My Mom wants me to pretend I'm strong. I started to cry in front of her and she turned away. She says she can't take anymore crying. She says I'm sad and my sister is sad. She said who is going to be there for her when she needs help. I told her I'm only human.
I've been looking for a job for almost 3 years now and I've been trying to be strong. There's not much left in me. Can't she understand that? Worse my birthday is coming up; just a reminder that I'm getting older and still not self-sufficient and independent.
Is okay just to pretend to be strong just to please her? Some days I just want to lay in my bed and meditate or even cry. Isn't that what humans go through?
1 Heart
*hugs* This is the human struggle, it is hard. Sorry to hear you're feeling it. In fact, a lot of adults are co-living with family nowadays and struggling to become steadily and adequately employed. It is a sign of the times, and it just so happens you're going through it too. You don't have to pretend to please anybody, but I hope you can look to others for comfort besides to your mom because she is not responding with the understanding you need. Go ahead, cry it out! And when you're done crying, chin up and plan yourself a little birthday pick me up--- celebrate your persiverence for another year <3
@homesickmachete Thank you for your words of kindness.
Mum has given me a lot of words of encouragement. It’s just that the recent mental illness of my sister is one of the biggest obstacles our family has ever had to face. More for Mum because I’m sure no parent expects to see their child mentally unbalanced after being normal for the most part of their adulthood.
My sister is going through marital problems and she came back home for a while to get better and to rest. But talking to my sister is almost like talking to a stranger. She seems ‘spaced out’ most likely because of her meds and because of what she’s going through in her marriage. It’s affecting me also along with my pre-existing problems.
As for celebrating my perseverance for another year, I hope NOT! I have FAITH that I will be employed a long time before then.
Sorry I misworded that, my intention was to celebrate that you have persevered up till now.
We all have needs. However, it does not change the needs of others whom we need. What you are going through is common. You have the right to feel and act the way you do. Your mother does as well. Only thing to rely on is that you all stay together. No matter how hard it gets. No matter how worse they make you feel. Hold on to each other. They are all you have at the end of the day.
1 Heart