My storyAny advice

My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years. In the first year I kind of disregarded the relationship and on top of that got deployed to Iraq for 6months. I insisted that my partner not stay with me during my deployment because that would have been a lot of stress on her when we had just begun a relationship a couple of months before. However, she decided to stay with me. I really began to fall for her during that time. When I returned from deployment everything was good throughout the honeymoon phase. She invited my to meet her family in NY for new years (mind you she wasnt out and I was her first lesbian relationship). To my surprise meeting her family meant the entire family,not just her immediate members. Shocking to me because I wasnt expecting that and also culture shocked because her family is hispanice and I dont know spanish. Needless to say, she felt I was disrespectful to her family. To this day we have to agree to disagree on that issue. Anyways, that incident left a bad taste in her mouth plus that fact that she thought I was too negative and doubtful in the relationship. Last year we had a big falling out. She became distant and began to disregard the relationship. She didnt give a **** about the relationship. I had to fight and basically do whatever it took to keep the relationship together. During that time I became obsessive over the relationship. Anxious and angry about our relationship. Constantly thinking negatively. I wanted to make things right but for all the wrong reasons and all the wrong ways. However, this year has been a time of us coming together. Through help I was able to become a more positive less doubtful person. And she became less selfish and less stubborn. She put her part in as did I. Our communication improved greatly. Things were better between us even though I resented how she had treated me during the last part of the year. I was angry about that and held it against her for a while. She has stuck by me though and assured me that she would be there for me and it wouldnt happen again. We would have to communicate and commit to each other to make things work. Over time I was able to become more comfortable and forgive her. We have plans of moving in together and marriage (we lived together for about a year after I got back from Iraq but separated when we started having the issues). Now, however, when things between she and I are improving, her work schedule is awful. It has always been bad since she has worked and gone to school full time. She now works every weekend along with a day during the week. She also is trying to study and get ready to go back for grad school. With all that she has going on, we see each other 1-2 days out of the week. I get so angry when she has time to spend with me but does other things (even though I know she needs to do those things). I know she is doing all of this because she is trying to better herself and even better herself for me. But Im still selfish and cant take when she cant spend time with me like I want. I felt like it was a struggle to deal with her awful schedule with just working every weekend but i found ways to cope. However, now more things are getting added to her schedule and taking away from time we could have together. As much as I know she is doing what she needs to do to be successful in her life, Im being so selfish in wanting to spend more time with her. I am a grad student myself. I have friends and have joined a sports league to keep myself occupied. I just dont like feeling like I do and feel like I am going back into my obsessive thoughts...Please help

hi

all relationships are rocky in places but it is a good idea to develope seperate hobbies/ideas that way the relationship keeps fresh.

i understand that u want more time to gether but surely it should be quality time not quantity and u can turn those few hours into moments to treasure and keep the relationship runnin.

having these thoughts and trying to have the relationship as u think it should be will be detrimental in the long run.

u are not being selfish just mayb not seeing the bigger picture, it takes time to really get to know the person u have choosen to share your life with and lots of things need to be discussed comprimised on and finally u find u will be home free.

its all about wanting to set them free to fly and hit all the highs they can whilst u are achieving yours at the same time

good luck

loving thoughts and positive vibes

D :)

From the way you describe it you love your partner very much & your not being selfish to want a lil more time w/her & like D said it is about quality not quantity. Would be wise to plan a lil candlelite evening dinner at home when she has the one or two days off & prior to that evening help out w/what ever chores she may need to of had completed BEFORE so you 2 can just relax & enjoy, keep the evening positive, no resentfulness about anything. & always keep in mind SHE CHOSE YOU TOO.

Take care of you.

April