heres my story i hope someone reads it.
my parents got divorced when i was really young so i moved around a lot with my mom.she dated a few guys before she met "him" we will call him andy. i was 8 when i first met andy he was super cool he played guitar and sang. he also had kids of his own they were younger and all boys so i was out numbered. the first time i went to the cabin with him and my mom and brother and his 3 younger boys thats when i happend. we were by the fire pit in the back it was kind of hidden so no one could see. andy me and his 3 boys were roasting smores and having fun. then we played a game called monster. where andy would scare us and we would fall on the ground. well me being a girl i didnt want to get dirty so i fell on him. the second time i fell he pulled me on top of him gripped my *** and grinded me up against him. he did it 3 times then mom called for dinner. i remember running so fast that my shoes were falling off my feet. i knew i should of told her but i thought i would get in trouble or break them up but my mom looked so happy. well the weekend ended and we went home. 5 months later we moved in with him. a few weeks after that my brother left to play with his friends. i was laying on the couch and he was by my feet also on the couch. he started rubbing my feet then my legs then he went under my panties. i was so scared i didnt know what to do i was only 9. again i didnt tell my mom. after that i started locking my door when i slept because he would try to sneak into my room while i was asleep, he would touch my feet and i would wake up. i didnt sleep well and ever sense i dont. i wake up to the smallest noises. one time he was giving me a m***age and my mom and brother was on the living room floor he did it again right there literally behind their back. there was never any penetration he would just touch (everything) he would buy me clothes to keep my mouth shut. he did it several times after that. in 6th grade i told my friend. she told the councelor at school and i had to tell him what happend. that night i was on the phone with my friend and she asked me if i told her. my mom says told me what? i was so scared and nervous that i had to write it down. she read it and started sobbing the note said "andy touches me" i remember it like it was yesterday. she couldnt leave him because he was in his "jesus stage" where we all went to church blah blah blah he would make us have 5 hr bible studies even after we went to church. he made me go to school the next day and say that i lied and i made the whole story up. to this day people think i lie even the friend i told but she realized that it was true when she spent the night and he came in and talked to us about how if he licked our p***ies we would like it she was so scared she didnt even tell her mom. and when we got in trouble he would beat us with the bible. well me at least when no one was around and i had already gotten whooped infront of my mom and brother. plus he would beat my mom so bad to the point where she had to lie to us and say she fell of a motorcycle. she had broken ribs,fingers,nose,and foot obviously that wasnt during his "jesus stage" every weekend i would go to my dads i wouldnt let him hug me kiss me nothing. i use to sleep in bed with my daddy just because i loved my daddy. but after it happend i stopped.even though my dads house was like a safe haven i trusted no one. i had a real hard time making friends after that. in 8th grade i came home from school and andy was pacing around the house. i asked him whats wrong and he said your mom is leaving me and its all your fault. not even 20 seconds later my uncle came busting threw the door and said boo (nickname) grab some garbage bags and pack your brothers, mothers and my stuff because we were going to stay with him. so i did it. i was smiling the whole time. he kept saying wipe that stupid smile off your face so i smiled harder. because i could no longer get hurt by him. and i was free. after we found out own place andy would still come around because he loved my mom but that stopped after social services came to my school and asked me if it was true what he did to me and my family. of course i said nothing happend cause i was scared. they came every 2 weeks for 2 months before i cracked, i cried and cried then they let me go home a little early because i couldnt stop crying. when i got home i told my mom i told them what happened she got scared that the state was gonna arrest him but they werent gonna make me a victim again and left it up to me to prosecute or not. we went to my grandparents for a few days and they found out. i was so embarr***ed as if it was my fault. i went through therapy because i was soo angry all the time after comming out with it. i slept all the time and had really bad anxiety. it helped a lot them at 16 i thought i didnt need it anymore i could control my anger and anxiety i thought i was happy. my dad found out from social sevices but didnt tell me he knew he wanted me to tell him. well we were on our way to dinner and i freaked out because i spilled my soda all over me and when i say freaked out i mean arms flaylin, screaming, crying the whold shabang i was so upset i wanted to go back to my moms. when i went inside my mom asked whats wrong but i just ran p***ed her so she asked my dad and he told her about the soda and that he knew what andy did to me. i was so embarr***ed again as if it was my fault. well im 20 now and im angrier than ever. i think about what he did to me every day. i fantasize about running into him and beating the sh*t out of him for what he did. i wanna write a letter to him and tell him how bad he messed up things for me or prosecute him for what he did but i dont wanna re-live it infront of my whole family and the courts. i take a lot of my anger out on my boyfriend who i love dearly but i dont wanna talk to him about this stuff cause im embarr***ed. he knows but not everything. you all know more than him. and i cant tell him that my anger and control issues come from what andy did to me because he just wont believe it. i would really love some feedback anything will help even if i know someones in the same boat as me. thanks for reading
i sooo sorry dear for all thats happened. i know that even now that your 20 it still eats you up inside, im glad you are writing it down and hopefully getting some of the anger out by talking about it. sadly its something that will follow you for your life time i know what ive been through will haunt me forever. we just got to figure out how to be stronger then our memories. sometimes i wish that i could forget everything ( i do have some memory lloss but with what i do remember im glad i dont remember more it could only e worse) but anyway, its ok to be angry with andy he did horrible things to you. thing he shouldnt have. maybe when you are about to take it out on your boyfriend lightly pinch yourself to remind you that hes not andy and that he loves you. just a thought but i suffer just like you only in different ways. i hope you start feeling better keep posting and let us know how your doing we care about you
p.s. i wont use your log in name because your not just a that one your a sweet young lady who deserves respect
take care
dahlia
dahlia- thanks alot of responding theres more to the story but it just got too long i thought nobody would read it and your right it did feel good to get it out and actually write it down.im glad theres people out there that understand what im going through. and thanks for the advice.
<3 R
if you ever feel like typing the rest down i know people will read it i know i will