my parents will never be able to come to terms with the fact that i have been diagnosed with bpd. i've tried everything. i've tried being calm and reasonable about it, but they always have an excuse for everything i say. they don't even know what BPD really is. they just read the back of a self-help book i own and were like "that doesn't sound like you at all" and completely dismissed it, not understanding that everyone has different symptoms and whatnot. they don't understand mental illness at all and they don't even want to. they're always in denial. my brother has severe ocd and a drug problem, yet they pretend he's completely fine. my sister has anger management problems and anxiety problems and they insist that she's fine. they keep insisting that i don't have a disorder, i'm simply "nervous about my future" or whatever and i need to “get over it”. it feels like they're completely trivializing what i'm going through by saying it's just something so minor like that. i want their approval and understanding, but there is nothing in the world i can say. i've even tried telling them that i think about death a lot, but my mom just got annoyed and told me not to "speak to stupidly". every time i feel intense joy over something minor, they tell me to calm down. they're constantly saying the wrong things and i can hardly stand to be around them anymore because they always say the wrong things. i don't want any tips on how i can convince them or anything because i know by now it's just not possible. anyway, i just want to know how i can come to terms with the fact that i don't need them to believe me or give me approval. any ideas?
Coming from someone who doesn't have the world's greatest parents either, it hurts, but you just have to come to the point, as you are, that they have some massive blind spots when it comes to their kids and getting them the help and support they need. Sometimes it is all about grinning and bearing it until you can live on your own and support yourself and vow to get the therapy and help you need then. Hugs!
@CKarma thanks for this, really. the funny (in a sad way) thing is my parents are very kind and supporting in every other aspect of my life, but they just can’t deal with this. i don’t know why. i think they automatically think that it’s their fault and that i’m blaming them and they just don’t understand that this is not about them, it’s about me. they just want me to get over it, but i’ve honestly always been this way so i don’t know why they’re acting so surprised and refusing to believe it. fortunately i’ll be starting group therapy in september (finally haha). so, i hope that will help but i’m unsure since i’ve never done therapy and i always hear mixed things about group theray.
Maybe you could come to terms by trying to look at it from a different perspective? It sounds like your parents are in denial. Usually denial occurs our of fear. I don't know your parents, so I can't say for sure-- but I wouldn't be surprised if they felt responsible for the issues you and your siblings face. I have BPD and my brother has severe depression. I am 7 years older than my brother and recently he attempted suicide. After this my mother broke down to me, confessing how she felt everything was her fault. In this moment a light bulb went off. I never realized that all the times I perceived her as being cold or not understand, was really her protecting herself from her own fear. Everyone has a different way of coping, even if it's not always beneficial to the person suffering. I hope this helps. Best wishes!
@fakeplasstictree thanks, i can definitely understand that. i just can’t help but feel invalidated. i guess i just need to try and make it stop bothering me, but i don’t know how.
I understand that feeling. I feel it often too. Unfortunately, it's hard to make people understand who aren't facing the same struggle. I guess the only way to change that is do the validating for yourself. It's something I've had a hard time doing and fail miserably often lol, but it is freeing when you stop needing other people to validate the way you are feeling or the things you accomplish ect..
@fakeplasstictree yeah ahaha i get that. honestly, i don’t really care about validation from most people - just the people i’m close with. it feels like a slap in the face for my issues to be trivialized so severely by people who are supposed to offer me support :b
And you shouldn't be made to feel like you need to be their kind of normal. You are your kind of normal, and that is perfectly fine! Youre right, i dont think a professional would diagnosis you with this without cause. My mom does that to me as well. At this point I just gave up even trying to have her understand. My dad on there other hand is a little better,but I had to set boundaries with him. I basically told him if he wanted to know what was going on in my life then he needed to respect how I feel and acknowledge those feelings. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I find this to be one of the more challenging aspects of reaching out for support
@fakeplasstictree yeah, it’s hard! plus i literally asked the doctor if this was just a “temporary” thing like my parents seem to think and he said no ahahah.
my parents are just traditional and foreign in the most stereotypical sense of the word. very old fashioned with old fashioned ideals and values and they try to push all of that on me. mental illness is kind of taboo where i’m from and people who have it will very rarely get help.
i’m lucky that my boyfriend is so great about this, plus i have a couple understanding friends, but the rest i can’t really talk to about this stuff because they get weird/annoying haha.
Ah that explains a lot, I'm sure that does definitely make it hard for them to understand. That must be a lot of pressure for you, which does not help matters lol. Where are you from?
I'm glad you have support from your boyfriend and some friends! Yeah people do get weird to talk to about this. That's why I decided to come on here lol
@fakeplasstictree i’m from the middle east but we live in canada c:
and yeah ahah i just signed up yesterday and it’s already been a lot more enlightening than talking to most people i know IRL. i know it can be hard for people because they think when i behave a certain way it’s a reflection on them even though it’s not.