Hello! My name is Christina, but I go by Cricket. (its just a nickname) I have been putting off joining a support group for a while now. I lost my mom, my best friend April 2, 2010...9 days before my 28th birthday. I started seeing a therapist a few before she passed away, cause I was not handling things well with her and also with work. but mainly my mom. Ill start off from teh very beginning. In 2008 my mom was diagnosed with Cirrohsis of the liver. Caused from drinking for a very long time. My mom battled alcoholism my whole life. 27 years is a very long time! Well she went into the hospital October 2008 and almost didn't make it out. She was in the hospital for a little over a month. miraclulosly she made it out. Her and my stepdad decided after christmas they would renew their wedding vows. They were going to wait till their 10 year, but decided to do it earlier. And we are all happy they did! In 2001 they snuck off to gatlinburg and got married. but this time we were all there! My older sister Kelley and her husband and son, my twin brother Ricky and his wife, me, my grandfather and his girlfriend. My stepdad Gary's 3 kids were not able to make it. but the whole thing was amazing. 2011 would be, well would have been their 10 year. they missed their 9 year by 2 months :( March 14, the day before my sister's birthday, mom went into the hospital again. she was worse off this time than the last time. they said it was her Cirrohsis again, but this time her liver was completely failed. So basically it was a matter of time. We tried to wait as long as we could to see if she got better, but on March 30th we had her put into Hospice. March 31st we had a priest come in and do the annointing of the sick. That was a weird and nice experience because when we said the Our Father prayer, mom said it with us. She was coherent the whole time and knew what was going on. She talked with all of us up until the day she died. Friday, April 2nd, Good Friday, she didn't talk with any of us. She slept the whole time snored alot! Or so that is what I thought it was. My stepdad had to bring me to reality and tell me that it was not her snoring, but it was her starting to struggle to breathe :( We were all there...me, my boyfriend, my sister, my twin brother, his wife, my grandfather and my stepdad. So she did not go alone. She really gave us a scare a few times before she really took her last breath. 8:50pm that night she passed away. i didn't think i was going to be able to leave here there! I wanted to help the Hospice nurses clean her up and get her ready for the funeral home people to get there. I wanted to continue the help that I did the whole time she was in the hospital. but my famiy told me that it would not be a good idea. My boyfriend had to almost drag me out of the room when everyone was ready to go. I just couldn't say goodbye! The next few days were doing the final decisions on the funeral arrangements. Everything was paid for we just had to pick out an outfit and what was going to be put on the prayer cards and also pick a spot to bury her. April 8th was the layout and April 9th was the burial. The layout was ok. There were so many people there so it kept all of us preoccupied. Now the day of te burial was a complete different story! I read a letter I had wrote up about her, which was a little hard to get through but I did! My dad and stepmom were there for us kids too. When our family friend did the euology, and he started talking about me and my mom I lost it! i ran out of the room and about knocked my dad over. I was so upset. my boyfriend walked in after me. he has been a godsend through all of this! At the end of the Eulogoy everyone did their final goodbyes. And then we followed the herse to the cemetery. that is where it got really bad. And it seems like it all just happened. It was a chilly but beautiful day. The service at the cemetery was short but sweet. All of us kids put a rose on her casket and then we also took one off for ourselves. And that is when I broke down. My legs collapsed next to her casket and was histerical. My boyfriend, bless his heart did not know what to do! He had never been through something like this before! So my brother and sister came over to help him pick me up. I was just screaming leave me alone I am staying with my mom, and I want my mommy!!! it was so bad! but once they got me to the car and back to my sisters house for the wake I was fine. no more crying. It was weird. I guess I just cried myself out. After the funeral I was seeing my therapist once a week. It has helped alot too! but now i am in somewhat a slump. I have been thinking about her alot lately. I mean not a day goes by that I dont' think about her, but it has been more and more lately. i still pick up the phone to call her and keep saying man i gotta tell mom what happened! but I can't do that anymore :( how do I get over this part? they say that it takes time for the feeling to go away...but a broken heart will take forever!! My mom is my best friend and I miss her so much! I feel lost! So how do I get on with all of this?
I know this was a long post, but i know it helps to talk about it more and more!! Any advice from anyone?
We have to give ourselves a lot of time and look for the good, bright, beautiful things in life and stay involved with the best in life. I miss my fishing buddy, and that's not nearly same as you and your great loss of your mom. I can still cry every now and then. Someday we'll see each other when I cross the river too. I'll shout out "Hey, Bill!" and it'll be real good to see him. The Bible says our tears are collected - God knows our pains. I am helped by that too.
