may need a doctor visit.
Still thank you again for the view point. Wish ya the best.
I'm so Sorry Blackestdark. I understand the panic attacks I still get them 3 weeks later. Please do consider seeing a doctor. It won't make the pain go away completely but it will help you get through the days ahead. Everyday is baby steps. I know him moving out is painful and you feel lost, the pain and emptiness just take over. I'm learning it's best not to spend my time thinking about him, what we lost, what he's doing, or who's he doing it with - it just causes too much pain. I've been learning to focus on me. What can I do to feel better (he's fine - no matter how wonderful he is/was - he's fine) - I am trying to refocus my thoughts on the positive. Yes, it's over but at least we shared our lives, I've learned so much from him and although it hurts now it's time to move on. Kinda like moving from highschool to college - we leave our part of our past behind. I have to believe that there is a reason for this pain and that I will grow stonger everyday every step. I'm afraid but I tell myself I am strong - maybe not right this minute but I know I have the strength to move forward. Whatever positive self-talk you can do - DO! It's hard right now because nothing feels positive, nothing feels right and the Holidays really suck but know you are not alone. Many of us are going through this right with you - we understand and are here to listen and share. We will get through this...Hugs:)
Blackestdark, I still struggle even after almost 3 months and marriage counseling, private theraphy and seeing a doctor. Listen to the professionals, they know how to how to help cope with pain. People on this site have gone through or are going the same similar situation. What I'm trying to say is we understand more than you may think. Some of of even walk in your shoes to a point. My prays go out to you seek as much help as you can get. It may not feel like help but it it is.