My last boyfriend who i miss so much

my boyfriend left me in april. we had a very bad relationship. i decided at one point that i was unhappy with him and i just closed up and became selfish in the relationship.

i see now that i was very unrealistic in what i expected for a boyfriend and i did not take him on his own terms.

he met someone else and ended it with me and at that moment, i decided that i loved him and that he was the cat's pajamas and i could not live without him. bizarre. the whole time i was with him i made no effort, expected more from him and put out very little.

i was also drinking a lot at the time, which he complained about, and i have a terrible bladder disease which was very disruptive to our life together. he was very unhappy with me in more than one respect.

now i might be getting fired and i have no one standing by me, except some good friends, but no man by my side to care for me and he is in love with another woman he took on vacation recently and he never calls me or sends me an email to ask me how i am or find out if i have been fired yet or if i am still sane. and you know what, i miss him and liked him as a person, even if at the time i did not think he was the greatest boyfriend in the world.

i wonder when i will get over this. it seems like NEVER. i can't meet anyone else, because i am too worried about my livlihood and am very much in survival mode right now, not dating mode. and every date i ever went on only makes me miss him more cuz he was a good guy, i just expected to much from him and didn't make any effort in the relationship at all.

he says i must learn from my mistakes and move on, cuz he is a nice person and still gives me some encouragement when i email him. i stopped emailing him however and am surprised he never, ever asks me how i am when i am in the midst of a crisis.

i am ashamed of how selfish i was with him and how little i put into our relationship and how much i expected from him when i made no effort at all.

he told me when he broke up with me that 'i thought the world revolved around me", but that was how i though a man was supposed to make his girlfriend feel and that if he did not do that then he was not a very good boyfriend. but that was my mentality and he resented it.

i suppose once i get fired, if i get fired, and i hope i do not, he will be the last thing on my mind. i feel like such a ridiculous failure all around right now.

Did you mean to post this in the Unemployment Group?

Hi Ejovan, it would be so great if you can re-post this in Relationship and Singles. I just want to make sure that you get the right support and all of the support that you need.

Hi Ejovan. I am in the same boat as you. I honestly wish there was a cure for this pain, but there isn't. We just have to be strong, and let them be happy even if it means without us.

Your writing indicates that you are still more absorbed in what he is not doing for you, even though you are no longer together. Get out of your self, go work in a soup kitchen, go out in the world and do anything that has nothing to do with a man. Change your routine. The more time you give to the pain, the longer it lasts. The more you feed your pain the larger it grows. Go on a diet, and give up the pain for awhile and you might be surprised down the road that it's not as big anymore even though you will always remember him, possibly more fondly and more objectively than you do now.