Narcs spend a lot of time training us. After the relationship, we have to retrain our brain. What do you think of self talk? I have to use that a lot because I am stubborn. What are other ways to retrain your brain?
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-I love that quote!
Awesome huh? Saw it on Facebook and snatched it
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@Yellowrose10
Affirmation of self value and love nurtures the soul. Being patient and forgiving of yourself and acknowledging small accomplishments helps. When missing him, I manage to ground myself and bring the focus to the realities and not the false illusions of him. I think of what I really want in a relationship and what a genuine healthy relation is. I try to accept the fact that his narcissistic traits will never change, but worsens. The one thing I keep reminding myself is why would I settle for feeling threatened and insecure and after 12+ years of it, is this what I want for my lifetime. What role am I showing my children? I keep going to therapy, attend a support group and seek comfort here, and educate myself on narcissism. It’s a hard battle, but I am determined to overcome this.
I literally need to retrain my brain. How can I do that I'm too brainwashed by my mother and I feel crippled because of it
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Can people help me with this? I know this is what I need to help me, and I am so desperate for help! A cant go to a therapist because I mean come on.... They have never gone through this themselves. There there to educate u. That's all good and dandy, but they're there to make money and their payed to be nice to you. That's why I come here for therapy. Everyone here understands what we literally are going through and that's exactly what I need.
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@Linds
I was fortunate to find a therapist whose expertise is with narcissism and abuse. My first appointment, she spent an extra hour+ with me, wanting to make sure I wouldn’t self harm because I had suicidal tendencies and strong self blame and doubt. She didn’t charge me for the extra time. Initially when I called for an appt, she wasn’t going to take any new clients as she was booked and was willing to accept me as a new client. Another thing is they didn’t accept my Kaiser medical plan but allowed a co-pay based on my earnings, which showed me, she really cares about helping people with recovering from abuse. She once told me he didn’t love me and I took offense; that he did love me but I did something to make him stop loving me. I eventually came to terms, he never loved me, it’s not me; he is incapable of love and empathy. I also now believe it has never been my fault for his anger and abuse; its a choice he made. My therapist didn’t just give me all the answers, she worked with me on self-discovery to realize and accept the truth as it is. Once I educated myself on narcissism, everything made so much sense. We spoke on this, and she showed me based on what I shared in my first session with her, she noted he was a classic narcissist, having the majority of the traits. But didn’t want to just tell me, because I probably wouldn’t believe.
Right. So I should think that my mother isn't my problem then?
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I will thank you.
When it comes to dealing with Narcs there is power in reading and feeling like you weren't some loser who deserve this and not anything you could of done or said or wore, I mean narcs have no prejudice. The problem is they leave us feeling empty, needing explanations, hoping for an emotion that we don't understand was co-dependent on a drama that had us completely lost in a web that they were weaving all around us and to say you feel completely betrayed and left in utter confusion of how you let someone like this leave you a shell of a person you were and you let them. It's not your fault, it's almost like pure bad luck..you met the wrong person and they pretended to be someone that never existed. How were you suppose to know when they made sure they kept you in the cycle of abuse and manipulation, and promising you they will change and all the crocodile tears to follow..its crazy because anyone who would intentionally cause this much harm and it was visible would be locked away but nope it's like the unseen criminal that takes and destroys and gets away with it..but they will never actually get away with it because eventually one day they hit rock bottom and realize their empty existence...and they deserve just that..no mercy...but whatever it takes the best revenge is to move on and be happy and live the life you deserve...so much easier said than done...sorry I went off on an emotional vent...so thankful for this
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@yellowrose10 Thank you, I have always just been a reader on most sites and was with a narc for 11 years. It's so nice to talk amongst people who get it. I have found that empathy is not widespread on this topic and normally it causes us to isolate and shutdown. Absolutely what a narc would love, for us to be in a complete world of confusion and feeling as if we need them and that will allow them to keep at it. If you know a narcs they will suck you dry and will continue to check in to see if they still have control and if you let them they will create a whole new rock bottom each time...watching people who enable them is also another sick and twisted visual that I can't even believe until I realize that their enablers are just like us...Clueless victims who they reward for being their minion...sick!!
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All the people who had courage before me to share have given me the knowledge, strength and courage to find my sanity...I am so grateful to even reached this point...thank you all for sharing..it saved my life at one point.
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@yellowrose10 thank you so much..
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