My wife who I had been with for 26 years ago on 12 after an

My wife who I had been with for 26 years ago on 12 after an 11 Mont battle with can we I can't stop thinking about how much she suffered the last few hours of her life. I miss her so much and just want her back

4 Hearts

My heart goes out to you Smokey7748, do stay w/us, many here understand.

1 Heart

Smokey,
Yes, please come here. It seems many of us are very recently bereaved -- November 29, for me and I know November 26 and 27 for a couple of other friends here. We are all still in shock, all still finding our way, all still just wanting to go back to the way things were. But I have found support and strength here. Everyone has been loving and accepting and encouraging. There is comfort in the sympathy of family and friends, to be sure. But I have gained so much sharing my feelings here. I'm not crazy. I'm not the only one. There is someone else who is living the same experience. Just a few kind words can make a world of difference. And we are all here, or checking back to help each other.

Thank you for your kind words. All last week I kept wanting 2015 to be over. My wife was diagnosed 12/30/14 with pancreatic cancer and passed away on 12/3/15. Now that 2015 is over I realize that this year may be worse. At least she was still here last year. I have friends and family I can talk to but I feel like they have already had to help me through this for the past year. I know I should be grateful for the 26 years we had and quit feeling sorry for myself but that is easier said than done.

1 Heart

Oh Smokey. I know others have mentioned being grateful for the time that you shared, and intellectually I understand that, but emotionally I don't expect to reach that level of acceptance for a long time. I understand what you mean about wanting the year to be over, yet not wanting the year to end because that was a year that your shared with your wife. In my mind and heart, the way I am accepting going forward is to remind myself that we are going forward together -- perhaps not in the way we hoped and planned -- because he will always be with me, and be a part of me. That can never change.

1 Heart

@NewBlue
My husband passed away 4 years ago (Nov 28, 2011). I still feel the pain in my heart. Others might be able to move on with their own lives, but me it’s not really possible. So, I put all my energies in the workplace just to live each day. I thought that everything was okay. But then, I still feel the pain.

@smokey7748
You’re lucky, because you’ve found this site. If I found it earlier, I believe that I can do well in my grieving processes. In my case, I tried avoiding grieving as much as I could, that’s why until this time, the healing process is still not taking place.

Thanks for sharing your perspective - I am going to work on looking at it that way. I have always felt that we will always be connected but feel very alone

1 Heart

You're not alone. You're not. She's with you. And she's strong again and she will help you now when you need her most; just the way you helped her this past year when she needed you most

I am very grateful to have found this site. Yesterday I spent most of the day crying and feeling sad. In the evening my youngest stepdaughter and her boyfriend came by with their baby. One of the things that has been stressful is not knowing how the family dynamics will change since the central figure in everyone's lives is gone. For the most part all the adult children, who I helped raise, have been loving and supportive. In a book called Mans Search for the Meaning the author talks about making sure that your response to tragedy elevates to the same level as the tragedy itself. Today I am going to try and not get bogged down by grief. Don't know if I will be successful but my bring miserable will not bring Dianne back.

2 Hearts

@Smokey7748
Smokey, please be kind to yourself – and take a deep breath. Many of us are in this same early phase of grief and I don’t want to speak for anyone else, but I think I can safely say I’m still in some sort of state of crazy. One day semi-functional, one day just a puddle on the floor. I think this is okay. I don’t think it would be normal to have already sorted through an upheaval like this and be steadily putting one foot in front of the other. I expect to stumble, I expect to fall flat on my face. But I also expect to get up again. I too find my mind racing – what will happen now? what will happen next? what will I do about . . .? I think it’s the brain’s way of trying to find stability and security again by attempting to take control of something or anything at all. It isn’t always easy, but I’m trying to focus my energy on one day at a time (and sometimes one hour at a time) until I know I am at least a bit further along physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Galvcrib,
I understand what you are saying. For me, as I suspect for you, my relationship with my husband will never be over. It can't be. Everything I am, every part of me has been influenced by our time together and always will be. In fact, I am counting on it. It's still early for me, but every time I feel the impetus to pull my socks up be strong, it's because I can hear him telling me to pull myself together. And likewise, I know if I had gone before him, I would never want him to spend the rest of his life on earth being miserable. For me, that would be a waste of all that we shared. I know he is helping me now, so I can regain my strength and live the life that both of us would have wanted. I don't think of it as "moving on," I think of it as "getting back" to being the woman that he knew and loved.

I don't want to speak for you, and I don't know what your beliefs are, but if you find yourself here at this site perhaps your husband is guiding you to find yourself again. I'm sure he loved and continues to love you, just as you continue to love him.

@NewBlue
Perfectly said. Hmmm... I think I just need to accept reality, although it's hard. But I appreciate how you live your life. Thanks for enlightening me.

@galvcrib
Oh dear, I didn’t mean to pontificate. Really, I’m just trying to work through these feelings and find some understanding for myself. Sorry if I went on too long, but if you ever need an ear, please know that I am always available. (Okay, I’ll be quiet now!)

@NewBlue
Thanks! It's a great relief to know that somebody truly understands what I'm going through.

Smokey - the family dynamics will fair just fine as long as you stay in the moment, be present & the rest falls into place.

Time one day at a time, children, nature, animals, I lost my husband who I shared 32 years with in October 2015. 76 Days and it hurts but try I know it feels like your a empty shell. But know you were there to support your wife and know that she is not suffering and now we suffer the loss. Keep her memory alive. Share God Bless everyone on this site. It is good to know people are here. Yesterday was my husbands birthday and I missed him so much

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