My sanity has endured the insanity of bipolar too long

i've been officially bipolar since 19 i'm now 39. when i'm manic i hallucinate it's happened four times each lasting a year. the first 19, the second 21 it was then that i hallucinated a love of mine not in my life anymore and he entered my spirit we became one inside me. well, i thought we were one talking with eachother for 15 years and i had no idea where the real guy was in this country i just had his spirit in me. at 15 years, i wound up in a psych ward, then rehab for alcohol, then a halfway house. in the halfway house i thought i met god, then satan, then my friend disappeared and it was me god and satan battling, so crazy! my head felt like it was going to explode! got out of halfway house, and the past four years i thought i was talking with god sometimes satan and now? i've given it all up because it never adds up to being truth. shoot, i really thought this was all real. i realize i was so alone in hallucinations i needed pretend friends to go through them with me. i couldn't do it alone. i'm getting used to being with just me, not having a conversation like i have for the past 20 years, it's weird and LONELY but it's for the best. wow, it's really a hard adjustement. i dont know, i wish i had a friend inside again, should i make one up?

From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder

From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder