I'm a nice girl. I've always been an outcase, my entire life. One may say I'm too nice, but I'm not changing for anyone. I would do anything for anyone, and I like it that way, but I get burned in the end. And don't get me wrong, I'm not a fool. I don't let people keep taking advantage of me. Anyway, I have had many friends in my life, but I have also lost many friends too. The friends I had were mostly from school, but it was hard for me to keep those friends. I had to make constant effort. My family is very emotionally distant from me, and they know it, and let's not even go there, because they're not changing after I've told them all how I feel. I lost friends because they know they burned me, so they felt ashamed to even try to be my friend still. I was always the one making all the effort, making the phone call first, giving them a bday present, doing favors, etc. And if I needed something, they're nowhere to be found. Either that or they're too busy to fit me in their lives. I understand that no one owes me anything. It's their perogative if they want to be my friend or not, so I don't blame them. Ya can't be friends with everyone, bc then you'd have no time to spend with the ppl you wanna be friends with. However, this situation is a little different because I was already friends with them for so long, and slowly they all drifted off. I see those friends still made effort to stay in contact with their other friends though. I feel like I'm doomed. And I know all about "how" to make friends.. you find a hobby , get involved, and then you meet people. Or u can meet them at school, work, etc. by striking up a conversation. Well I have conversations often. But no one really wants to be my friend it seems. Why? I'm someone that would do anything for someone, and would be there if they truly needed it. A nd i HAVE been there. It makes me look at people as a whole differently, bc i have not met not one person whom i can relate, and I'm almost 30. If this world is so superficial, why should I be in it? Why can't i find NON-shallow or NON-superficial friends (meaning , those who won't abandon me for NO reason)? I'm a normal-looking girl, normal personality, I'm energetic, I've been told I'm funny, and I have many hobbies and interests... but it's like people NEVER see anything about me. All the things I've worked so hard at in life, they all go unnoticed. And even if I told someone, they forget the next day. I'm not on here expecting to make friends, although it would be nice, but I would at least appreciate someone telling me what this could possibly be caused from. i really don't wanna go and change myself, but I'm living a pretty lonely world in the character that i am. Even in high school I had friends, but it was cuz I kinda forced myself in there, made a ton of effort at it, and they accepted me, but they never really tried to be my friend. They never called. i've even tried not being so nice and backing off, not saying anything, and that doesn't work either. I've tried about everything. I do have friends but no one that I can call at any time to actually rely on. I mean, I've done so much for ppl it's unreal, and to think i've never had a favor done FOR me. And I don't care bc I don't need anything, but just ceases to amaze me. The nice people in this world feel the need to change. The ppl in this world who are stuck up don't even notice people like me, people that would actually be there for them. I'm tired of living invisible. I know that if i died, ppl would be sad, but i think they would just say "aw I wish i would have spent more time w/her" meaning they'd realize it when it was too late. because I know I have fam who cares about me, but they never really seem to make effort.
im not good at keeping friends myself. it seems like i give and give and they take and take and then im like im tired of this im done. sometimes it is like they are looking for someone to milk and see what they can get. sounds mean i know but i am serious some people just seem that way. i just enjoy my friendships for as long as they last and when it goes down then i say oh well.i just made a friend like a couple of months ago and she did stuff for me dont get me wrong and we talked on the phone almost every day and i did as much as i could for her. i even took care of her house while she was on vacation and she was the most ungrateful person i had ever met! i was really sickly when i helped her i almost had to go to the hospital because there was something in her house causing me to have asthma attacks i think it was her dogs. i love dogs but i think im allergic to them. i still did what i had to do and i promised her what i would do and when she came home i only got a thank you after i was yelled at that it wasnt good enough and was nitpicked at. to say the least that friendship is over. i dont know why friend ships dont seem to last.
Ladies am sorry for your struggles, as I do have the similar situaltion with friendships too.The one thing I have noticed of myself is I don't give my friends space....as am in their bubble when am with them. I have to have constant(daily contact) I do believe am the way that I am since I was always alone and wanted attention when I was a child. Please feel free to message me directly if you would like to talk about any issues you might have. Hope you have a blessed day.
be strong i think that is a problem i have as well. i never thought about the childhood stuff though it does make since
Hi lex4, Ashley, and Be Strong,
I really can relate to your posts. Thats exactly how Im feeling right now. Im a nice person as well. Im beginning to think that the majority of people do not appreciate nice people. Its like you have to be mean and rotten to fit in nowadays.
lex4, I tried to hold on to my high school friends as well. I did all the chasing. All the calling and all the keeping in touch. No one told me that after high school some people did not remain friends. I thought I had bffs but I was so wrong. So years later I only keep in contact with only one friend who blew me off alot but still lingures in my life through email, text, and facebook. No more phone calls. It is nothing you have to do to cause people to be this way. Its how they want things. I respect that. Much as I want a better relationship with love ones and so called associates there is no more I can do. I go days without holding conversations with people. Sometimes I forget just how bad things are for me and try and reach out and talk to others via text, phone, email or whatever and its like they could care less and show no interest. Then reality sinks back in. And now Im back to being alone as usual.
What confuses me is how people say oh no its not good to be alone or isolate yourself. How can a person like me not do that when no one wants to be bothered? I have tons of family and so many fake associates but none of them care to talk to me unless I do the chasing and listening to their vents. Im tired of chasing people. Im waiting to see who will reach out to me for a change. I know Im in for a long wait.
Cloudygirl
Your story sounds just like mine except I am 13 and just one question I wasn't to ask people is why am I so unlikeable I'm I really too different or is there a flaw in me that I don't see cause there has to be some part of this picture that I am missing
Be Strong I agree with you, I don't trust myself enough to know that if they don't call me for a couple days they are are still my friens.
I have a hard time with my friends are all married and have children. I have neither. So I always feel like I am imposing if I ask them to go do something. That they are busy with their families.
Dear lex4
I read your post and thought you sounded just like me.I too feel like people always use me simply because I'm too nice,or at least I try to be nice to everyone.First off I am truly sorry that people have treated you like you don't belong or like there is anything wrong with you.Nobody deserves that,period.Unfortunately like you said before people are superficial.Most of them.We live in a world where being selfish and egotistic is rewarded with raises,praise and elevated social status.People who are manipulative and calculating,forge friendships for the sake of gaining power or influence rather than wanting someone they can relate to.That leaves decent people on the long end and although it is far from fair it's unfortunately how society works.I try to be different as I know you do to and I will always hope there are more people like you out there because at least then I know our world isn't completely doomed.
Being yourself is always harder than becoming who others want you to be but if you attempt to be like them you will only make yourself more depressed because selfish people will see right through your act and you'll lose respect for yourself for changing.How do I know? I have tried that,because I was so desperate for friends I though I ought to act like a spoiled,selfish (pardon my french) ***** too.Then people called me phony and arrogant and still rejected me.
I am not the best person to give social advise to anyone but from what I do know the only thing I can recommend to you is to try to find people here (or other forums) that face the same difficulties you have.At least then you know they can relate to you.If you've never felt like an outcast or you've never know depression then how can you understand someone who feels outcast or depressed? People who are in support groups for these or other problems usually have been through the same or similar problems you have and they're less likely to be "superficial" or treat you different.
I hope this helps you some.