Hey everyone, I’m a 24 year old guy and questioning my sexuality after a recent “bi awakening” experience with a guy I met online so i’d really appreciate your thoughts. I had developed a crush on a guy I met online. I was really amazed by his intellect, maturity, empathy, and compassion as it drew me in, and due to that I felt both an emotional and a sexual attraction including that included fantasies about having sex with him. What I had with him made me reflect on past experiences: as a kid, I experimented sexually with a male friend (mutual masturbation/oral), which I see as early curiosity looking back. Later, I explored anal play solo and I really did enjoy it.
The most confusing part ( which is also the part I would like to resolve ) is that while pursuing women feels natural and its easy for me to comprehend, the idea of hooking up with a guy to see whether intimacy with men would be something I would enjoy, the idea brings hesitation and a lag—like my brain is being “forcing” into it, even though I would have the desire to. Someone said to me that is social conditioning and im a bit sympathetic to that idea.
I wanted to know if other people who are bi had experienced what I am going through and how they overcame it. For additional context, I live and grew up in a very religious and conservative society and I still have some of those values in me.