My life story very sad and depressing :0

its a very hard to live the life i have. Always acting fake everyday eveyone and smiles are almost always fake make a whole deeper and deeper into my heart well here my story im sorry if its to long i just need to tell the world my story without people actually knowing who the person writing the letter. If you read this thanks a tons it means the world :) here I go

I was born on 9/11/91. I have a sister and a brother and two parents. My father molested me everyday of my life until i was in middle school. Even though i always said NO DADDY STOP that made him go faster and longer. He always said if you tell anyone they will die watch, i never told until one day i couldnt take it anymore and i told my big brother and he was so pissed (at the time i told him he was in New York) he bought a plane ticket for the next day and i was happy that it was all going to end, the next day came and my brother was nowhere he was not picking up my phone calls, until my brother wife calls and says that he was shot and his lungs exploded and he died in as soon as the bullet went thru his body, till this day i hate myself he died aug 2001 so i started cutting and not eating and nobody noticed. After that happen i let my father do whatever he wanted to do to me because i felt so guilty that i told my brother and its my fault he died. The touching got worse everyday to a point in a blink of an eye his pants were on the ground and i was laying on my back. I couldnt deal with it anymore i started doing bad in school. My only passion my escape was dance my dad took me out of dance because he said my vagina wasnt good enough for him so no dance for me until i know how to have sex remember i was in 3rd grade. After my dances classes were taken away from me everything really went down hill i cut three times a day i didnt even touched a cracker, I would always have to put this fake smile on. Then suddenly bam my dad stopped touching me for about a month i was sooooooooo happy, until him and his friend was over and they were drinking and i was going to sleep but my dad friend didnt let me sleep he pretty much raped me and my dad watch with smiles he never moved never looked awy nothing. After that day i never saw his friend havent heard of him ever. I was done with life i was going to kill myself but the only thing that kept me going was my grandparent (they dont know) but i loved them with my life, and again my father blamed them for touching me and they moved to boston and i allowed them to leave. Finally i got my period in 6th grade i was the happiest girl ever for a 6th grader with her period because thats when my dad stopped touching me forever when i got my period. After what has happpened to i dont let no one in and im such this ***** no matter who you are. I found the love of my life my dream husband, i believed everything was amazing but i was wrong he cheated on me, hit me, and all he did was wanted to touch me everday (yes he knows about my dad) that made my heart even worse. we broke up for a while got back together broke up got back together, and thru all that he still the one i want he the one that makes me a stronger person, its because of him that im in this support group that im talking to people who been thru what i have or worse. i need to get rid of my bad habits i have see odd number (my dad molested by odd number) i cant hear or see the words (rape, molester etc) and there so much more and now i am 21 years old and im such a stronger person now i could hear those words see those numbers me and boyfriend are working on things i smile more often for no reason then always being serious my attitude has been getting better i feel more alive ive learned to forgive and forget my dad and that what people need to do is forgive and forget it wont be easy but if you try you will feel and noticed the difference in yourself thanks for reading this sorry for it being so long :)

You are so strong! We need more people in the world like you. I'm so happy you didn't kill your self, because you seem like an ammazing person! I'm so glad u wrote ur story, because you give m insperation. I wrote a post on here called I'm 17, all I want is to be happy. That's pretty much my life storry too. U make me believe there is hope in the future for me

From Substance Abuse to Mental & Physical Abuse