I think I'll get about something in the yard right now. What might you do now that is involved with something that is the best in life? I believe your mom would like that, you know?
Christina, your a wonderful daughter, lost my mom in '81 & think of her daily, all the wonderful hugs, talks, songs, smells of bread that she made. You will one day feel easier about all the things only she could make you feel for they are inside of you & she'll be w/you always & the memories will soothe you. All my strengths.
I wished I could say more than I am sorry for your loss and part of me wished that it will take the pain away. But I know Cricket than for now, nothing will take that pain away from you. You own that pain. As much as you wished that you are not in that place. And when you wake up in the morning that feeling would be all gone and you have your mum there with you and everything would be a nightmare. The reality sucks. She is not coming back.
April is right. you are an amazing daughter. You were there for her right till the end and that moments with her, thats priceless. No one in this world can take that away from you. That was your moment with her. You have given her your all. Stayed with her despite your helplessness and thats a place where a lot of people cant be at. I have faith that if you can do that, you would be able to get through this.
Baby steps sweetheart. I am sure all of us in here are with you every step of the way. There will be good days and bad days. Appreciate the good days and acknowledge the pain on the bad days. Missing her means you love her and that I am sure will never go away. The difference between now and later is that you learn to cope with it. She was and will always be apart of your life. she lives on in the stories you tell your kids someday and even to us. She lives in the lessons she taught you as you were growing up. You are going to pass this on...
I wish you and your family all the love in this difficult time. Remember we are right here. You are not alone in this.
Cricket,
This is one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read. I had to give my mam an extra special hug this morning to remind her of how much she means to me. I can totally relate to your mam being your best friend.
You are a smart and wonderful child and she would be so proud to have you as a daughter. Embrace and hold on to all those memories sad and happy because those are the precious. She was with you loving you when you took your first breath in the world and you were by her side loving her when she took her last and that is a wonderful thing.
So for now, think of her and talk about her and when you have kids you can tell them of the wonderful grandma they have in heaven. I feel like i know much about my grandma from my mam, and i know she carries her deep in her heart. So I'll leave you with this poem by Patrick Kavanagh...an Irish poet, I think it best expresses how he should remember the ones we love.
Love to you
Moongal x
In Memory Of My Mother
I do not think of you lying in the wet clay
Of a Monaghan graveyard; I see
You walking down a lane among the poplars
On your way to the station, or happily
Going to second Mass on a summer Sunday -
You meet me and you say:
'Don't forget to see about the cattle - '
Among your earthiest words the angels stray.
And I think of you walking along a headland
Of green oats in June,
So full of repose, so rich with life -
And I see us meeting at the end of a town
On a fair day by accident, after
The bargains are all made and we can walk
Together through the shops and stalls and markets
Free in the oriental streets of thought.
O you are not lying in the wet clay,
For it is a harvest evening now and we
Are piling up the ricks against the moonlight
And you smile up at us - eternally.
Thanks BIP,
I love this poem too, it always leave me feeling a little sad. But it is so beautifully written and captures perfectly how the poet chooses to remember his mother. In her daily duties, as all should be remembered for; their little ways, their sayings, the way they touch that part of your heart that no one else can.
I'm sorry for everyone's pain in grief. Grief has stages and in order to grieve we have to go through the stages. I have been through my mothers death, she was 71, but my brothers death, he died of a heart attact at 48, that was even harder than my mom. That is really when I noticed the stages of grief. Right now I know it isn't as bad but our dog of 10 years died this weekend. It is very hard especially of my 18 yr. whom we bought her for. She got sick fast and died fast. We had her home with us and she died at 1:30 Sat. morn. We will surely miss her she was the best dog. Just got to cry when we have to and celebrate the wonderful fun times we had with her....Peace
Hi Cricket, I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom. My heart goes out to you. My mom is still living and we are close. I can only imagine how it will be for me. But I did lose my dad when I was 8. I remember when they shut the lid on his coffin during the service, I got up and starting running, wanting to get out of there. Someone caught me and brought me back to sit with my grandparents. Though I was young, it was all so very hard for me. That was 40 years ago. With time, I did get better. I saw a few counselors concerning my father's death. I know it hurts alot now and you miss her but with time you will get better. Everyone grieves differently and in their own time. Take life a day at a time. Please continue to share with us about your mom. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))
hi cricket, i am truly sorry of your lose of your mom. my mom just recently passed away today 8-22-2010. she had a massive stroke and we were very very close. all i can say to you cricket is that remember the memories that you both shared with each other. it will help you get through things like this. keep your chin up and remember her smile,her talks and above all remember she's in heaven looking down at you. sincerely, cookie65165.