My 'name' is Jayne (she/her), I am new here, and my therapis

My 'name' is Jayne (she/her), I am new here, and my therapist and I are almost certain I have OCD. We're also sure I have had it most of my life. I am 22 years old, and while I've had great support from my family and some professional help over the years, I feel like absolutely nothing I do helps with my OCD when it does bug me. I have episodes of uncontrollable obsessive thinking that cause me a lot of emotional distress, as well as some physical distress. I feel like no matter how hard I try in the moment, nothing helps me at all. I am so tired, so unbelievably exhausted from feeling this way, and I'm tired of never having remission. I feel a lot of self pity in times of mental distress, constantly questioning why I am the way that I am, and why I can't just NOT be this way. Today I contacted a psychiatrist's office for the 3rd time since last November in the hopes of getting a formal diagnosis so I know how to move on and live in peace in the future. Right now I am trying to get over losing a close online friend, which is what triggered this "OCD episode" I am experiencing right now. I don't want to eat, I don't want to do anything, I just want to cry and overthink because it is all I can think to do in order to get "it" out of my system. I don't normally feel compulsions, as I am believed to have "pure O", which leaves me at a loss for relief, because I do not think there is anything that can make me feel better apart from actually FEELING BETTER. I was trying to find a support group for OCD folks, and when I came across this one, one of the first things I noticed is that someone said having OCD is like being a zombie. I immediately began to cry and went to sign up right away, because I have made this exact same comparison before when trying to describe how I feel to people. It feels like my mind has gone rotten, like the walls of my mind narrow so that there's only room for the Really Bad Stuff- the OCD. I would like to connect with some other OCD people to feel some common ground, so that I don't feel alone and insane in what I do feel. This will definitely be my longest rant on here, sorry for so much spam right away.

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Why won't your therapist give you a diagnosis or offer a prescription to help?

@anon76185976 I have been on medication for my anxiety for 3 years now, but I do not believe it is effective anymore and that I have grown tolerant of it. My therapist is not a psychiatrist, therefore she is not medically qualified to diagnose or prescribe medication. She is a licensed professional counselor, and I have been happy with her for three years. She has given me a lot of insight, and even referred me to the psychiatric office I’m in touch with now. I hope they’re helpful in giving me a diagnosis and medication management based on that.

1 Heart