my mom and sister both asked me if im coming home for Christ

my mom and sister both asked me if im coming home for Christmas/New Years . my sister offered to buy my tickets with her points. I said no thank you because ill probably use that time off to work and sleep. A part of me misses them and another part remembers I told myself I wouldn't go back for a long time bc it was stressful last time. but I came back more emotionally connected to myself, I guess from just being around family who knows me and have that history. It sucks to have absolutely no one, and my mom texted me today that "the family is incomplete without me" since today is thsnksgiving. But they ignore me most of the time. My sister NEVER calls me. Never. Literally NEVER. She messages me memes on instagram, that's all. That's the depth of our connection and conversation. My mother has NPD so she asks me if im eaten and hopes my day is good, and when I ask about her day she says its fine. This is as deep as It gets with my "family". There is no curiosity about my life or classes. Nothing. But I still get told, thet the family is incomplete without me. WHAT DO THEY WANT. When I went last time, we watched tv and played video games. The rest of the time I experienced guilt trips, and being treated like I was furniture by my sister. So why should I go there and disrupt their lives, they were both SUPER close to each other, I was a stranger, obviously because no one even talks to me the whole year and in person I am the person they "walk in eggshells around" when Im just minding my own business. Why should I go there and be the "complete" part of the family, aka a third wheel, the scapegoat that makes them feel closer to each other? Why should I exist, and put myself through suicidal ideation just existing there? Their intentions are good, my mom will cook lots of food and try to make me happy, and I will eat it feeling awkward and my sister will be angry at how ungrateful I am, and think in her mind how spoiled and entitled I am, selfish. This is stuff she has told me about myself. So since then I have tried my best not to ask her for help for anything ever. I remember I looked at her so confused and she told me "DON'T give me that look". Like I don't think anyone has ever spoken to me like that in such a disgusted demeaning tone. I just looked down after that and didn't realize what my face was doing I guess. I just never want to go back. Sometimes it's better to love people from afar, where they can't hurt you and you apparently can't hurt them either. I just need to find a job that makes me more money so I never have to go back.

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I'm sorry, family is so complicated isn't it? My sister has been weird with me since last Thanksgiving (US) and I just don't get it. I tried to make things better mostly because I have a mother and her, as well as my own family and I just didn't want there to be tension. She hasn't spoken to me in months. It is so frustrating!

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@CKBlossom I think that it could help to reach out to her ans ask why she may be avoiding you, and just to tell her you miss her and hopefully it’s something you can try to fix. I know thats what I would like to hear from my sister, because Ive been avoiding her too now. In my case it’s because she said some pretty cruel things to me, and just is blind to my mother’s emotional abuse of me growing up. At some point, I got tired of faking Im ok. I still support her and am happy for her and her successes, Ill always cheer her on, but the hurt is pretty deep. She looks down on me in so many ways and I refuse to put myself in situations like that anymore, where someone “loves” me, but looks down on me and fails to have compassion for what I went through all alone.