I heard from my home care nurse my nuerologist thinks I am obese. It is in my chart. I want to die. I really wish I was dead. Oh what is the point any more, I m crippled, IM FAT AS HELL, Im worthless, Im not worthy to be alive. Im tired of being in pain and tons of doctors all the time. If i died, it would be good , i would be in peace. NO one would think i was fat or worthless, and i would nt be in pain.
so what the editor loved my book of poems, i dont care. i really dont . so i can write, big deal. im nothing, and will never be anything good. on top of that i am crippledand obese and every body part hurts. I have too many health problems to be alive.
i cant beleive that doc said i was obese.. he knows i am anoretic. My nurse said it wasnt true. i mean, im am fat but didnt think i was OBESE. i wish i would die tonight.... but with my luck , ill be tortured to death forever.....
Maureen, I am so very sorry for how you are feeling. I am here for you and here to help you through this. I am so glad that you wrote out all of your upset and frustration here, because it's good to get it all out and not to suppress it.
I am really going to have to disagree in that you are not worthless, on the contrary, you are so fantastic and so amazing. We have to get you through this and get you to a good place, I am holding your hand through this and know that you can do it.
Does your doctor give you any positive feedback and guidance on what good steps are for you to get to a healthy place? What can we start doing today, any small little baby steps, in order to get you to a good place?
Can you do me a huge favor, can you please list out all of the positive aspects of yourself? I will help you start; accomplished and talented writer. Do you know that its been my dream to be a writer and I've never gotten anywhere near or around where you have with an editor, that's so incredible. You are such an inspiration to me.
the thing is ,geez, how can he think i am obese, im a nornal weight. the nurse was like, woaaaa ur not obese, ur a fine weight! i was like, yeah he is an idiot, and he knows i have anorexia, whow would say something like that to someone or chart that?? if they know that person has anorexia? hell i might have body dismorphic disorder, but i know one thing is certain, i am no where near obese! anorexia has gotten me crippled, crippled!!! taken my life away, has my body totally SHUT DOWN to the point it would be a miracle if i lived… i hope so, but if it is my time, then it is my time and i will not argue. i will never ever think of weight loss again. if i get that second chance( dont know if i will) but i will nevert think on stupid things people obssess over all the time!!! why are people so dumb and shoallow and why did i kill myself just to go allwong with the crownd??? nowi could die, and… now the editor loves my work??? what the hell??? i mean, ok i might be published but geez… i am crippled, and half dead??? what goood is that???
yes , she flipped over my poems… she went on and on about them…LOL said they were 'out of this world and that they will be published…
she said she cant say 100 percent if she can publish them cuz she has to talk to her editor, but she does know i will be published somewhere… i mean , she was sooo nice to me, and editors are normally mean. but man, she went on and on about my writing , lol…( yes this is my list puppy) about how amazing it was… the critique i asked from her was more af a non stop praise! LOL…
ok, but now , my heart is getting in pain and im getting arythmiaas…the home nurse listed to my heart and she haerd definite skipped beats… so she called my doc…and off i go to the 200th doctor… i want to die… i swear… i cant take this, for petes sake… i cant… i just cant… no one could take this pain and i am envious of people who arent going through this…
I'm sorry that he made you feel this way. You are definitely not worthless, the person who read your poems last week, would agree there. Remember how much they liked what you had written?? Try to think of positives that can outweigh this negative, I know it's easier said than done, but some people are just so insensitive.
I will add to puppies first positive for you... you are a senstive and caring person to so many people offering valuable heartfelt advice and care
Keep your chin up, lots of people love and care for you
thanks.... yes im happy about the editor but geez, i cannot work in alll this pain, so what good is it???? i go to work, and the pain is unreal, i cant work...
this is crazy..... i still did the rest of my manuscrip though. i still not done, but i am trying...
but i just want some peace, any peace, anything...
