My son has schizophrenia and his girlfriend is bipolar and they are now expecting a baby.
My son is 28 and was diagnosed about 3 years ago but probably has been dealing with his disease for much longer than that. He had cut off contact with me but ran into some trouble and fortunately called me to ask if he could come live with me. I said he could come as long as he would go to the doctors and follow their care. I am very grateful that he agreed to let me help him get the help he needed. He has had a hard time adjusting to living with schizophrenia and knowing he has to take his medication but I am very proud of him for trying to be the best he can be, I know it has not been easy for him. The past 3 years have not been easy for any of us, my son, my 15 year old daughter, my husband (his step father) or me. There have been arguments about his care as well as typical family stuff. Nothing serious but when his meds are not working for him it affects the whole family. In January he seemed to finally come to a level of acceptance about taking his meds and understanding that they really were helping him.
He met his girlfriend about a year and a half ago and signed a lease for an apartment with her around a year ago. He had been going back and forth between living here and at the apartment for the past year. In March I found out that his girlfriend was pregnant and they were going to keep the baby. I let him know that I love him and that he can come visit but he could not stay here anymore. He needed to try to see if he could live with her full time before the baby is born. He agreed and has been living there ever since. He was coming to visit every week, sometimes staying the night but mostly staying the day or a few hours and then going back the apartment but now we only see each other about once a week. He and his girlfriend want the baby very much but are both very scared. They are also seeking assistance by finding out what resources are available and seem to be trying to be as responsible as possible.
I am terrified. I worry about my son and his girlfriend and the baby. He appears to be doing the best I have seen him in a very long time. He seems to be taking care of himself by staying on his meds, getting himself to his doctors and therapy appointments as well as dealing with his girlfriend and her issues. She has been taken off her meds and has recently been diagnosed with a severe vomiting syndrome, where she vomits and becomes dehydrated to the point of having to go to the hospital because she cannot keep anything down. I worry that they are dealing with all of these things and it might become too much. I have let him and his girlfriend know that I am here and will be as supportive as I can be but I don't know if that is enough.
Dear Babs, My name is Suzee and I've been on the support boards for only a few months now, since I left my abusive husband so I don't have any personal experience with the disorders your son and his girlfriend, although I am a Mom of 6 ranging in age from 26 to 12 and I know what it's like to worry about your grown children and wondering what I should do or not do.
I wish there was some sort of "how to" book for these situations!! I do want to say that you are a wonderful Mom to your son and that's awesome. I think you have done all the right things to give your son, his girlfriend and your grandbaby the best chance possible. I'm so sorry that his girlfriend is so sick with this pregnancy. It happened to me to and I can't for the life of me, remember what it's called. I ended up almost weekly getting IVs.
I think you've done the right thing by letting them know you are there if they need you. I think you can only wait and see how things go. There are many people with these disorders and they live and love and raise babies just fine. From reading the boards here, I know that there are very good treatments and therapies and some wonderfully brave, beautiful people here on the boards will probably have much better advice for you than I.
I just wanted to say I can see that you are a really great Mom AND soon to be Grandma!! Is this your first grandbaby?? OMG If you are, you are in for a real treat!! There's this special kind of love for grandbabies... they are the love of your life!
Welcome to support groups!! I'm glad you've found this place. It is a safe, beautiful place for so much support, friendship, advice and understanding.
Also if you feel you are not being heard, please just keep posting as this is a huge place and it sometimes can take a while to be seen. THere are time zone issues and the fact that alot of people can't be on the boards every day!! Look around and get familiar with the boards and soon you will feel like a part of the family here!!
dear Babs, i am the mother of twin boys both have schizophrenia and they are 29 years old, will be 30 this october. i have a 33 year old son who is having his second child this august his first is only 2 the same month. that son has ptsd and a severe back injury from the ten years in the military, numerous deployments and 3years army. the twins live in the apartment down from us and they are right now at risk of loosing their apartment due to the one son who is the sickest making noise he cannot seem to control due to his disorder.
Babs, from what you are telling us you are doing all you can to support your son and help him be independent and fulfill his responsibility to his child and mother of the baby coming. he is taking his meds, seeing the doctor and therapist and those are the best things going for him at this time. he must be a kind wonderful person to gain the trust and affection of a woman and to be having this baby. i agree with Suzee you have a wonderfull time coming as a grandmother!
i too can relate to all you said, the fear and the conflict and the stress of parenting a mentally disabled adult son and now daughter-in-law with bipolar. but look at your positives, not the negatives you have alot going for you, and focus on that.
pray to your God to guide you and while i can't guarentee everything will be all right it will progress in a forward motion and things will be ok. i wish you all my best with hope and faith. the support groups work and i welcome you here. the more you participate, the more you get out of it. i was hoping to meet someone just like you and glad to meet you finally. keep in touch., maria