I know how hard it is to concentrate with all these things rushing around in your mind. I've just completed a 10,000 word dissertation, so I know exactly how u feel. Take your time Maureen. You CAN do it. I believe in you 110% xx
Maureen, again I am so very sorry for what you are going through and most especially for what your doctor said to you, that's just not right by any means. Can you see another doctor? Because the very last thing that you need is someone like that bringing you down. Let me know how your appointment goes today please. I am praying for you.
yeah i know, i was talking to my friend about it and we think he is an abusive person, cuz who would say something like that/ chart that to someone that who KNOWS full well has anorexia, i mean who would do that… only a cruel cold person…obese, i mean like, yeah right… balogney… i mean just cuz im not a stick , im obese? im a woman , and so now im obese, cuz i am have a womanly body??? was marilyn monroe obese? only to people who are sick in the head and like stick thin bodies… he is sick…
but i do not need to be abused by some idiot when i am trying to recover from my anorexia. what is he, trying to kill me??? ughhhh people make me sick, that is why i like keeping to myself.
and i have cardic problems on top of all this, omg… ugh i do not need this stress…
yeah i think ill look into another doc , i have so many docs, but this is just uncalled for, horrible just hideous…action of his…
Who is the idiot ... his licence should be taken away! And as for you, try to be more positive about life and things will get better. Don't ever think you are worthless or let anyone tell you that you are. Surround yourself with posisitive people and stay away from anyone or anything negative. Take care
yeah i know, there are so many jerk docs out there, and they are out there trying to save lives. scary , isnt it??? really scary… they dont care about you, only thier power… i hate him now… i mean i hate him…how dare he…
say / chart that to someone with an eating disorder???
Hey Maureen,
i am so sorry for what it said on your chart. And you are obviously in a very emotional place right, telling yourself you are worthless, because you may feel worthless to yourself, but you have so much value to your friends, family and the people you support everyday on this site. Please don't lose sight in that.
I know how it feels to be worthless, and it's a horrible feeling and it also has no should have no staying power with you hun. We are here for you.
i think that 'obese' on those charts isn't really the normal thinking of obese. I noticed on those charts that from underweight to normal to over weight to obese isn't very much weight. i'm sure it's hard. just ignore them. get on an eating plan, ignore the numbers and the scales and stick to your eating plan.
i'm trying to forget about the numbers cause apparently our bodies will go to their natural set weight if we eat regularly long enough (6months to a year)
focus on what u can do and look into herbal remedies for not being able to walk. do what you can do. baby steps.
IM NOT OBESE im freakin hot, all guys look at me, this doctor is a joke, i hate his guts… he was probably jealous he couldnt have me, i mean guys look at me all the time, im no where near obese…
I HATE MY LIFE . my worhtless life. i wake up everyday and wish i was dead. i AM wortthless and awful, and gross...... and i just dont want to live in this pain anymore.... i just dont.... i cant..... i just cant go on..... if i am to be like this for the rest of my life, i want to die...
i I HATE people, they think u are obese if you arent olive oil. i hate people so much, dont trust them, i dont have friends cuz i do hate people,,
Maureen,
I can't imagine how you must be feeling, emotionally as well as physically. I am so sorry you have so much coming at you right now.
The doctor is an idiot, obviously, and for him to even put a label of this type on you is ludicrous, and you know it. But that doesn't take the pain away.
Please seek the help from another physician if possible, and whatever you do, avoid seeing all weights, notes and diagnoses that they write in, unless it's pertinent to your pain, etc.
Yes, you have a history of anorexia, but you are no longer. That does not mean that you have to be labeled as anything in terms of your weight.
Sending you hugs and much love, Jan ♥
yeah, i know… i hate people and their judging bs. i cant help but think that ED was right and i did become HUGE without him, and now i will have to be made fun of and ridiculed for the rest of my tormented existence. all because i am ugly, ugly cuz im not super thin…
not only am i in hideous , excrucitaing pain but im considered ugly and worthless and huge, jsut cuz im not skinny like everyone else. oh those lucky healthy skinny people–id KILL to be them. i am sooooooooooo envious of them. envy doesnt even describe it, my heart fills with hate when i see them!
id do anything not to be me. i HATE myself and i deserve this i deserve this hell…i will never go outside again and i will LOCK myself up in my house cuz i dont deserve anything good!!! at all!
oh and by the way
i figured out
there is NO GOD!!! im giving up my christian faith, and why you ask??? cuz it is a lie!!! HE does not hear you, i pray and cry to him all day, and do u think HE hears me??? are u kidding, it is like crying to a brick wall! if he loved his daughter sooo much, he would NOT do this to his daughter or he would rescue her!!! he is not doing anything but increasing the pain, so fine, god hates me, whatever… i did all i could for god and spread his word, and now my life is a joke…
oh yeah , god loves you, yeah blah blah
screw that… how can i have faith is something that is tormenting me to death???